Quickie
*didn't turn out so quick after all. the post is best read with this music in the background. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GFkY5-Xp710&feature=related

Not feeling too well tonight so this will be quick.

many things happened these two weeks.
itchy backside and took on too many Toastmaster assignments.
got so stressed abt my last speech that i got really bored by the time i was supposed to do the speech.
it went ok. not that great though.

someone in the audience said i have a trainer's style so i hope that points to something.

had a sisters' sleepover.
it was really fun.
S and I spent so much time packing we didn't have time to do all the things we packed for.

i'm still amazed by the good naturedness of the group.

quite inspired to do something with my juggling too.
Hoping to prepare something for the kids' service.
something that will combine everything together.

shepherd: "you can start sometime Nov"
Me: "When will you guys be there? i'll start with you all there. so that..you know, if i get into trouble, you can bail me out"
shepherd: "ya. we should be there. so we can drag you out when you spew rubbish, no need to trouble other pple"

been inspired in recent days to play with the patica and kazoo.
i think it'll be fun to bring them into the singing session.

this is what the patica is capable of:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5bcR0bzZo5o

and obviously i'm nowhere that skill level so i'm just making a lot of noise at the moment.
don't think i'll angst my shepherd with it yet.

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been a really busy week.
had a juggling assignment with mediacorp and some of you may have seen me on tv.
it was a hilarious assignment.
Jimmy and I were like teletubbies shouting monosyllabic words with no meaning.

met up with some ex colleagues and had a gd catch up session.
it was quite painful to organise though.
postponed for 3 weeks before everyone could really get together.
and i had to sacrifice my brazilian missionary show just so we dun postpone again.

heard that the machine is in trouble again,
and some of those folks have been working up to 2am to get it up.
i offered to go back to take a look,
"i don't mind, it's like visiting an old fren!" i told my ex-colleague but he didn't want to trouble me.

------------------------------

have been trying to get out of shepherding since there're so many things to do.
but i couldn't turn away.
and amazingly, right after i sms-ed the shepherd "ok....i surrender my time to you",
one of my appts was postponed.

even more amazing is this.
shopping is a chore to me, and i only shop when i get desperate.
and recently i got really tired of black and red clothes.
so i went out to shop for clothes with sleeves, and that are not black and not red.

and it's amazingly hard to find any i like with those conditions.

and everytime i come home empty handed i get pissed cos it means scheduling another shopping session out of my packed schedule.
so the day before my shepherding session,
i did a tongue in cheek prayer.

"Father thank you for the bread that filled my stomach. May you now bless me with clothes to fill my wardrobe"

i was on my way to suntec but decided to turn to Marina sq.
and in the very first shop i stepped in,
the salesgirl was piling me with clothes.

Usually i'll just grab the ones that catch my eye, try them on, and either get them or not.
but this salesgirl was running all over the place passing me piece after piece and there was literally a small hill of clothes piled up on the floor.

so i got most of what i needed in the very first shop i stepped in. Amen!

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D was praying the other day and in his words, he sms-ed to me "the Holy Spirit prompted me to buy this book for you"

it turned out to be a wonderful book.
i have 6 unread books but once i started on that book i couldn't stop.
it was a book on the symbolisms of Jesus' cruxification.
i'm tempted to create a flash animation on what i read, but that'll take time again.

the book is "He chose the Nails" by Max Lucado.
and like he says, if we knew that we have one last day on earth, we would make it count.
likewise, God deliberately chose everything that was used for Jesus' last moments on earth.

Jesus performed miracles after miracles,
and he could have easily overturned all the things Man was doing to him at the moment of crucification.
But he didn't, because he knew God needed him to be the sacrifice.

The soldiers spat on him, and he took it, as a symbol of taking on all of Man's filth.
the soldiers were not told to spit, but they did, and spit does not hurt the body, it humiliates, and Jesus was willing to take it on.

the crown of thorns have been mentioned all over the bible as weeds and waste, and Jesus, who has been strong with faith throughout his life, suddenly became filled with human feelings of guilt and abandonment when he took on the crown. Till the point where he exclaimed why God has abandoned him.

and the nails. He chose the nails. because as other parts of the bible says, our list of sins will be nailed to the cross, and they will be forgiven.

there are many many other symbols. the two other crucified criminals on each side of Jesus. One repented, the other scorned. they represent choice.

the sign above Jesus, it speaks to us.
the stabbing of Jesus, representing the opened veil between God and us.
the blood and water, representing our salvation and continual improvement.
the thirst of Jesus, representing how he went through all our thirst
(for knowledge, meaning) as well

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i'm not sure how i came to this stage.
but every step i find out some thing more.
and as i think abt why i turned away in the past,
i find it was really because of misconceptions.

i didn't find anything special abt christians,
until i came to know this group of pple.
and the bible does say that it's no use just "saying" you're a christian and not applying any of the principles.

i got pissed off because one Christian told me "buddhism is stupid" years ago.
As Jimmy told me, it is not for us to judge anyone or anything.
Jesus wouldn't have said that.

i wondered why christians spend so much time singing and preaching abt evangelism.
i wanted to know how to live life, and buddhism was just abt that.
"christianity is only abt singing songs!" i said to shepherd before i joined.
"not la, come to our church." she said.
in the church i'm in, the sermons are mostly on how to live life through biblical principles.
and the singing is still there, but to bring us closer to God.

and this was prob the one that bugged me most.
why will the best person on earth go to hell while a bad christian go to heaven.

Try to imagine this.
God is loving, and He is also Holy.
A high court judge must sentence the criminal even if he is the judge's son.
the waiter at a restaurant that says you must wear jacket before entering must enforce the rule even if he really wants to let you in because you're a nice guy.

so the lines are clear. to enter, you must be holy, which we are not.
in the past, sacrifices (goats, animals) are made to cleanse our sins.
i'm not versed enough yet to know why blood must be shed to cleanse our sins,
but it was that way.
the holy priests would regularly do animal sacrifices.
and i think, even today, some cultures still practise sacrifices, and it stems from there.
perhaps even the food offering when the chinese pray, could stem from that.

So this is where we are.
God is just, so we cannot be close to God.
one way is to shed blood through sacrifices to get close to Him.
But God wants to save all of us,
so He made one final sacrifice.
He sacrificed Jesus.
Jesus' blood, redeemed us ALL.
Once and for all.
so no need high priest to kill goats anymore.

The analogy would be like this.
the High court judge has to fine his criminal son, but after sentencing him, he takes off his robe and pays the fine as a father and not the judge.

or the waiter that won't let you in the restaurant,
he can't,
but what he can do,
is to take off his OWN coat and give it to you so you can enter.

and i asked the shepherd,
if Jesus was the sacrifice for all, why must we acknowledge Him to be saved?
"because if you don't acknowledge Him, how can he be YOUR sacrifice?"

And that is why, if you aren't a christian, you can't enter heaven.
because we have sinned, and our sins have not been cleansed by blood to be made holy.

why would a bad christian go to heaven then, you ask?

because the salvation is there.
but it's not the end.
Jesus shed blood AND water.
Blood to save us, water to make us improve and be Godly.

a "Bad" christian has the "blood" and is saved,
but if he persists in sin, he will still be judged in heaven.
the bible continually says that to be a "superficial" chrisitian is not the way.

---------------------------------------

All this are all intellectual in nature.
i would not have become a christian if i sat here and analysed the bible.
i wouldn't even have sat down to read the bible in the first place.

As DH says, we should just believe in the most probable. (the theory of no God).

I wouldn't have believed if i haven't felt.
i saw pple being completely self-less (and they still are now, so it's not an "act"),
i saw patients in the hospital crying, touched by us as we sang to them.
i saw pple being completely open and caring to strangers.

and i wondered why.

and in this exact words, i asked God.
"there's something these pple are seeing that i am not. If you are real, show me what you are showing them."

and i was prompted to "open my doors"

and i did. and i saw what He showed them.
Peace. Love. Care. Happiness.

and much more.

and there were times after that when i read the bible and rebelled intellectually.
but i couldn't turn away, because i KNEW something is there.

and if you stick around for a while, the answers will come somehow.
and the more i find out, the more fascinating everything is.

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if you're completely pragmatic,
then here's a pragmatic thought.

Buddhism is very "open", and from what i know, if i'm a good christian, i may actually fit into being a good buddhist. as in a good christian does things that would fit into the laws of buddhism of good merit, and if buddhism is true, the christian would also get the buddhism "merits".

but a gd buddhist can't get the merits of christianity because the acknowledgement of Jesus' sacrifice isn't there.

or just believing in God in general.
if i believe and it's real, then great.
if i believe and it's not real, then no regrets also.
if i don't believe and it's not real, then nothing happens.
if i don't believe and it's real, then i go to hell.

so if you believe, it's either great or no regrets. if you don't believe, it's nothing or go to hell.

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i don't know.
i still think experiencing God is the most important first step.
Feel Him and let Him establish his presence, and then iron the rest out.

Why won't you believe in God? Why wouldn't you WANT to believe in God?

Time to take a breather!


*breathe*
wanted to nua today,
and then a phone call came from the brazilian missionary.
they'll be performing tonight and asked if i wanted to watch them.


most likely i'll be going.

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i've been attending a few church classes.

In my last one, 2 of my fellow course mates suddenly whispered.

"i want to fart. how?"
"now?"
"ya"
"I think you go outside? the room is small and air-conditioned lor"


she didn't leave the room.
but i couldn't tell if she released the bomb in the end, so all is well.


-----------------------------------------


on thurs i attended a seminar abt selling online.
the guy made millions trading online.
he had a few useful tips and i'm raring to go and experiment.


he told a story of how someone gave him a challenge when he claimed that everything and anything can be sold.
so the person looked ard the room randomly and gave him a tree branch.
sell this, he challenged the speaker, for more than US$50.


he sold it for US$200.


he also spoke abt how he dealt with serious competitors.
it was not a nice and fair way.

"i'm not here to be nice, i'm here to teach you how to sell"


when i heard his story the first thing that came to mind was,
"this is not biblical".


you can make a lot of money,
but sell your soul in the process, know what i mean?


the speaker was very laid back and looked very sian.
and i wondered why anyone worth 10s of millions of dollars would be sian.
I mean, with this sort of financial freedom, shouldn't everyday be a blast with you just doing things you're passionate abt?

Perhaps money really can't buy you happiness, if you don't pursue it the right way.

To be fair, it could just be a bad day or tiring day for him.


amazingly by God's will, i was having supper with a friend after the talk and in walked the speaker.
we invited him to eat with us.
he was still very sian, but revealed that he has a masters in christian theology as he wanted to be a priest when he was younger.


something's not quite adding up here.
but i have an inkling God has planned this for some reason.


The verse that keeps ringing in my mind after this episode, is
"Pursue His Kingdom and righteousness, and all these will be given to you"


(and i don't mean this as in he studied theology so he became a millionaire. i meant this as pursue riches the righteous way and true happiness will come your way)

-------------------------------------------


Postnote:


i was googling for the exact verse, and i found this:


"But seek first His Kingdom and His righteousness and all these things shall be given to you as well." Matt. 6:33 (NIV)


"The greatest tragedy is life is not death, but life without a purpose- life with wrong priorities." Life's greatest challenge is in knowing what to do. Life's greatest failure is to be successful in the wrong assignment".


Did not the Lord Jesus say: "What shall it profit a man if he gains the whole world but loses his own soul?" (Matt. 16:26).


Life is too short to waste on wrong priorities. It is of utmost importance to know the most important thing in life; the most important priority that we must pursue.

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On friday there was a church movie screening and the theme was the same.

it was abt a used car saleman who kept ripping off his clients, making them spend too much on broken cars.


he later changed his ways.
(i didn't catch the ending as i went for juggling mid-way).


there was an interesting line.

"how do we know what to price the car then? what is fair?", another saleman challenged the lead character.


"sell the car for the amount you would be comfortable with if your wife bought the same car with that amount"
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Juggling was pretty fun.
I have some big ideas again and i'm getting excited again.


while we were doing a 4 pple passing pattern,
a club head knocked straight into my eye.
i seriously thought i was gonna get a black eye but it looks fine.


----------------------------------------------------


Things at work are looking up.
I've a nagging feeling the time is not ripe yet.
that's why i'm not at peace with either decision.


Like Noah in Noah's Ark,
even though he sent a dove out and knew the land was dry,
he didn't step out until God told him to do so.
(Genesis 8:5-19)


and i read it in another book, i think it's Utmost for His Highest, that
"sometimes we make decisions in haste that takes God years to correct and bring us back to the intended path. So wait for His timing"

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i'm gonna get really fat now that i'm having lunches and munching all the time in the office.
there's always someone offering mooncakes somewhere.


Yesterday the company organised a mass run and almost everyone went, except the few of us.


"hey notice those pple who are here and aren't running are all the fat ones"
"haha, yeah!"
"ok, time to cut mooncake"
"oh my god, pple are burning calories lor, it's bad enough we aren't burning any, instead we're piling them on!"

-----------------------------------------------------


i told a few jugglers yesterday,
"i was gonna post this missioanry juggling performance event on the group email list, but some pple may think i'm too evangelical, so i'd better not. Even though my intention is really just to ask pple if they want to watch the performance, not so much the evangelism part"


"You're a christian, you're supposed to be evangelical." DH quipped.
"yup, it's '0' or '1', no in between," YH added.

----------------------------------------------------

i feel the physical strain sometimes but everything's so fun it's all ok.

Time's a factor . There's not enough time to do everything and i find myself rushing from place to place. I do wonder why i'm doing this but somehow there're no regrets.
Probably need to juggle some things and give and take here and there.
i'll just take one day and one step at a time.

oh well, i'll end this post with something someone just emailed me:


----------------------------------------------------




I believe that if you have the desire and passion to do something, and if it's God's will, you will achieve it in good time.


As humans, we continually put limits on ourselves for no reason at all!


What's worse is putting limits on God who can do all things. We put God in a 'box'.


The awesome thing about the Power of God, is that if we want to do something for God, instead of focusing on our capability, concentrate on our availability for we know that it is God through us and we can't do anything without God.


Once we make ourselves available for God's work, guess whose capabilities we rely on? God's!


I know that there is no such thing as luck, chance or coincidence that these 'bad' things happen in our life.


I had complete peace knowing that God won't let anything happen to us in our life unless God has a good purpose for it all.

My First Toastmaster Division Contest Experience

and i'm not even a contestant but that's besides the point.

so this is how it works.
Every club has a club contest, and the winner goes on to compete at Area contest (club winner vs club winner), and the winner of that goes on to Division, and the winner of Division is the "National" champion.

Toastmasters has 100s of clubs in singapore so believe me when i say it's not chicken feed.

On Sat i attended my first Area contest.
And very gung ho somemore, i was test speaker.

So i get to make my speech,
and contestants in the evaluation contest will evaluate my speech.
I basically get ripped apart 6 times. haha.

Before i went on, i sat through the humourous speech contest.
the standard was sooo high.

it was very enjoyable,
and so impressive.

and then it was the "oh shit i'm gonna do a speech in front of the experts" moment.

But it was still very fun.
i taped down my speech and on reviewing it, there're so many areas i can improve in.
but the audience lapped it up,
and it was one of those speeches i felt i did ok.

Usually after writing my speeches and rehearsing them, i can get a feel of whether the speech will work or not.
This one was not too bad.

Here's what the club's immedicate past president emailed out:

"After her speech, Yvonne came across as someone whom I would like to take home and show mummy .....Though she cannot cook, cannot clean the house, cannot drive but I still like her and believe all the problems and limitations will be solved eventually.

And I believe I am not alone. ... all other men will be thinking the samething .... ask Albert in private ... Ending is memorable.

Overall, both of you are fantastic and unstoppable!

I just feel that both of you belong to a special breed ( there are only a handful in our club ) who, the bigger the audience, the better they perform. You have achieved what others took years of struggling to reach this level.."

it's not all a bed of roses.
One of my evaluators went "there's too much 'you know', 'you know' in the speech. maybe you know, but i don't know."

"your eyes are darting everywhere"
"your hand gestures show you're nervous"

the overall atmosphere is an encouraging one though. :)
----------------------------------------

It was completely fun but super draining cos it was a combined area contest and went on for 6 hours.

By the time i got home i was completely pooped.

----------------------------------------

Attended the kids service today.
i was the biggest kid there.

shepherd was there to drum, and she invited me over.
we've been thinking if i could do something for the kids service.

she was drumming standing up which is very strenous for the foot (there's a foot pedal to tap)
and whenever her foot gets tired the beat goes haywire.

it's pretty amusing.

i'm not a fan of kid's performances and it was really early too and i was sleepy and unenthusiastic.
but i've just told her i'd like to try some ideas.
I think it'd be fun.

sermon today was pretty good.
the guest pastor said quite a bit that i could relate to,
including,
"don't pontang church! you'll be like doubting thomas!"
and i just pontang-ed church last week so shepherd had a field day ribbing me.

-----------------------------------

time to hit the books.
let's see what this week brings me.

Thank God It's Friday

i sometimes think i wallow too much in self pity :P
but hey, it's my blog right.
i get to wallow all i want.
I should keep this blog happy though.

Yesterday i wasn't even complaining.
Then dear angie msged me out of the blue asking me how work has been.
And she said some stuff that got me thinking.

Stuff like
"You know, I think you need to stop overthinking things."

She said some good words,
gave good advice like she always does.
And it just triggered another round of deep thinking.

And then i came across this music video,
what a good song.
It sounds like something from corinne may, but turns out it's from a taiwanese singer.

I first heard it in the office when someone played it on loop (!)
then i heard it again when the cafe played it during Jaime's bday dinner.
it's a lovely touching song.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HXX5Jvk9paE

"let's start from here
lose the past
change our minds
we don't need a finish line
let's take this chance

don't think too deep
all those promises we couldn't seem to keep
I don't care where we go
let's start from here"

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It poured in the morning.
Was already heavy hearted then rain somemore, sian liao.
contemplated not lugging my super heavy juggling bag,
and just come home to practise.

but i did anyway.

it was an ok Friday at work,
but was still pondering over the deep thoughts.

At the end of the day i was much happier, since it was Friday.
And it was bright and shiny, and i was glad i had my juggling equipment with me.

I half expected to be all alone at the esplanade,
and i was.
It was alright though,
i wanted to be alone.

Just me and music and my juggling.

I spotted a foreigner watching from one of the pillars.
nothing unusual abt that, pple sometimes watch.

Soon a group of abt 10 brazilians joined the foreigner,
and they started juggling!

They were also rehearsing a dance,
and looked every inch of a children or circus kind of performing group.

I thought abt how lucky i was.
I have been quite irregular in coming for Friday sessions,
and today must be my lucky day to bump into these brazilian performance group.

I watched enviously at their carefree and happy demeanours,
and decided i'll talk to them and ask them who they were,
but later,
first I'll juggle and immerse myself in music.

Xinfang arrived soon after,
and one of the brazilians took the chance to come over and talk to me.

they were surprised to hear i wasn't from a circus,
and was doing this as a hobby.
"you should come to brazil! join the circus there!"

Turns out they were travelling and performing round the world,
for 6 months before returning to Brazil.

And then, the magic words.
"We're from a mission group. We come from different churches but we belong to "Youth With A Mission". We perform for free round the world, and try to spread some love and message while doing it."

The guy i was speaking with had the strongest command of english, and he continued,
"I used to be an accountant. And i quit my job. We're all full time volunteers. It's wonderful to be doing things for God. He will provide somehow."

Just yesterday i met up with darren on the train so we could return stuff to each other.
He got me interested in contact juggling again,
and he updated me on his going-ons, like doing street evangelism.

"you know," i told him while we were doing the isolation contact juggling trick (with other passengers watching us curiously), "you could add juggling in. Use juggling as a tool to attract pple."

"yea maybe"
----------------------------------------------------

what an interesting day it has been.

Better sleep. Gotta do a speech for toastmasters tmrw.
And get ripped apart by 6 champion evaluators.
it's gonna be so fun.

TGIF.
Thank You.

4 Years On

4 years on,
and how far have I come.

----------------------------------
Once upon a time, I naively thought, all my childhood dreams would come true, each and everyone. Till I grew up and age in years, I came to the realisation that, life is like a hot air balloon, if you wish to go any higher, you gotta throw out the sandbags, one by one.

Gradually, in the end, all my dreams have been thrown away.

And me? I have become the person that I knew least. "

~by dunno who. quoted from someone else.
----------------------------------

When we stop playing, we are indeed already dead. We become living corpses, observing and talking about others' games, lamenting how our lives are empty and meaningless.

Deliberating endlessly on whether we should or should not follow our hearts and pursue our passion is not playing. Taking the first step into the direction of our dreams is playing.

http://juggleress.blogspot.com/2004/07/from-gone-fishin-is-life-is-game.html

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you wake up and you have no idea what is going to happen today, tomorrow, 6 months or a year later. Ironically, because of this uncertainty, all possibilities exist for you.

http://juggleress.blogspot.com/2004/06/stop-complaining.html

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"for where your treasure is, there your heart will be also"
-Matthew 6:21

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"All you need is faith in your decisions and choices."
"How do i know which one to go with?"
"I think you already know."
--------------------------------------------

Once upon a time,
I was so much happier.

"according to the horoscope, aquarians are highly analytical pple.
Money and material wealth and other common pursuits are not important to them.
when they get into emotional arguments, they will be more puzzled than angry on why the other party reacted that way.

i hate the idea of working just for the money.
it makes me feel like a worm.
(a bookworm. haha. from now on that's a degratory term)
it's something cemented into me during my holiday admin job a few years back.
the job was meaningless and boring and i was really just there to while time away and for the money.

and i never want to feel like that again.

and i think, maybe in a warped sense, i have been taking on low paying jobs just so that i CAN'T work for the money, cos it's too little.
i need to have alternative reasons for working there.
Think KFC, think bookworm.
KFC was pretty strange, there came a time when i was hanging there just to see if i could take the hardship of standing and being stressed for 8 hrs. "

http://juggleress.blogspot.com/2004/08/one-with-bookworm-club-aka-my-virgin.html
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4 YEARS ON....WHAT HAVE I LEARNT?

yesterday i walked from the MRT to Holland V.
I got lost.
and it was raining.
and it was crappy.
cos I have wet shoes two days in a row.

But i knew the general direction.
so i walked.
I walked up hills to find myself nowhere.
and I walked down again, cursing and swearing.

I walked down dark stairways,
I walked through empty void decks,
i was lost.

But i knew the direction.
and i kept walking, until i saw the bright lights of cold storage.

You need to know the direction.
Otherwise you'll just walk in circles.
Otherwise you'll give up.

"At 18 i panicked cos i didn't know what i wanted to do (and in singapore you don't actually get the opportunity or time to find out).

After i graduated i panicked cos i didn't know what i wanted to do.
Today i'm still quite unsure what i want to do.
Maybe 30 years later i still dun know.

but one philosophy never fails me. "follow your interest-let it be your compass".

i forgot which book that came from. sekali it's from a rap song.my interest is slowly taking more visibly solid shape, i think. Wonder where it will take me."

http://juggleress.blogspot.com/2005/07/following-post-was-written-while-i-was.html

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Young Juggleress to Old Juggleress alert.

what happened?

The Lord is My Shepherd, I shall Not Be in Want

In the book the Purpose Driven Life,
the author says that the days of a baby Christian are very exciting ones.
Because God tends to answer most prayer requests,
no matter how immature,
so as to reinforce His presence to the spiritual baby.

I daren't say He has answered all my prayers,
but with every day I get amazed by the things He does.

It was a trying week at work,
so much so that I was a thread from giving up.
And on the day i committed to give up,
I got my letter of raise and bonus.

Was that an encouragement from God or temptation of Evil?
i had no idea.

Was prepared to spend last weekend mulling over to stay or go,
and dear Poot called up with a
"This is an emergency! You have to come out meet me. Half hour at the outside coffeeshop."

In the past I wouldn't have agreed to go out on such short notice
especially in my "I need to be alone" state of mind.

It's one of the noticable changes I've noticed He has worked in me,
and i give God all praise for this.
Despite a general inner reluctance, I agreed to meet up with Boon.
It was something I had to do.

The afternoon chat with Boon was pretty nice,
with a super funny testimony which i'll elaborate on later.

We ordered fries and fried chicken wings to share but Boon was too upset to eat anything,
so i ate EVERYTHING.

(when Boon looked at the table and went "you finished everything?? Just because i didn't want to eat just now doesn't mean I won't eat at all.....", i knew she felt better and was back to normal.)

But anyway,
all that fried food gave me a sore throat and i got an MC on Tues!
I was on leave on Monday too so it was a super long refreshing weekend.
Can't help but feel that it was my reward for spending time with Poot! :)

The fact that i got drunk on Monday night may have contributed to my Tues MC.
but anyway, Tues was an important break as i got some thoughts sorted out.
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The Testimony with Boon in it

So sometime during our Sat chat,
I asked Boon to try something.
"Try asking God, 'if you're real, will you give me a Word'. A word to solve your problems, a direction."

And she went into a burrage of myths and "it's a good religion but i don't believe in God" while i listened patiently (and moved my chair away from her so that if lightning strikes it won't hit me accidentally)

Suddenly out of nowhere an old man came up to our table and offered to read our fortunes.
we didn't accept the offer in the end but i couldn't stop laughing.
Imagine us, right,
saying outright "God give us a direction",
and then Poot giving a lecture of how she won't believe,
and so God sent an old man up to "give us direction".

He wasn't even sitting or standing anywhere near us to overhear our conversation,
he was just walking by and stopped at our table!

It was really funny.
and Poot looked so stunned she stopped her lecture on disbelieving. :)
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Previous Friday was spent at an outdoor concert at Fort Canning.
Chi min did fire blowing and juggling.

I did some lighted ball juggling.
it was pretty nice.

Juggled fire clubs for the first time. :)
So tempted to buy a set now.

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Toastmasters Contest

On thurs i participated in my first toastmasters contest.
I was slotted into the humorous speech and evaluation contest.

Writing a humourous speech is super difficult.
you keep wondering if it's funny or corny.
and for the entire week i wasn't in the funny state of mind,
so i never felt my speech was up to it.

As God would plan it,
i was held back at work by some urgent work and got to the contest late, thereby getting myself disqualified.
so i never had to do the speech which i didn't feel was prepared adequately. :)

I was in time to listen to the other speeches,
and enjoyed myself immensely.

there was still a 2nd contest,
which i thought i was also disqualified for but i wasn't.
this time all the contestants were to do evaluations on the same speech by a test speaker.
After the speech, we were given 10 min to write notes in an enclosed room and we'll then be escorted to the stage one at a time to give the evaluation.

It was almost like an exam.
So exciting.

but the cammaraderie was strong and it was all really good natured and fun.
We the contestants in the "enclosed" room were everywhere.
Pple started going to the toilet, some went to take drinks, and one even helped himself to the buffet table outside!

"We're not supposed to be so relaxed!" i quipped.
"We're not?" he answered.
"Are you going to appear on stage with a plate of food?"
"yea! talk and munch!"

I may have overspoken my time in the end and got disqualified (again!).
But i got some encouragements and I was just really high after the contest.

Really fun.

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This sat i signed up to be test speaker for another club contest.
So this time i'll speak and get ripped apart by evaluation contestants.
I think it'll be fun,
until i had a look at the details again,
and realised that contest was at district level.

Meaning the contestants are all champions at club level!

gasp.

super nerve-wrecking,
but excited and raring to go.

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had a good juggling session on friday.
haven't juggled for some time.
the passion is coming back again.
just wished i had more time to spare.

Gab taught me to do a balloon Tiger (as in the one in Winnie the Pooh).
Still trying to find time to try it out before i forget.

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Spent the weekend that just passed on misc stuff and my speech.
Was so busy i skipped church.
Felt really guilty the whole day and did some quiet time with the bible.
It was a fruitful session. :)

the group also started sms-ing me and it was really sweet.

It's ironic,
but felt like i grew closer to the group and God by skipping church yesterday.

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Work is starting to get better.

My tech, whom i've had much problems with,
got his promotion letter and I may just have won him over.

i'm still surprised at the lack of ill feelings i have over his storming to my manager.
In fact when i reflect on the events from a 3rd party view, i feel quite touched by what i've done.
haha.

it's the Holy Spirit at work.
He knows what's going on.

Also found a fellow devoted christian at work.

Things are generally looking up for now.

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My parents bought this local self help book for several months now.
They kept egging me to read it (since they've already bought it as a favour to someone),
but i refused to, believing it's a financial gimmick kind of book.

In the midst of struggling to cope with work difficulties,
i just picked up that book one day.
Just like that, and started reading it.

It turned out to be a good true blue self help book,
and the author is Christian slanted without being overly religious in his writing.
In the book he recommended the Purpose Driven Life,
which i went to buy promptly.

I'm in the midst of reading both books now.
and getting encouraged by them.

Shepherd calls me a "wild sheep" because i can't get tied down, and a "hungry sheep" too because i keep asking her questions and she has decided to stop "feeding" me because "you will just keep asking and asking. Some answers you need to find for yourself."

I tell pple i'm a "hungry sheep and the shepherd won't feed me"
She tells them "the wild hungry sheep started wandering, got bitten by a wolf, and then went to get medicated grass to eat on her own!"

i don't believe it's by coincidence that i "just decided" to read the book.

Just for a moment,
contemplate.
Entertain the possibility,
that God may be real.

The days of a baby Christian are exciting indeed.
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The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.

He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
he restores my soul.

He guides me in paths of righteousness
for his name's sake.

Even though I walk
through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.

You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies.

You anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.

Surely goodness and love will follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD
forever.

-Psalm 23