Ninja Warrior

Went home today and saw that my juggling knives were touched.
They are usually packed tightly together so they don't drop and hurt toes.

the new maid must have been cleaning my room,
tried to clean those handles by pulling one out,
saw the parang blade,
and got so flustered she didn't bother pushing it back into place.

wonder what she thinks of me now.

just call me ninja warrior.
should start walking ard the house half masked.

Finding Your Life Mission

7 min before the laptop batt runs out.
in recent days i've been reading a lot.

one particular book "Finding your Life Mission" by Richard something (author of what color is your parachute, a wonderful career guidance book) wrote sth very succinct:

our life's mission:

1) To know God because He was the creator who gave you a purpose. If you don't ask the one who gave you a purpose, there can be no purpose to speak of.

2) To add love to the world. in every decision you make. big or small.
"A day cannot be perfect without you helping someone who will never possibly be able to help you back"

3) To find out your gifts to the world and use them. These are unique to you.

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While i'm still checking out (3) and (1) is a point of contention for non Christians, try out point (2). It really works. Makes all the difference.

All the books i'm reading are just variations of the 3 points above.


No reserves. No retreats. No regrets.
Love Peace and Joy.

Low batt.

ciao.

Madness

i just took leave to get my backlog of "things-not-related-to-work" done.
things are a little slow at work and i'm busier with all these outside stuff.

just spent the whole day tweaking and updating the TM website.
a bit tired now,
but perked up after seeing the fruits of my labour.

our website was listed quite high on google until it was hacked last year,
and when i took over it wasn't even listed anymore.
but now it's back up there!

YIPEE!!

i thought it would take weeks of work to get it back to listing,
but it's there!

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last sat went to TM@hope, i was the emcee of the day.
which means i get the most stage time.
as i was going to the beach after,
i wore berms and a T shirt.

when pple started arriving in shirts and ties,
i knew i was in trouble.

you could see from their eyes they were quietly tolerating my casualness,
but once they found out i was emcee of the day,
it was no holds barred teasing time.

"you're emcee for the day???? where's the changing room?"

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Spent 5 hours at east coast talking to sea God.
it was nice. :)

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I had an interesting juggling session a few weeks ago.
it was prob largely due to pms, but there is still truth in the revelation.

my juggling genie has left.

the conditions have changed, i have changed, everything has changed.
i realised that the peak of what i could have done with my juggling has gone.
the hunger and inspiration isn't the same anymore.

it was a pretty sad thing to realise,
but it was a peaceful farewell.
it has been a great journey.

the more important lession i learnt,
is that there is a time for everything.

ppls talk abt doing things before we die.
i now realised it's even shorter than that.
it's doing things while we CAN.
while the inspiration is still there.
while the energy and conditions are there.

the time is now.

perhaps my genie will return one day.
the juggleress will always remain a part of me,
even though right now it's just shell of what it was.

bye bye genie.
i hope you finally find the juggler who can fully show the world what you've shown me.
I hope what i've done hasn't disappointed you.
and i look forward to meeting your other genie pals.

it's time to move on.

the time is now.

Time for Change

been getting very restless lately.
very restless.
the pursuit of happiness.
the pursuit of significance.

i signed up for a talk last week to observe the speaker speak.
my colleagues were quite puzzled that i would "waste time" on this talk.

and while the subject itself wasn't that grand and it was mostly on stuff i already knew,
this org has a reputation for having very good speakers,
and i wanted to watch a corporate speaker in action.

i wasn't disappointed.

and one of the things i learnt from him,
was to have a personal mission statement.

he left his career of 9 years in search of significance,
and did a personal mission statement to follow.
and God brought him to the depths of despair ("no money to draw at the ATM and with 3 kids to feed) and then to the highs of financial success ("started earning 50k a month").

So i came up with my personal mission statement.
and saw where the gaps are.

It's time for change.
MUST change.
I just hope I get clearer signs from God that the time is indeed now.

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What is Truth

Was talking with shepherd on Pilate.
it's quite "amusing" in a way, where in the book of John,
Jesus kept saying "i tell you the truth" whenever he taught the pple,
and the last words he heard from Pilate (the governor who allowed the crucification) were
"what is truth?"

can imagine Jesus' sianz face.

"know the truth, and the truth will set you free"

what is truth? free from what?

For me the truth is that there is more than meets the eye.
there is a world beyond that Man can't comprehend. Our minds are limited.
and when you follow the bible, you start to see things very differently.

you're free from the Matrix.


did anyone catch the Tues channel 8 documentary on the 76 yr old old lady selling stuff at sungei road?
her children don't have enough to support her, and she has an ex-convict son at home who can't get a job.
so she supports herself and her son selling wares at sungei road,
earning a few bucks a day.

and still,
she has time to volunteer daily at a hospice.
she is illiterate,
but still,
learnt enough to get a buddhist scholarship at 68.
her hubby died at 30+, leaving her to raise 5 children singlehandedly,
and still,
she lived life with no bitterness.

she is an amazing lady.
she talks with this serenity and peace and smile,
and she reminded me so much of the laughing buddha.

i can't help but feel she has attained a higher understanding of life than most pple.

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Web HTML

toastmasters is taking up a lot of my time these days,
but i'm having a lot of fun.

i suddenly see how this is a platform where i can do anything and everything.
just experiment.
the club is there, and the exco and mentors give a lot of slack.
i can do nothing, and i can do everything.

as long as i don't drag down the club.

i'm now the webmaster as well.

~~
MSN session with SK, the guy who built the site 4 years ago:

"SK, what do you use to edit the site? is there free software i can use? Frontpage?"
"I use Notepad."
"Notepad???? you wrote HTML from scratch????"

"Yes. Pple say they join Toastmasters and learnt public speaking. I tell them I joined Toastmasters and learnt HTML"
~~

So now i'm playing with coding,
and getting tips from SK the shifu on site building tips.
it's funny how i bought a web link 2 years ago,
and never got round to start work on it (so the $$ has all gone to waste).

And now i'm forced to pick up website skills again.
God really wants me to do something online i guess.
if i won't do it on my own, i'll get assigned one.
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Leadership

the exco is a fun group and very strong in my opinion.
every position is filled with someone who takes ownership of their duties.

the irony is that the pres may actually be the weakest link.
she's very blur, but in a funny way so you can't get angry with her.

like she'll write a president's online address half way and end with "the rest pls follow (previous articles)"
and the mentors replied with "i'm not your secretary"

Or like she'll be in a meeting and then drift out halfway.
when we asked "i thought you were supposed to have a meeting with the governor".
she'll reply that it's over until one of the mentors came over and exclaim "everyone's inside why are you outside?"

the funniest one has got to be when her email name became a certain Mr Huang.
I thought it was her boyfriend and herself sharing the same email address,
until it came to light that she had no idea who Mr Huang is and it was some hacker.

Shepherd asked me 2 weeks ago,
"if all of you are doing all the work, what is the president doing?"

it's a good question.
and i think the most important role of the pres,
is vision.

she/he is the director.
everything we do completes her goals and vision.
it's a lot easier and fun when your exco is brimming with ideas and taking ownership,
and then her role is to guide us all.
Remove the ideas that don't fit into the vision,
and let us fly with those that do.

I've found so far with Toastmasters that i work very well under a defined boundary.
that's one thing that keeps frustrating me at work.
the boundary keeps changing.
depending on who you ask and when you ask,
my job scope keeps changing.

I need to know my area so i don't waste time on things outside my area,
and I concentrate fully on giving my all and experimenting with ideas within my area.

so anyway,
this is a fun exco to be in.
brimming with ideas and energy.
we could prob get by with a blur president,
but imagine if she was a brilliant leader,
we could take the club so high.

(the president, to be fair, has exceptional relational skills. that's why it's impossible to get angry with her no matter what she does)

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Busy Times

Busy times ahead for me.
i got a charity juggling show that i wasn't too keen on because i'm tired but then i remembered i still have the 100 shows for charity (M.A.D journey) to fulfil. i think i'm at show 8.

soon after that request, i got another call to do a channel 8 show.
i am asked to coach a senior citizen in juggling for a month in a reality show.
but it's those 4pm non prime time kind of slots so i don't think anyone who is working will watch it.

it sounds fun nevertheless.
i already have big ideas for the big finale.

if i can inspire the old to take up juggling,
and it's my conviction that it can improve mental and physical health for the old,
then my mission for this task is completed.

i need to remember that when i get tired with a packed schedule!

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There is Change coming.
i need to prepare for it.

Life is one big adventure with God!

"My purpose is to give them a rich and satisfying life" - John 10:10 (NLT)

Your Playing Small Doesn't Serve the World

I picked this up from ToastmastersAtHope this morning.
They all came from a speech by Kris.
I can almost see her not only as a Toastmaster mentor, but a spiritual mentor as well.

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Our Greatest Fear

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light , not our darkness, that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?

You are a child of god.
Your playing small doesn't serve the world.
There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.

We were born to make and manifest the glory of god that is within us.
It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

-Marianne Williamson“Our Greatest Fear” from her book “A Return To Love”

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Martin Luther King Jr. - "I submit to you that if a man hasn't discovered something he will die for, he isn't fit to live."

"As i reached my 40s, i started to wonder. What is my legacy? What is the thing I will die for?" - Kris, DTM
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"Leadership is about influence. It has nothing to do with position. Anyone who has the ability to influence someone, is a leader" - Kris, DTM

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I enjoyed my time at the church club.
They started with a prayer and the governor gave the go-ahead to do religious speeches if we want since it's a church club (usually it's off limits).

I may try a few biblical speeches there.
Imagine doing that in front of a pastor!
He'll probably pull me aside for some crash course on the bible.

I'm inspired!

Your playing small doesn't serve the world.
Let the Light Shine!

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On another note,
i'm getting consumed by emails from Toastmasters.
Being in the Exco is a full time job!

But it's a bit like getting a tattoo,
so painful,
and yet so addictive.

I grumble abt it,
say "never again",
and then I do it all over again.

Gambatte!

Weird Happenings

1) Brought some church friends to a Toastmasters storytelling class. Kris tells me Mike just started a new club in a church. Three days later Mike made me a mentor at the new club.

the name of the club? ToastmastersAtHope. And i'm from Hope. but not THAT Hope with the new Toastmasters club.

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2) Performed for Shan's wedding. Re-did the Aquarius routine. Had a glorious time. Started with a drop and ended with a drop (but had a flawless in between). So much for starting and ending well. Gelek gelek then drop. Super embarassing.

found that 3 lighted red balls look like a heart. apt for a wedding. Unfortunately the stage backup lights are red so no one saw the red balls.

found that most pple thought i dropped the knife on purpose. I didn't. Maybe i should.

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3) mom took 5 bars of choc and lined them in front of me.
"your dad bought these from NTUC. He's crazy liao."

two minutes later Mom walked away and Dad walked by.
"your mom bought 5 bars of chocolate from NTUC. She something wrong"

"she said you bought them and you said she bought them and both of you say each other something wrong. so WHO bought the chocolates?"

"you want swiss choc or jap choc or dark choc?"

"very thin hor"

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4) (msn-ing Jen on my friend's demise)

"you're one of the funniest friends i have" she wrote.

"i just told you my friend died and you tell me i'm one of the funniest friends you have"

"you said to affirm more! - Perhaps it's time to affirm each other more openly,to let others know they are gifted in their own ways,to open their eyes to what may not be apparant to them. - apparent spell wrong somemore"

"oh it's spelled wrong?"

"yes. Eh now it's your turn to affirm me back."
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5) This morning at work. Colleague got a bomb in early morning and started reading the horoscope on papers.

"It says for me, all things at work can be solved. Resignation is not a solution," she chuckled.
"wa cool. and mine says, there is a limit to my strength. Do not tire myself out. hey cool, i'm going to be doing the super tedious testing today."


the super tedious testing, by the way, is super tedious. I had to push a trolley of equipment to a secret dugout, where I am all alone in a HUGE room, and do stuff in solitude.

the funny thing is that i think i got a lot of sympathy from many colleagues, but i actually quite enjoy this solitude. I'll bring along my mp3 speakers and blast church songs, and there is something quite peaceful abt being all alone in a quiet place and singing on top of your lungs or just enjoying God's presence while i work.

anyway, after i said that, the sympathetic tones came again.

"How come you can still smile when you're stressed?" she asked
"she reads the bible" another colleague quipped.

(after 2 minutes of talking about how MJ's kids come in all sorts of colors)

"so, how do you relieve your stress?" she asked again.
"read the bible lor." i smiled.

I was quite surprised that she has never heard the Gospel before, and told her stuff that i knew.

"The bible actually has a lot of values and lessons we can apply to life"
"like 'Love your Enemies" my colleague quipped again.

so now we say "Love your Enemies" aloud when we get pissed.

"call the one who bombed you la. tell her it's my fault, it's ALL my fault, and I love you too"

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6) Testing in solitude in the afternoon.

Only other living thing, my colleague, in the area walked into my dugout.
He was stuck on his project and bored and started talking to me abt religions.

"Is Jesus God?"
"er..ya"
"Is he a FORM of God?"
"not really. It's not like Buddhism where there are many Gods. There is only one God, and Jesus is like kind of part of God."
"But why is he called Son? why got Father one? Or is he like one part like an arm of God?"
"erm. hmm."

And then he talked abt other religions and how he can't come to terms with any of them.

"you know, here's what i think. I think dogs can hear sound frequencies we can't. there are limitations to the human mind. Quantum physics calculations show that there can be as many as 16 dimensions. But our mind can only handle 3 dimensions. We cannot imagine how 16 is like. So some things, we will never be able to understand."

"ya but we shouldn't just simply run behind that reason. like i don't understand, oh because it's God."

"agree. dont' let it stop you from entering. there are still things i can't handle. i'm growing along the way. You know what else we believe in. We believe we're all here for a purpose, and especially for singles we can get restless doing things day in day out. Knowing God's purpose is very helpful"

I must have struck a chord somewhere (even though i meant it more as a reference to myself since i was single. he was married with kids and i figured he has the kids to focus on).

He started telling me abt his worries for his mom, his pressures from his wife and kids, and i could sense regret and sadness.

"I dun know how to be a good dad."

We talked a bit more before he left.
It was really odd cos we're not exactly chummy. we're just usually hi bye sort of colleagues.
but the conversation was a vulnerable "open window" moment from him.
he was usually a loud, joke spewing guy in the office and not one to show his vulnerable side i think.

"oh by the way," he turned as he walked through the door of the dug-out," I saw your butt crack when i was walking in and you were squatting down"

"YOU STILL DARE TO SAY"

"just reminding you, just reminding you," he chuckled.

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7) Male colleague trying to assemble 2 boards together using connectors.

Me to him: "wah eh you see hole only you anyhow insert one ah"

Surrounding colleagues: "EH SHE TELL you don't anyhow see hole only insert ah!!"

sigh.