Will the World be a Better Place without Religion?

Just saw that topic on CNN, in the light of terrorism
it makes a good essay question doesn't it
or at least a good topic to debate on in class

i don't think the world will be a better place without religion
religion provides hope, strength and it's an anchor to hold on to
it provides guiding principles that at the very least make us feel guilty for sinning

what the world needs is religious acceptance
acceptance, not tolerance.
Acceptance.
accept that not everybody believes in the same thing
accept that you'll go to heaven and may your friend go to the heaven's equivalent of what she believes in

be spiritual, not religious

and we need to condemn extremists like we condemn cult groups
those who misinterpret the holy books should not be allowed to smear the name of the religion

the lady on CNN from the "Foundation without Religion" argued that
a world without religion will be just like the lyrics of the john lennon song
imagine no religion
no hell below us, above us only sky
and instead of channeling energy towards an unknown god
we'll channel our love and energy towards what we have now, towards our people

it's an interesting point
but people being people
will always find something to believe in, and always find something to fight each other for
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i'd better go pack.

I Hate Goodbyes, I Love Goodbyes

this is probably the prelude to the final goodbye
i hate goodbyes
there is always some sort of a sense of closure
like another chapter of my life closing, or closed
archived in memory
likely never to be relived again, except in my head

I love goodbyes
because with every goodbye i remember the good times i have
with the people, with the place
i feel sad that it'd be over, but i feel grateful
and i cannot ask for more than to live each day with gratitude

-------------------------------------------------
i've been waiting for friday since monday
but now that it's here, feel a bit sad actually

W just came over to buy my bike and microwave
as i start selling things and emptying my apartment, i guess the feeling of moving-on gets more apparant

(W also cleared out my 4 dead cockroaches lying all around the apartment. For once in months i see no cockroach!)

i'm still excited and looking forward to going home
but i miss alabama already

things are looking up at work too
the ironic thing is things are picking up here and there're delays in the transfer
so i think i'm actually more useful staying behind
to see through the assignments i'm involved in
oh well
no one is indispensable

it's nice to know i'll be missed.
i'll miss you too alabama.

It doesn't rain. It pours.

Yesterday was pretty much a free day.
Everything in order, nothing much going on.
spent most of the afternoon packing my desk deciding what i need to take with me.

at 3pm, we had a conference call.
Suddenly there was a whole list of things to do.
and they were not straightforward somemore

I reminded them that the machine is leaving next week
heck I am leaving next week too!
so that means only one thing
the list of things has to be done before next week.

after the meeting it was already 4pm.
so i spent the day wondering what to do and at 4pm the rain poured in.

it was alright though.
i was quite excited by the tasks actually
it felt like real engineering work for once

it was like 3 challenging mysteries to solve
and it was fun
to probe around, find out what's going on
and of course the satisfaction of solving the problem
ah..sweet. :p

today's wed so that makes it 3 12-hr days in a row.
only really felt tired today
i had these 3 challenges in front of me and suddenly GB appeared with 6 huge boxes of stuff for me
a headache developed right then

i'm still in very high spirits though
partly because of my trip next week
partly because it's fun working on the problems

anyway the stuff wasn't as hard as i thought it would be
i think they're more or less settled already after FJ and i spent the entire day on them
i thought it'd take more time and i didn't want it to drag till next week
(hence the 12 hr days)
but it didn't
so that's cool

then again it doesn't rain, it pours
and always suddenly
so who knows what tmrw will bring
--------------------------------------------

i'm struck by the similarity between university project work and the real world
i guess school is not that useless after all
the real world is all about working on projects in groups
there's a leader to thread things together
and everyone has roles and keeps everyone else in the loop

there's working together bent over oscilloscopes to get the hardware to work
there's working together throwing ideas to get the software to work

and of course there's the long hours

it's a lot more exciting out of school though
cos for one there's no clear cut answers anymore
no more looking at other groups to see what they did, or getting answers from seniors
now we're on our own

there's real money involved too
and better still there's real use for our solutions
it's nice creating something and then watching it get used

there's also the report writing and powerpoint presentation and breaking out into small groups for discussion....
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during one of the sudden moments of reflection while sitting at my desk at 7pm
i realised this is probably good practice for working life back home
i bet working long hours is norm there
i wonder whether 20 years down the road i'll feel like i wasted my time working
it helps that i was having fun working on my problems
so i didn't feel like i was wasting time right then
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stayed in my apartment most of the weekend that passed
it was blardy hot outside so it's nice to stay home
i also wanted to get some good rest
i've come to learn that when i don't get enough rest during the weekend
the entire week after that sucks big time

i gathered a few more ideas while bumming at home
and checked out some rates to see how much it'll cost me to set my idea in motion
wasn't as much as i thought
it's gathering speed then
i hope this momentum keeps going

spent sunday at the restaurant as usual
they're getting much busier as the word spreads around abt their sunday discount
during the slower periods of the noon they taught me how to fold popiah
the ones they made look damn nice lor
it's quite obvious which were the ones i made
it's either too short or too fat or too thin
(i told them they can sell mine at half price)
after a while i got the hang of it
still terribly slow, but at least they look much better

they said they'd show me how to make pao and wanton this week
but my 12 hour days means i haven't had the time to stop by yet
oh well
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tmrw's thursday already!
looking forward to my trip. heh.
this week has been good so far.
it's not really a farewell, but still sort of like one.
everyone's been a blast, especially this week
or maybe it's because i'm in high spirits so the world's much nicer

F gave me a John Deere cap in the middle of the working area
(john Deere is to tractors what mercedes is to cars)
which means everyone saw it
and so started the debate of how they're gonna dress me up as a country girl before sending me to the airport
"a wife-beater's shirt, overalls with folded ends, bare-foot, john deere cap worn lopsidedly, 2 ponytails, straw in the mouth, a southern accent and you're good to go!"

gotta go sleep.
incredibly tired
but happily so.

Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish.

below is the Stanford Commencement address by Steve Jobs.
I love it.

I was quite depressed yesterday.
Nothing much to do at work
so had a lot of time to observe and reflect
and it wasn't a pretty sight

I felt like it wasn't fair
i've always believed that hard work will reap rewards
and in school it was that way
there would be some smart ones who didn't need to study
but by and large i know if i put in the work i'll get my reward

it just doesn't seem that way anymore
i put in my share of work wholeheartedly
and i get disillusioned when others don't and get away with it
riding on their strength of being vocal

it's frustrating when you work in a group and some don't do their duty
it's frustrating because hard work doesn't correlate to rewards directly anymore

there are other reasons to work hard of course
amongst them the satisfaction of a job well done and the enquiring of new knowledge for personal improvement
but some days you question why

i'm frustrated
modesty is not a virtue here
it is a sign of incompetency

maybe i need to change
work on my PR
but i feel so empty when i'm not sincere

at what point do i change and fit in with the crowd
will i change?
should i change?
am i changing already?

i hope that it's just a difference in culture
still, in this global world, maybe that counts for nuts
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today was a much better day
was much busier so felt more fulfilling

I told GB that AH the prof-lookalike is cute
i meant cute like in a cartoon way
i think she thought i meant it in a hunky way

anyway now whenever AH asks us to do something and i get it done
GB will be like
"wow that's fast. is it because he is soo cute???"

had kang kong and pig's trotters for dinner yesterday.
chinese restaurant lady boss was telling me
"you can eat the skin of the pig trotters. but those with hair sticking out don't eat."

HAIR sticking out???

it's like very gross yes?

i tried one. not a fan of trotters.
--------------------------------------------

back to staying foolish and hungry.

i can think of a couple of things i want to get done.
just for the heck of it.

i started discussing it with a few pple this week.
just by discussing it i can see a billion reasons why my idea wouldn't work
it'll be so scary to actually start doing it
because there'll be no turning back

but who knows
maybe one day when i'm foolish enough i'll really get into it
just for the heck of it

"the point of (the idea) is to be quirky, otherwise there is no point"

so below is the story of steve jobs.
i chuckled when i read that he dropped out of college too like bill
i get reminded of the tea session with angie, wanyi, huiying and folks
we were stressed by school and talked about dropping out "like bill"
angie was like "he dropped out cos he is bored. we want to drop out cos we can't cope."

keep looking.
don't settle.
stay hungry.
stay foolish.
believe.
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~ Transcript taken from here. Emphasis made by me~

'You've got to find what you love,' Jobs says

This is the text of the Commencement address by Steve Jobs, CEO of Apple Computer and of Pixar Animation Studios, delivered on June 12, 2005.

I am honored to be with you today at your commencement from one of the finest universities in the world. I never graduated from college. Truth be told, this is the closest I've ever gotten to a college graduation. Today I want to tell you three stories from my life. That's it. No big deal. Just three stories.

The first story is about connecting the dots.

I dropped out of Reed College after the first 6 months, but then stayed around as a drop-in for another 18 months or so before I really quit. So why did I drop out?

It started before I was born. My biological mother was a young, unwed college graduate student, and she decided to put me up for adoption. She felt very strongly that I should be adopted by college graduates, so everything was all set for me to be adopted at birth by a lawyer and his wife. Except that when I popped out they decided at the last minute that they really wanted a girl. So my parents, who were on a waiting list, got a call in the middle of the night asking: "We have an unexpected baby boy; do you want him?" They said: "Of course." My biological mother later found out that my mother had never graduated from college and that my father had never graduated from high school. She refused to sign the final adoption papers. She only relented a few months later when my parents promised that I would someday go to college.

And 17 years later I did go to college. But I naively chose a college that was almost as expensive as Stanford, and all of my working-class parents' savings were being spent on my college tuition. After six months, I couldn't see the value in it. I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life and no idea how college was going to help me figure it out. And here I was spending all of the money my parents had saved their entire life. So I decided to drop out and trust that it would all work out OK. It was pretty scary at the time, but looking back it was one of the best decisions I ever made. The minute I dropped out I could stop taking the required classes that didn't interest me, and begin dropping in on the ones that looked interesting.

It wasn't all romantic. I didn't have a dorm room, so I slept on the floor in friends' rooms, I returned coke bottles for the 5¢ deposits to buy food with, and I would walk the 7 miles across town every Sunday night to get one good meal a week at the Hare Krishna temple. I loved it. And much of what I stumbled into by following my curiosity and intuition turned out to be priceless later on. Let me give you one example:

Reed College at that time offered perhaps the best calligraphy instruction in the country. Throughout the campus every poster, every label on every drawer, was beautifully hand calligraphed. Because I had dropped out and didn't have to take the normal classes, I decided to take a calligraphy class to learn how to do this. I learned about serif and san serif typefaces, about varying the amount of space between different letter combinations, about what makes great typography great. It was beautiful, historical, artistically subtle in a way that science can't capture, and I found it fascinating.

None of this had even a hope of any practical application in my life. But ten years later, when we were designing the first Macintosh computer, it all came back to me. And we designed it all into the Mac. It was the first computer with beautiful typography. If I had never dropped in on that single course in college, the Mac would have never had multiple typefaces or proportionally spaced fonts. And since Windows just copied the Mac, its likely that no personal computer would have them. If I had never dropped out, I would have never dropped in on this calligraphy class, and personal computers might not have the wonderful typography that they do. Of course it was impossible to connect the dots looking forward when I was in college. But it was very, very clear looking backwards ten years later.

Again, you can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something - your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.

My second story is about love and loss.

I was lucky – I found what I loved to do early in life. Woz and I started Apple in my parents garage when I was 20. We worked hard, and in 10 years Apple had grown from just the two of us in a garage into a $2 billion company with over 4000 employees. We had just released our finest creation - the Macintosh - a year earlier, and I had just turned 30. And then I got fired. How can you get fired from a company you started? Well, as Apple grew we hired someone who I thought was very talented to run the company with me, and for the first year or so things went well. But then our visions of the future began to diverge and eventually we had a falling out. When we did, our Board of Directors sided with him. So at 30 I was out. And very publicly out. What had been the focus of my entire adult life was gone, and it was devastating.

I really didn't know what to do for a few months. I felt that I had let the previous generation of entrepreneurs down - that I had dropped the baton as it was being passed to me. I met with David Packard and Bob Noyce and tried to apologize for screwing up so badly. I was a very public failure, and I even thought about running away from the valley. But something slowly began to dawn on me – I still loved what I did. The turn of events at Apple had not changed that one bit. I had been rejected, but I was still in love. And so I decided to start over.

I didn't see it then, but it turned out that getting fired from Apple was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. The heaviness of being successful was replaced by the lightness of being a beginner again, less sure about everything. It freed me to enter one of the most creative periods of my life.

During the next five years, I started a company named NeXT, another company named Pixar, and fell in love with an amazing woman who would become my wife. Pixar went on to create the worlds first computer animated feature film, Toy Story, and is now the most successful animation studio in the world. In a remarkable turn of events, Apple bought NeXT, I retuned to Apple, and the technology we developed at NeXT is at the heart of Apple's current renaissance. And Laurene and I have a wonderful family together.

I'm pretty sure none of this would have happened if I hadn't been fired from Apple. It was awful tasting medicine, but I guess the patient needed it. Sometimes life hits you in the head with a brick. Don't lose faith. I'm convinced that the only thing that kept me going was that I loved what I did. You've got to find what you love. And that is as true for your work as it is for your lovers. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on.

So keep looking until you find it. Don't settle.

My third story is about death.

When I was 17, I read a quote that went something like: "If you live each day as if it was your last, someday you'll most certainly be right." It made an impression on me, and since then, for the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: "If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?" And whenever the answer has been "No" for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.

Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything – all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure - these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.

About a year ago I was diagnosed with cancer. I had a scan at 7:30 in the morning, and it clearly showed a tumor on my pancreas. I didn't even know what a pancreas was. The doctors told me this was almost certainly a type of cancer that is incurable, and that I should expect to live no longer than three to six months. My doctor advised me to go home and get my affairs in order, which is doctor's code for prepare to die. It means to try to tell your kids everything you thought you'd have the next 10 years to tell them in just a few months. It means to make sure everything is buttoned up so that it will be as easy as possible for your family. It means to say your goodbyes.

I lived with that diagnosis all day. Later that evening I had a biopsy, where they stuck an endoscope down my throat, through my stomach and into my intestines, put a needle into my pancreas and got a few cells from the tumor. I was sedated, but my wife, who was there, told me that when they viewed the cells under a microscope the doctors started crying because it turned out to be a very rare form of pancreatic cancer that is curable with surgery. I had the surgery and I'm fine now.

This was the closest I've been to facing death, and I hope its the closest I get for a few more decades. Having lived through it, I can now say this to you with a bit more certainty than when death was a useful but purely intellectual concept:

No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don't want to die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because Death is very likely the single best invention of Life. It is Life's change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new. Right now the new is you, but someday not too long from now, you will gradually become the old and be cleared away. Sorry to be so dramatic, but it is quite true.

Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of other's opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.

When I was young, there was an amazing publication called The Whole Earth Catalog, which was one of the bibles of my generation. It was created by a fellow named Stewart Brand not far from here in Menlo Park, and he brought it to life with his poetic touch. This was in the late 1960's, before personal computers and desktop publishing, so it was all made with typewriters, scissors, and polaroid cameras. It was sort of like Google in paperback form, 35 years before Google came along: it was idealistic, and overflowing with neat tools and great notions.

Stewart and his team put out several issues of The Whole Earth Catalog, and then when it had run its course, they put out a final issue. It was the mid-1970s, and I was your age. On the back cover of their final issue was a photograph of an early morning country road, the kind you might find yourself hitchhiking on if you were so adventurous. Beneath it were the words: "Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish." It was their farewell message as they signed off. Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish. And I have always wished that for myself. And now, as you graduate to begin anew, I wish that for you.

Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish.

Thank you all very much.

the great fedex adventure

feeling a bit out of sorts today
that's what happens when you sleep at 5am
things don't feel quite right and i feel tired too early

so today was the great fedex adventure
came home yesterday to see a fedex tag on my door
they delivered a package and i wasn't home so now i have to collect it from their centre

usually it's not a problem
in singapore i can just take direct bus to the post office 15 min away
or i can even walk to a nearer branch
over here the post office is just 5 min drive away

then i read the tag a little more closely
fedex is not at the post office
the centre is like in another county!

tamade.
i get scared driving in unfamiliar territory
so many things can happen
my car is not steady, my driving not steady, and getting lost is not appealing
somemore i don't have a map of the other county
if i miss the turn means habis

i was contemplating all my options
ask someone to drive me there, skip work on monday to wait for 2nd delivery
but in the end i kicked my chicken butt into action
jump into the sea and learn to swim

of course i did thorough preparations before jumping
found all the driving directions online
borrowed a map of the other county from friends
i look at all the highways i'll be driving in (where cars go at 100 km/hr on average, you can't go too slow or you'll block the way) and i sian liao

and so began the great fedex adventure

i barely turned out of the parking lot and the "check engine" light came on
blardy hell.
i took the risk anyway.

along the way i actually dumped the driving directions and followed my intuition and the signboards
my heart beat a bit faster cos it means i don't really know where i am
but after a while i sort of have an idea

in the end it wasn't too hard to find
(though it really is in the middle of nowhere)
the first time driving in unfamiliar territory is always nerve wrecking
it's only after that when i know how to get there that it feels much better

and i always feel truimphant after adventures like this
kekeke
girls can read maps after all hokay?
(and girls can also swear a lot while driving. "engine light. f**k!" "miss the turn. shit!")
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i'm all set for my trip :)
i think part of my restlessness is due to the anticipation.
or maybe constipation.

Much Ado About Nothing

Hurricane didn't really do anything here
we didn't even get the heavy rainstorms the weatherpple kept predicting for the whole week
i'm gonna send my milk and bread to the weatherman
oh well
prepare for the worst, hope for the best
so i should be thankful i guess

no wonder the chinese restaurant folks say the "yang rens" always "da jing xiao guai"

after hurricane dennis now there's Tropical Storm Emily coming
i wonder how they come up with these names
and why singapore doesn't follow since they follow almost everything american
imagine Thundershowers Muthu and Monsoon Ah Seng hitting the shores
----------------------------------

So Drama

so there's big news in singapore now huh
about high salaries and vandalised walls
haha
it's kind of funny in a way

how come there's so much rage one (culminating in vandalism)
it's like the pressured bottle suddenly popping open
like a large snowball rolling downhill gathering size and momentum
and everyone jumping on the bandwagon

also looks like the public needed to channel this bottled up frustration on a target and here comes one convenient one

read some other interesting articles
about the high salaries of other very important people
who's keeping checks on that?

I find the following paragraphs enlightening:

"Any officer of the state is a public servant and this was a once noble and honourable calling. In the civilised world, persons assume this office because they want personally to contribute to the well being of the country. Self sacrifice and altruism are essential hallmarks for a public office holder... "

"No matter how you look at it, the fact remains that (they) are moneyfaced, and these are supposed to be...leaders, with value systems that Singaporeans should follow."

so you know, the next time they preach about bond breakers needing to have moral integrity.....

this part is funny, bearing in mind that the writer is a foreigner not well versed in our politics:

"But I am told that Singapore is a democracy with elected leaders! So I have to assume that Singapore must have a very unique "voting public" which is able to silently and willingly take all this in their stride."

Read the articles here.
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This is the first time i've seen MTVs on MTV channel.
and it's 3 am in the morning.
so that's when they show MTV.

some are pretty good too
like foo fighters, coldplay, gorrillaz (something like that, the one with the Blur guy)

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it's getting very hectic at work
a lot of things to prepare for the upcoming trip
i spent the the whole of thursday typing up documents on the PC
god it was tiring
how do office pple do it man?
at the end of the day my eyes were tired, my body is sore from sitting so long, and i'm just surprised by how tired i was at the end of the day given that i hardly moved.

Master Archer kept looking at what i was doing
i think he is getting paranoid

and he sort of assumed that when i'm at my desk i'm not doing anything
so he kept ribbing and ribbing until i got tired of it and finally replied
along the lines of i've learnt the art of not doing anything by hanging around him for too long

he finally left me alone
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the last few weeks i was working on a problem
then i realised to my dismay that the hole i was digging was getting deeper and deeper
looking like a bottomless pit too
so i had to spend the last few days patching up the hole
from bystander's view it was probably quite funny
FJ was telling W that "she may be small in size but she sure stirs up a lot of dust"

i'm chuckling cos on one hand it looks quite dumb
like i'm making a lot of noise and then retreating
but i'm not too embarassed cos my conscience is clear
i did what i could to fight my case and for the guys and the products
but we ran out of time i guess
------------------

J got on my nerves the last week too
there is a very unhealthy culture of finger pointing
i don't really care who tore the thing up, especially when it is accidental
the impt thing is how it happened so we can fix it

so J started accusing me of messing the program up
like WTF, he was the one using the program when it tore up
and he came and asked me to have a look at it
i thought i was being kind by not putting any blame on him!!

many of these accusations are not menacing
just a lot of griping
at first i thought it's just teasing so i let it pass
but i'm getting tired of it
since when they keep talking pple start believing in untruths
and when you don't defend yourself it's like an admission of guilt
gosh, all this wasted energy
----------------------------------------------------

been helping out at the chinese restaurant after work this week
it's actually relaxing since it's very different from work

and it's quite nice to have a place to hang out
roam freely about in the kitchen and doing whatever i want

i realise that their business is actually quite good
so no need for my richard branson-inspired publicity antics
they are nice, the food is good, business will come.
it's just a matter of time i guess.

my first impression of the lady boss was that she is quite fierce and a bit tai tiai
while the hubby is more mild
but she turned out to be very nice and hardworking
and the hubby is still nice but he's definitely the one wearing the pants in the family
---------------------------------

time to sleep.

Hurricane Dennis Twists to Town

for the past few days, 80% of news has been on Dennis.
very unlike News 5 at nine yes, where they flash the weather news for 2 seconds with some cheesy music and they dun even bother to read the forecast cos who cares anyway?

anyway, this afternoon Dennis hit the States.
this evening we (as in this town) will feel the effect of Dennis. So far it doesn't seem too serious for us. We'll get thunderstorms for the whole of next week, which means power failures might occur. the worst case scenario is if tornados break out.

i'm not even thinking of the tornado case yet. i'm thinking power failure how.

so at first i was still quite bo chap. then on telly they kept harping on it until it sounds like quite serious. and they keep saying go buy bread and water etc etc.

i just went to get some supplies. i hope the power stays on man. i dun really relish the thought of sitting on the sofa with a miserable pen size torchlight eating wholewheat bread and drinking purified bottled water for one week.

good thing the chinese restaurant folks said they run on gas and not electric stove. so they can still cook without power. or i can join them for steamboat in their apartment. i told them if anything happens they can come my apt and eat bread with me too.

i thought business would not be good today since everyone should be hiding at home but it was pretty brisk. and fun as usual. they told me stories of how a tornado swept tennesse when they were there and power and roads were out for a week. they played mahjong everyday by the candlelight and ate at the only chinese restaurant with power in the whole city.

customers told me of how when they lived in florida, whenever warnings came on, every shop from grocery to restaurants will have no supplies left. the grocery shop i just went to was pretty packed, but supplies were still there.

it does sound pretty scary. and all those serious newcasters with their urgent "this is very serious" tones just add to the panic.

we're under strong winds advisory now. Keep patio furniture and plants and trash cans if you don't want to see them flying up the mountain. expect trees and power lines to be flat.

shit do i still go to work tmrw?
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through all these overhype tensed excitement i do appreciate how the united states weather system is so organised. they spotted the hurricane way before time and issued evacuation orders way before time. so there is no big surprise resulting in big disastrous loss of lives. and almost every half hour there are updates on where the hurricane is moving towards and where the danger spots are and what it means to your area.

everything that is within human control is under control.

kudos. hats off. thumbs up.
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The Start of a Juggling CLub?

was in a good mood on friday and went out to juggle.
it was one of those inspired sessions. felt very comfortable and got a grasp on some new tricks.

near the end while i was packing up, a man and his son and dog came by.
i offered to teach him to juggle and he said he'll come by the next time he sees me juggling.

one of the questions he asked me was "do you do this for a living?"
which is probably the highest compliment for a amatuer/hobbyist i guess. :)

i saw a documentary with a segment on Cirque Du Soleil's Las Vegas show "O". i tell you Cirque is the pinnacle of pinnacle. they look so friggin awesome it's out of the world. the show is mainly water based, so they built an indoor pool covering more than half the stage. The ceiling is a false open ceiling to release the humidity and the audience side is kept cool while the stage side is kept warm for the wet performers. the show is rightly billed as one of the engineering marvels of Las Vegas and the publicist was like "To me, the things that the performers do everyday are the real marvels of the show". Well said.
-------------------------------------------------------------------

Teletubby Heading to Singapore

Last week was a turbulent week.
Got some very bad news.
mom was trying to break the news gently during the weekend but little did she know that i have friends who read the weirdest sections of the newspapers.

there will be some definite changes in the family.
mom's already making plans on my salary and letting me know is like an afterthought. gee thanks. :p

i guess the best news this week
is that unless something drastic happens
Teletubby is heading to singapore in august. :)

**the following post was written while i was still recovering from nausea.**

Blardy Shit

just went to the rocket centre.
took a ride where the room spun so fast we're pinned to the walls at the force of dunno how many Gs. the floor then dropped off while the fats in my cheeks magnetized to the wall.

it was pretty fun, but it gave me nausea that i wasn't able to shake off for the rest of the day.
it didn't help that i was feeling weak with hunger too. and i chewed gum, which never fails to make me bloat with air (euphemism for fart-a-lot).

so i got out of that ride, and stumbled my way to a scarier ride. Given that i was still recovering from my spinning brain juice, i was quite prepared not to do any more rides. I was perfectly contented to just stand there and watch silly pple scream their ass off.

*pish!* the ride shot up to the moon.
no one screamed.
i was extremely surprised. maybe the ride wasn't as scary as my common sense warned me. besides most of the pple in the ride were children. if they can take it so can i.

without giving my cowardy side a chance to speak i headed straight in (there wasn't much of a queue). As i buckled up the 12 year old girl in the next seat turned to me:

"is this the first time you're riding this?"
"yaah"
"this is my 25th ride."
"is it scary?"
"the first time yes, but you'll get used to it. at the peak you'll lift off your seat, but it's not too bad. on the way down it's horrible, screaming should make you feel better."
"now i'm scared."
"it's really ok"

*pish!*

"holy fuck!"
(i would have screamed that, but my face was too scrunched up)

12 year old turned to me while we're somewhere in the clouds:

"you're not screaming."
"mmmfmfmfmfm" (hard to speak with lips and eyes shut tight)
"are you ok?????"
"it's slowing down....now i'm ok....woooh" when what i really meant was "girl you got balls of steel!"

as i unbuckled myself and stumbled out of the seat, dizziness mulitiplied and hands shaking, 12 year old and her friend was already in the line for the next ride.

"26th time!"
"you go girl!" i gave her a quivering thumbs up.

children.
when will they stop making adults look bad.

i stumbled back into the musuem and before i knew it i was in the line for the simulator ride.
it's one of those singaporean-get-your-money's-worth syndrom.
i wasn't gonna go back so i wanted to check out what's in the mysterious simulator.

before the ride even started i knew it wasn't the best idea.
it was a good thing the ride wasn't particularly rough so i didn't puke all over the little container 16 of us were sardined in.

i was so hungry and nauseas by then i had to grab something to eat.
what do you eat at the rocket centre?
astronaut ice cream.
Freeze-Dried Ready-to-Eat Neapolitan Ice Cream.
it tasted a bit like xiao man tou.
very expensive, xiao man tou.

---------------------------------------------------

the rocket centre is the main attraction of this place
and i waited for 8 months for the perfect day to go.
winter is too cold, spring got too many school tours there etc etc
i was waiting for the perfect time where there will be no crowd and i can take my very own private tour

visiting engineers who went there said there's hardly any pple there
and locals have been telling me no one goes there except tourists and honestly how many tourists would actually come to this town?

so i decided today was the perfect day
it's summer hols so there will be no school trips. hopefully it's summer so it's too hot for most pple to venture out. and anyway i'm going home soon and at the rate i'm procastinating i may never visit the rocket centre.

i drove there and saw a packed parking lot.
blardy shit.
and then i connected with what's on the news these few days.
a hurricane is headed towards the south of US and there is manadatory evacuation.
so everyone from down under is moving up. all the hotel rooms in town are fully booked.

i waited 8 months for the perfect day.
and the perfect day turned out to be the day with hurricanes and busloads of tourists.

it's not just loser.
it's 3-D loser.

---------------------------------------------

it's not all that bad.
really.
i would have liked it to be quieter, but it really wasn't that crowded.
for one i was most afraid of the queues for the rides. but there was hardly a queue. maybe most pple did not venture in far enough to find the rides. or maybe it was too hot and they didn't want to venture outdoors. or maybe they were misled in thinking there was nothing there or just kiddy rides. or maybe they knew better than to sit in rides that give headaches so bad you get desperate enough to eat astronaut ice-cream.

as with anything that you anticipate 8 months for, the centre wasn't as exciting as i thought it would be. at first i was thinking "god how can anyone make something as fascinating as space so boring?" i think the Singapore Science Centre is more interesting.

but as it went on i grew more into it and it's really not that bad. and to be fair maybe i'm just not so interested in big machine and engine models.

i'm still totally absolutely in awe of space and the astro/cosmo/taiko/juggle?-nauts. and i feel somewhat sad abt those nauts who lost their lifes. they just seem so smart you know?quite wasted to have smart pple blast to pieces. (that's the nausea talking)

Do i recommend the rocket centre? yes. just don't get the membership pass, but it's worth a visit. and if you sit next to a 12 year old on her 278th ride, say hi for me.

------------------------------------------------

The Boom Gloom Moom Sherbang

i got very distracted this week
so didn't pia so hard at work
paced myself a bit more
it can get boring when there's nothing to do, or it can be relaxing

note that i didn't slack, i just didn't pia

i realised that one can (and i actually do suspect one) get by day to day without really doing much
if you find things to do, there is a lot you can do
it's just how much you want to do

AY said something interesting this week
he told me very solemnly that i need to assert myself more or i'll get walked over or pushed to the side
he was genuinely concerned which made it seem funnier, it's like one of those "my girlfriend's jealous of everyone i talk to but she's ok when i talk to you" comments you know? things that on hindsight you think "actually that sounds quite insulting ah"

anyway
i told AY he'd be surprise how well the soft approach works sometimes
he said "the soft approach will never get you far, like into management"

i found that interesting.

Firstly, where did the implicit assumption that i wanted to get into management come from? on a related note, notice how "far" as in progress is synonomous with "management" as in promotion.

2) if going into management requires something that is not in my personality, then perhaps management is not for me? and perhaps i need to be in a field where i am rewarded for progress not related to how high i go up the hierachy?

i find it uneasy how we so lazily and conveniently associate progress with promotion. in the bereaucratic sense, progress is rising up the hierachy. but as an individual, unless something up there interests you, then blindly following that path just leads you to boom gloom moom sherbang.

At 18 i panicked cos i didn't know what i wanted to do (and in singapore you don't actually get the opportunity or time to find out). After i graduated i panicked cos i didn't know what i wanted to do. Today i'm still quite unsure what i want to do. Maybe 30 years later i still dun know.
but one philosophy never fails me. "follow your interest-let it be your compass".

i forgot which book that came from. sekali it's from a rap song.
my interest is slowly taking more visibly solid shape, i think. Wonder where it will take me.

so this week has been a good week, work-wise.
i paced myself more, everything was kept in order, and i had the time and freedom to conduct my own experiments and solve team problems with the team. i love it when i can dig deep into problems and find some headway.

AY was telling me abt a fresh grad he was interviewing and "man, she has a mouth". she was telling him that she's out to prove herself and blah blah. (that's where he started plodding me to have more of a mouth.)

The curse of bereaucracy is that sometimes there are too many mouths and too little action. that's why there are delays, cos sometimes pple dun really know what's happening and they can get away with it.

too much action no mouth also cannot.
too many mouths too little action also cannot.
there must be a proportion in the organization.
but as a person if i have to choose one over the other, i'll take knowledge over mouth.

-----------------------------------------------

i mentioned before that i aspire to have the diligent ways of RB, the analytical ways of RG, the networking skills of W and the heart and team spirit of CC. W's skills is probably my hardest one to attain. but i'm beginning to think CC's quality is the precious one, where in his own words, "it's all about keeping intact the integrity of the product". with the right mindset and attitude, everything else falls in place.

------------------------------------------------

Here's a lesson in counting chickens before they hatch.

yesterday i was with CC and FJ trying to solve a problem. FJ managed to get the program to work and we started a congratulatory party by praising each other. Both of them said stuff that meant more to me than they realised.

FJ (whom's a nice guy and very responsible. good person to work with) said that "you've really grown since you got here and this training has been good for you cos...you're good!"

i told CC how he stressed me out so much when i first got to know him. He kept saying "you're the engineer! you're supposed to know!" gosh i hated that line cos it made me feel so inadequate. Part of the painful process of learning the ropes.

he's much nicer now by the way.

anyway CC said "we've been working here years and years and suddenly comes a girl who just came out of school and she knows everything*!"

that surprised me since he was the one who kept going "you're the engineer! you're supposed to know!"

anyway, just writing those lines down cos, like i said, they meant more to me than i think FJ and CC realised. or maybe i'm just blowing my own trumpet on my own blog in a 3D loser way.

and then of course after all the hi fives, the program stopped working. We became solemn again. it was quite funny.

"i guess next time we should wait a bit longer before getting so happy"

*i dun know everything. I hope to and i'll try, but i dun.
------------------------------------------------------------------------

God Bless the Broken Road, That Led Me Straight to You

that's a song lyric
i like it

went to F's house again on sat
took a cold pill and was slightly drowsy and subdued
F tried to show me a gravel road, but seems like the county paved all them roads nicely

we did pass by the Cold Hole
where water came from underground so it's perenially cold at abt 5 celsius
it looks pretty nice
with cliffs and clear water
like a mini paradise

then we passed a ranger tower
just a tall tower structure looking over 4 counties
for the rangers to spot forest fires
we climbed all the way to the top for the heck of it

maybe one day i'll post the photos
maybe not.
----------------------------------------------------

went to the chinese restaurant again today
came back with bags of food
i think i ate there more than i helped do anything

they were really cool though
helped keep my mind off things a bit
spent the whole afternoon there
just talking
about their lives
about the hardships they have to go through
abt their very ngiao relatives with tamade good luck

some customers were very nice and friendly and funny
moments like that makes it worthwhile to open a shop i think

they are a good couple
i hope things work out for them
i know it will, in some way or other
it's the law of karma
--------------------------------------------

J and W heard abt me helping out for free
i told them technically it's not free since i eat there and they hardly charge me
J says he would buy me a bag of apples if i clean his house

dropped by the library on sat
spent 20 minutes there and came back with 6 self help books
5 actually, 1 is richard branson's autobiography
i can foresee a wave of inspiration coming soon

trying to think of a way to promote the chinese restaurant
their food is better than every other ones i'ver tried
they are a good couple
and they are having a promotion now so the price is inexpensive
the only thing lacking is publicity, since their shop is quite obscure

the ingredients for success are all there, except publicity
which in my opinion is the easiest ingredient
but how man.
advertising is out of the question.
i need something inexpensive. and legal preferably.
paint my car? juggle along the road with a signboard?
not keen on those lei.
i might make a signboard, put on the car and park it near the main road.
hmm. there must be many more ways.
think. think.

J thinks i'm insane to work for free.
despite me saying repeatedly that i'm helping cos they are friends
and anyway the amount i eat probably evens out the wages
but most importantly, it is fun.

i hope i can do something to improve their business
because they are friends
and most importantly, it is fun.

i was full of ideas a while back
which i hope i can sustain the fire to set in motion when i go home
i have a new routine
i want to have a recital
it can happen

i just need the stamina
but i am tired now.
--------------------------------------------

i am distracted.
i am a bit floaty.
like things are not quite real, and i'm living in my mental world.
it is not always a bad feeling.

tried a new chinese dish.
tasted like popiah, the unfried version.
very good, to say the least.

had a juggling session.
not the best, but not bad.
i dropped my muvo2 player
the once spotless face now has numerous scratches
first reaction was shithead
but on 2nd thought the scratches give it more character

i am tired.
i am going to head back to my books again
and get my 3rd cup of tea.

god bless the broken road,
that led me straight to you

The Motion of Life

I moved bales of hay yesterday
and then watched the stars
it was like looking into infinity

we are small
we are nothing

life moves on
it seems to me there are 2 worlds out there
2 timelines
the one i'm in, and the one in singapore
some things stay the same
some things don't. most things don't.
friends are starting new careers, friends are doing stuff, people are dying.
i am starting a new career, i am doing stuff, i am dying.

birth, aging, sickness, death.
that is the first noble truth.

~~
i am not dying. not in the normal sense anyway.
and i am not seeking consolation.
~~

Bite Sized Tidbits

Quotes from Sim Wong Hoo:

"(in 1988, when he set up Creative, he had no capital and not even a core technology. He just had) one life with nothing to lose."

"There was no U-turn. I leveraged on dedicated, hardworking and conscientious staff. Do not commit to more than one thing. If you are committed to your dream, that's one thing; others have to wait."

"Don't follow rules set by others. Set your own rules and you are in control."
(For example in Sound Blaster, the soundcard enabling personal computers to play music, Creative determined the standards for others to follow.)

Another tip: Set road blocks so others cannot copy you. The easiest road block is to file a patent but that costs up to $100,000. To succeed, he leveraged on the most iconic trait of Singapore: kiasu-ism. The company tested the product repeatedly to make sure it works with all kinds of computers, motherboards and games, he said.

~~
by the way, i adore my Creative 5GB MuVo2.
~~
-----------------------------------------------------------

NUS Students Need to Speak Up

just read a letter to the forum abt this.
too lazy to dig out the url again.
letter was from an arts and socie undergrad.
he should join some philo classes.
still have very fond memories of metaphysics class with dr de cruz.
so engaging, so mind boggling, so frustrating until it becomes amusing.

the tutorial room was more like a cosy private library
with sofas and shelves of books
the class was never short of vocal pple
in fact we always ran short of time
and then i'd spend break sitting in YIH still debating with myself in my head
some theories were seemingly ridiculous
but frustratingly hard to refute
and like a tai chi master the prof would keep deflecting your arguments back to you
while you think so hard you go "urgh!" and bang your head against the floor.
so fun

engineering classes were usually deathly silent
which is understandable cos no one did tutorials
it's very hard to bullshit without doing the math
and without really knowing what's going on
(it's amazing how the semester can go by in a complete blur
then during the one week exam study break suddenly it made a lot more sense)

C programming with the "ex-RJC" tutor was fun
Most of the bio-engine electives were fun
probably cos i was actually interested in what's going on
and the classes were smaller and cosier

hmm, now that i think abt it
based on personal experience
the classes i spoke up in were the ones i knew what was happening and i was engaged in
maybe that's the key to making students speak up
how to get there is probably the toughest part though

i'm reminded of Prof YC Lim
probably the best lecturer i will ever have
i wasn't particularly interested in his class at first
it was a pre-requisite class for another class

he made a tough topic so digestable
kudos to him
where usually most engine lecturers would rattle on while everyone doodled on the notepad
Prof lim kept stopping to make sure everyone followed him
and he would'nt go on until everyone understood
it's quite funny watching him
"questions? any questions? sure no questions? everyone understands? are you sure? no questions? you there you look blur what's the problem?"
and even if you ask something he just mentioned 2 seconds ago he would still patiently go over the whole thing
he was very grand
i still think that class was hard and not my area of interest
thanks goodness he was the lecturer
i think he's teaching in NTU now

of course his model of teaching
where he keeps stopping
means that he won't have enough time to finish the syllabus
but he sets the syllabus and he sets the exam so it's not a problem
it was more important to him that we understood in terms of quality instead of quantity
that's a very enlightening approach to teaching i think
for teachers in JC and sec school they have to finish all the syllabus so it's tough to do that
oh well
i guess that's why there're calls for MOE to reduce syllabus

------------------------------------------------------

Reading up on clown colleges.
i think clowns are quite scary looking.
clown college sounds interesting though.

found one where admission is by audition only
and there's no real school fees
but graduates will be bonded to the circus for a few years
and they'll need to live on a train with the troop for 11 months.

so cool. :)