Waiting For the World To Change

Isn't it wonderful the existence of youtube.
almost everything you want is up there somewhere.

So here's another one.
When i was at Boston the radio played it every few hours.
and everytime i hear the bell portion at the beginning and middle of the song,
i feel like crying.

Something about the bells is just too captivating.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HXWXQeHCWpo




Lyrics to John Mayer Waiting On The World To Change

me and all my friends
we're all misunderstood
they say we stand for nothing and
there's no way we ever could
now we see everything that's going wrong
with the world and those who lead it
we just feel like we don't have the means
to rise above and beat it

so we keep waiting waiting on the world to change
we keep on waiting waiting on the world to change
it's hard to beat the system when we're standing at a distance
so we keep waiting waiting on the world to change

now if we had the power to bring our neighbors home from war
they would have never missed a Christmas no more ribbons on their door
and when you trust your television
what you get is what you got
cause when they own the information, oh they can bend it all they want

that's why we're waiting waiting on the world to change
we keep on waiting waiting on the world to change
it's not that we don't care, we just know that the fight ain't fair
so we keep on waiting waiting on the world to change

and we're still waiting waiting on the world to change
we keep on waiting waiting on the world to change

one day our generation is gonna rule the population
so we keep on waiting waiting on the world to change
we keep on waiting waiting on the world to change

Who Says You Can't Go Home

This was one of the songs i was hooked on in Alabama.
bon Jovi became a country band!
the lady singer they collaborated with is from Sugarland, another of my favourite country band.

Country songs can be very catchy, simple and sincere.
a pity none of the top country songs get played here except during the Grammy's telecast.

Enjoy.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cXgvV89APRQ



BON JOVI LYRICS
"Who Says You Can't Go Home"

I spent 20 years trying to get out of this place
I was looking for something I couldn't replace
I was running away from the only thing I've ever known

Like a blind dog without a bone
I was a gypsy lost in the twilight zone
I hijacked a rainbow and crashed into a pot of gold

I been there, done that
and I ain't lookin' back on the seeds I've sown,
Saving dimes, spending too much time on the telephone
Who says you can't go home

[Chorus]
Who says you can't go home
There's only one place they call me one of their own
Just a hometown boy, born a rolling stone,
who says you can't go home
Who says you can't go back,
been all around the world and as a matter of fact
There's only one place left I want to go,
who says you can't go home
It's alright, it's alright, it's alright, it's alright, its alright

I went as far as I could, I tried to find a new face
There isn't one of these lines that I would erase
I lived a million miles of memories on that road

With every step I take I know that I'm not alone
You take the home from the boy, but not the boy from his home
These are my streets, the only life I've ever known,
who says you can't go home

[Chorus]

It doesn't matter where you are,
it doesn't matter where you go
If it's a million miles aways or just a mile up the road
Take it in, take it with you when you go,
who says you can't go home

[Chorus]
It's alright, it's alright, it's alright, it's alright, its alright
Who says you can't go home [x2]

It's Looking Up!

the past week has been hectic like ^%$#.
i got 3 visitors from US at work,
so it was all about juggling the normal work stuff and catering to them.

the first and last night they came, i stayed till 11pm.
and sometime in between i got 2 days MC, haha.
of which i could only take 1 day because i can't afford to be away for 2 days with them ard.

had to discuss with the doctor on how many non-drowsy pills she needs to give me (as opposed to her favourite drowsy ones)

They've gone back now.
i think i've just about cleared up everything from their visit.
it was nice seeing them again, but it just got too busy and chaotic.

---------------------------------

my auditions got through!!
YAY!

only one director called me up,
and initally it seemed like i've already gotten the role.

then a few hours later he smsed me that another actress was also interested,
so now i had to audition again with her.

it was a little disappointing cos i got all hyped up already, but like what i told Jen, "what's meant to be is meant to be".

HEHEHE.

in typical "i'm so loser-ish" fashion, i waited and waited for the director to sms me the results of the 2nd audition for 4 days. Just as i was about to accept that i failed, i checked email and there was the email from him (sent 3 days ago) that i'm in!

------------------------------------

The one with the Geylang room

the 2nd audition was held in a shophouse in Geylang.
Meeting up with 3 guy strangers for the first time in a geylang shophouse didn't seem too smart.
jen, who seems to know where all the sleazy places in Geylang were, told me that "only the even numbered lorongs are red light district areas. Why, your new job is in Geylang is it?"

Research from the internet showed that lor 8 to 24 are the "red-hot" areas, so i was pretty safe. Also found that the shophouse place was really a church with a pastor with a passion for theatre, and was listed in several reputable arts and theatre websites.

so off i went in search of my adventure in Geylang.

Right off the mrt station and i was greeted by a large neon "Massage Palour" signboard.
As i manouvered my way round countless eating places packed with a surprisingly large number of chinese nationals, i finally found the place.

it was just beside the shop that with a large display that says "Massage 30 min. or 15 min."

i stared up the long dim stairway leading to the church on the 2nd storey. can't see where it leads to. this better not be to Mdm Massage-30-min-or-15-min. That would be a very different kind of audition huh.

With a sigh and a "can't believe i'm doing this" thought, i walked up the stairway and knocked on the door.

The rest of the evening was eventful enough.
it really was a church, and the pple were all decent folks.
i met up with the director and one other guy cast member.
They were, erm, cute (very!) and young too.

Turns out both of them studied in the US and just got back.
One yearns to go back to the US one day.
both are not in this professionally and are in theatre for the love of it.

Also met up with the pastor, who was the one who wrote the script of our play.
his church does a community theatre production once a year and he asked us to come play a part when the next one comes around.

it's so cool to stumble and find these pple, you know?

so in the end i auditioned for it and while waiting for the other actress to turn up, we just talked and got to know each other.
i saw the other actress audition and i thought we were both quite similar in style, so my chances were 50-50.

it's all good now. i foresee much stress in the following month but it should be a lot of fun.
The play will be held in the Arts House where the old parliament used to be. :)

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haven't been juggling too much.
now in the midst of discussion with someone on holding a juggling workshop.
if it gets through i may have to start making about a hundred Singa balls, my little home-made Russian juggling ball.

maybe at some point i'll step back and realise i spend too much time doing really dumb stuff.

Also trying to plan a runaway-from-it-all trip with henry. but first we need to settle the runaway-to-where? part.
------------------------------------------------

so it's all good for now.
i'm creating enough chaos outside work to keep up my enthusiasm.

i found that it helps me keep upbeat when i plan for a major upheaval every few months. it's something to look forward to, and in the months after there's enough excitement to carry over. and when it dies down you plan another major event to bump up the mood again.

my last interview and the audition also told me, once again, that if you want something badly enough, you'll usually get it. Hunger and desire are hard to find, and when you have it, you can't hide it.


~~
"Have you ever had the feeling, that you can be successful in whatever you do, if you put all your energy into it? it's just, you don't really know what you want that you'll put everything into it?"

"Yeah i know what you're talking abt."
~~
-as discussed with Steph over stingray and sugarcane at Chomp chomp

Monologue

haven't been happy for a while now.
since Feb maybe?
it's like a prolonged PMS..a sense of dullness that you can't snap out of.
not good.

just the other day i was upset enough to start riding the unicycle again.
i figured if i was gonna kill myself might as well do it by unicycling.

the unicycle has become the symbol of unsurmountable challenges.
maybe if i can ride it, i can overcome anything.
but i can't, so that sucks.

--------------------------------------

met up with Jen the other day, at a Hong Kong styled cafe.
it's an interesting place with good service but the food sucks.
hong kong dim sum in singapore doesn't taste that bad.

so we were catching up, and she went:

"you know what i notice about you RGS girls, you are all too self centred."
"that doesn't sound like a compliment..."
"it's not."
"thanks ah..."

i think it's because we're tuned towards a more Western form of thinking of personal independence. Add to that, the talk of empowerment and you have girls with ambitions they're not shy to reach for.

Just the other day i was discussing with my boss and colleague on the benefits of an all girls school. "you tend to be a bit more vocal and strong", i said,"it seems to me that in a mixed school the girls tend to be more meek in the presence of boys."

Jen and i also talked about her TV star friend.

"so what has she been up to?"
"shooting adverts for Olay"
"Olay? the potato chip?"
"Olay the brand of makeup! since when was there Olay potato chip?!"

-------------------------------------

so i signed up for an audition a few weeks back, just for the heck of it.
when the audition list came out, i saw the actress of MediaWorks Ah Girl fame in the same batch.

Lagi best.
Me with my totally zero experience together with her the household name.

Never realised what an actor's resume looked like and what a headshot was until i sat down to make one.

only really memorised my audition monologue at midnight yesterday (for the audition today).
before that i was nuah-ing around trying to convince myself that i should skip the audition.
it's funny how these things go.
no matter how much i tried to dissuade myself, i knew that i was going.
quite a different experience from my previous job interview, where my head kept telling myself to go but my heart just knew it was not to be.

so down i went to NAFA today.
waited for abt an hr for my turn.
did some small talk with the others and they were saying how calm i was for a first timer.
i did have a minor panic attack waiting at the door just before going in, was worried about forgetting my lines.

it all went pretty well.
the adrenaline rush of auditioning in front of a group of directors was worth the wait and preparation.
somehow a different person emerged while on stage.
it's hard to describe, it's like stepping into another zone.

anyway, hope i get in, it'd be fun i think, to be involved in a professional play.

--------------------------------

Was on TV the other day, albeit just a small bit.
there was a documentary on juggling and unicycling.
i told my colleagues at work to catch it.
to my horror i read the TV listing and it says the documentary is on cyber gaming.
gd thing the listing was wrong, i can imagine all of them giving me stick the next day for making them go home early to watch cybergaming.

-----------------------------

This, is one strange MSN session with a friend i haven't spoken to for over 2 years.

Him: "r u getting married soon or something? it's common to many of my friends."
Me: "haha..no...fortunately, or unfortunately, no"
Him: "i c. erm , u r erm........dunno if i should ask, but u r straight right?"
Me: "yes i am, thanks for asking. are you?"
Him: "of course"
Me: "that's cool"
Him: "it's gdto be straight"
Me: "not good to be homophobic though"
Him: "have u slimmed down or something?"
Me: "you ask strange questions for someone i haven't caught up for 2+ years........"

-----------------------------------

Overheard in the audition room:

"You're in NTU right? in engineering?"
"Do i LOOK like someone who is in engineering? no way man, i'm in mass comm"

I hate it when pple diss off engineering like that.
Engineering is really not as boring as pple make it out to be.
In the workplace (and maybe only there), you see the beauty of it.
the beauty of creating something tangible from nothing.
the beauty of understanding and making something work.

it really is a nice place to be in if you're surrounded by intelligent pple of the same frequency whom you can bounce around ideas with and get the eureka moment.

maybe that's all i need.
maybe, that's all i need.

The Search for Excitement

my schedule was turned completely upset down last week.
tried to juggle work and juggling commitments.
thought it'd be kind of fun and fulfilling.

In a sense it was.
while i was on the train to the other end of singapore to find willie for an SOS diabolo loan,
i thought it was kind of cool.

to really plan your time well so you have time for everything.
for work and personal life.

it felt nice too to have something to look forward to after work.

but after the first day the stress level cranked up.
it wasn't fun getting up at 5.30am to get to work early ( so i could leave early).
it wasn't fun carrying all those equipment...and it had to rain heavily too. nice.

it wasn't fun being stressed at work knowing i HAVE to finish something by a certain time cos there's an uncompromising appointment after that.

it wasn't fun leaving the office early with that giant of a bag. wouldn't be so bad if i left discreetly you know. but noo...i had to chug that huge bag leaving no doubt at all that i was leaving early while all eyes were on me.

it was also quite tiring to juggle enthusiastically after a long stressful day at work.
and then have another full 16 hour day after that.

Anyway,
and i know this would happen.

after it's all over,
i'm just raring to do it all over again.

thought it's kind of amusing that the boss called after i left and i spoke to him on the phone with disco music blasting behind.
like, pple usually take time off work to bring their kids to the doctor while beautiful me has an urgent disco appointment.
(techincally, it's not time off since i got to the office at 7. 7!! who even wakes up at 7!)
------------------------------

i saw something on TV the other day that made me think.
(doesn't happen often.)

it was a short documentary on prostitution in Batam.
the documentary itself was nicely done, but it was the credits after that shook me.

"This documentary was produced and directed by (insert names) as their Final Year Project at the School of Mass Communications, NTU."

And then i thought of what i had done for MY FYP.
counting dots of dirt (i literally did that).

it was the social impact and the legacy that got to me.
these students created something special. something nice, that showed pple the injustice that was happening at batam. perhaps along the way they indirectly freed up a few enslaved prostitutes through their documentary. the fact that it was an FYP was an icing on the cake.

they did something really worth doing,
while my counting of dirt was only useful to my supervisor.

i'm not discounting on his research project,
which is probably extremely useful to the semiconductor industry.
but it kills me that what i've done, or chosen to do, was so insignificant.

and then i think of life in general.
and still, what i've chosen to do now, is insignificant.

i realise now there were so many opportunities of exploration that the university tried to give us.
they made us do small little projects we could freely choose topics on, they gave us a semester to present a business idea..etc.
but the original intention, to let students roam freely creatively, always gets lost because we were really only concerned abt graduating.
we didn't have that much time too, to be honest, to roam freely.

so we did all the safe things to get us the marks. things that were ok, but insignificant.

and now, for the sake of stability and not-too-bad income, i choose to do things that are ok, but insignificant.

at NUS it was for graduation, what excuse do i have now?
when will i realise, there is no destination at the end to prepare for, and it really is the journey that matters?
-----------------------------------------

and so the search for excitement continues.
i'll be spending the rest of my night writing my non-existent acting resume (oh my the auditions will be fun given my zero experience. watch me get eaten up.)

may the drama be with me.

The Office

what a difference the desk makes.
the cow (with the moo) is in place, the bright pink pig is in place and the abacus is in place.
it lightens up the day just looking at them.

Had a small space left and i wanted to pin something cool on it.
i decided to go with what i read in the book "Inspired".
One of the guys in there told everyone in the office to think of a word that they most relate to, and they painted everyone's names and their words on the walls.

so i set out to find my very own word.
i came back with a sign that says "kiss my ass".

no exactly one word.
and not the phrase i most relate to.
but i like it.
and so it's up. next to the PC screen saver which says "the shit starts here".

Quite fun when someone comes up to ask me to do something and i point to the "kiss my ass" sign.

i love my desk.

the one more thing that will fit great is a 50 cm long pencil.
i can stick them in my coat pocket and it'll come right up to my chin.
chinatown has them somewhere.
-----------------------------------------------

the week has been kind so far.

went to the bar with my parents and uncle on mon.
drinking never makes me high.
i just feel sick and sleepy.
not wired up to be an alcoholic.

had a nice chat with henry about how meaningless everything is.

have a juggling engagement coming up.
pretty much spent about one week negotiating and "stirring trouble" until now i'm like quite pressured to perform.
itchy backside.

so it's all good for now. :)
kissMarAss.
maybe that's my word after all.