All About Hell

yes i spent the weekend reading all about hell.
more on that later.

Just found out that TM@Hope is in Division A as well!
The Division contest will be such a blast.
Of the 5 (or 6, depending on whether the Tamil club sends someone) area representatives,
3 of them are from my "home clubs".

I know half of the contestants personally and i love them too!

it'll be such a great friendly contest.
i'm thrilled.
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The intangible thing that TM has taught me,
is how to be friendly with strangers.
At every meeting there will be guests,
and you kind of sense their discomfort being in a strange environment where they know no one,
and it's the TM culture to go say hi.

the small talk isn't that uncomfortable,
it's always a gd ice breaker asking them why they want to come, how they found us,
and just to get to know more abt random pple.

I've also seen how encouragement can really bring someone up.
Sherry and Karen have grown tremendously.
they're having so much fun evaluating and i'm just at the side egging them on occasionally
(i take no credit for their enthusiasm, i'm just a cameo character answering what they ask)
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Went to Sengkang TMC on sat.
there were 7 speakers in all,
and at least 4 of them talked abt "giving back to society".

What a lovely club.

the VPE is this quirky lady,
i love her speeches,
she's just really really quirky in a very funny unique way.
I Luuurve it.

Even better still is the impromptu speech by the SAA,
a self professed Hokkein uncle beng, (he said so himself)
of which Sherry had the misfortune of evaluating.

"I asked him what his speech title is," Sherry told me exasperatedly, "and he said 'LC'! Aiyoh so vulgar!"
"What's LC?" i asked innocently.
"LC la..." and she mouthed something that rhymes with NanQiao.
"hahahahahaaah," i burst out laughing, "Say it in your evaluation! you'll never get invited back again! And evaluate him in Hokkein!"
"how to say eye contact? mak kiu mak kiu hor ah"

Mr LC was very funny too by the way,
perfectly complemented by the effervescent Sherry.

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Spanish F1 Fiesta

Met the girls at Weips' house.

"Hey Yvo," Weips' dad suddenly called me,"I'm gonna do your favourite trick."
"What's that uncle?"
"I'm going to suddenly disappear," he replied and walked out the living room.

We sat stunned for a while before K went "I think you just got zinged by the Dad!"
"How many gatherings DID i miss? Do you girls meet every month or something?"

It was a rather cosy gathering,
and surprisingly very comfortable given that i haven't seen some of them for ages.

Aud's going to Rome for a month long holiday.
"I'll be staying with my friend over there," she told us.
"Oh, where does your friend stay?" K asked.
"In London"
"erm....that's a bit far isn't it" K said as she popped another cork into a wine bottle.

"K that's the 2nd cork you popped in. is that why you brought so many bottles of wine?"
"hmm," K gave an intense look as she sipped the wine she just opened, "this tastes..erm..corky"

The finale of the night wasn't F1 but the making of chocolate fondue.
Or maybe it's the Malachamb dance video K was so pleased with,
and the "what kind of strippers do you want for your birthday" discussion.

Anyhow,
yes choco fondue.

K and Aud chatted outside while the rest of us tried our hands at melting choco chips.
half hour of struggling with chocolate cement later,
Aud finally walked in and revealed that she's a Food and Nutrition student and can we please melt the chips by using the stove instead of boiling water.

"I think the chocolate has gotten pass optimum point," weips added.
"what optimum point???"
"it's beyond melted. it's drying! i think i'll add water"
"Oh no pls add milk, not water," Aud quickly said.
"Aud must be thinking we're really idiots" Lu helpfully added.

The melted chocolate tasted a lot better than it looked.
Yum.

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Back to Hell.

Brian Mclaren's story is a trilogy can you imagine.
So i'm on to the next book.
Not as mindblowing as the first one i read,
but not bad.

And the whole book is about hell.
all the different theories of it.

I love Brian's point of view,
at least the possibilities he is advocating.
Completely resonates with my sentiments.

Which cannot be aired freely because pple always look at me like i'm a complete doctrine idiot when i try to probe them further into it.
(not that i care being look upon as a doctrine idiot, but a conversation with that frame point goes nowhere)

If I may quote from the book to adequately and clearly express my point of reference:

"This book is dedicated to all pple who love these pple (with questions), listen to their questions in gentleness and respect, and want to help them find honest answers they can live with. It will let them know that they are not wrong or alone in asking their questions, and it may help them find a place where they can in good faith have faith."

"we often seek clarity at the expense of the truth: we would rather have something simple and clear than continue to search beyond convention for a truth that won't resolve to a neat formula."

"Learning isn't a consequence of teaching or listening, it is a consequence of thinking"

"Scripture, Logic, Tradition, Heart Beliefs. What if they don't reconcile? Just say I don't know"

"To believe in God is to believe in the salvation of the world. the paradox of our time is that those who believe in God do not believe in the salvation of the world, and those who believe in the future of the world do not believe in God.....God seeks among us sons and daughters who resemble him enough, who love the world enough so that he could send them into the world to save it."

To save the world, the "salvation" here,
in following the theme of the book,
is not the conventional "believe me or go to hell".

It's abt the injustice of the world,
it's abt returning the world to the place of love and selflessness that it was meant to be.

I shall try my hands at a parable.
in the window we see a tree.
and we hear sounds that come from somewhere outside the window frame.
it sounds like birds or bees or maybe aliens for all we know,
because we can't see it.
But God has placed all these things there.
And then we start to squabble abt what that sound is.
And because no one really knows,
we all pick a fixed stubborn position and insist we're right.

And while we argue abt it,
the tree withers away.

I think all God really wants us to do is to take care of the tree.
the sound could be from a bird,
as an encouragement from God that once the tree blossoms, the birds will come.

The point is,
let's focus on what we see now,
instead of dwelling on things we can't see.
which is not to say we don't believe or disregard those things,
but we use them as encouragement for this life,
and not as points of disputes or contention.

Good christians go to heaven and bad non-christians probably won't,
and all those in between,
i don't know.
(even though yes, in my mind i know what the model answer is)

And i reckon God's reply to me if i ask will be, "You don't need to know".

Interestingly,
the book points out that the way some Christians use the concept of hell to "scare" pple into believing christ is somewhat the method of the Pharisees in the bible who use hell to "scare" and judge the sinners of their time, an approach that Jesus completely objected.
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So what is hell to me?
it has never bothered me,
but interesting question.

If i have a concept of heaven,
then i should have one for hell.

Perhaps,
just like heaven,
hell is not so much a place than a state of being.

If heaven is a place of love,
then hell is a place with no love.
(which ties in the fact that God is love. so hell has no love, because hell has no God)

Imagine a place of pure isolation,
where everyone is selfish and self absorbed,
where no one really cares.
where everyone's in a neverending competition to be better.

And being there forever.
That's a pretty scary place.

Just as there can be heaven on earth,
i guess there can also be hell on earth.

And again isn't it interesting,
that same question again,
if you take it that what you pursue on earth is what you get in the afterlife,
then would you still pursue a life of riches and materialism,
or would you pursue a life of love?

which kind of life would you want to live in forever?

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before any horrified pple from church haul me in for extra shepherding to trim the liberalism,
i offer another quote from Elizabeth Gilbert, author of eat love pray.

"I'm sure what i'm pushing for,
this idea of essentially a fairy sprinkling fairy juice on our creative works,
doesn't sit down well with a group of scientists like yourselves.
But my question really is,
why not?
why not think abt it this way?
If it can save our most creative pple from falling into depression and suicide,
then why not?"

Sophie's World

i'm dead tired so it's not a good time to blog.
but i'm so excited abt this book i'm reading i have to write before the thought bubbles burst.

for the past several months i've been following urges to pop by the library.
i'll go in and not know what to borrow or even what to look for.
And then i'll scan down the shelves and take any book that catches my eye and quick browse.

and most of these books have turned out to be gems.
the Mother Teresa ones and Paul by Charles Swindholl were some memorable ones.

and now,
there is "the story we find ourselves in" by Brian Mclaren.

I feel like Sophie in Sophie's world,
every page thrilled me and blew my mind away.

The author is a pastor and hobby philosopher,
so his take on the bible is somewhat unconventional,
even though the principles remain the same.
(He was named Time's top 25 evangelists in the world or something like that)

I don't think he meant for these views to be THE way,
it's rather a question of "have you ever considered it in this way?"

it's amazing,
like he opened another window for the readers to peer through,
to gain a perspective which may not be obvious before.

i thoroughly enjoyed the book.
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The Concept of Heaven

One of the first questions i asked ex-shepherd was what is heaven to her.
she told me much later that it was something that set her pondering.
I forgot whether she answered me eventually,
but i've always thought of heaven as a physical place.
where everyone is good and where God is and so forth,
but a physical place.
not that i actually take that literally,
but it was a convenient idea, that it was a place.

The book challenged that view.

what if heaven was a place like this.
where at the end of our lives,
we find ourselves in front of God.
and every single second of your entire life, every single thought, every single action,
was flashed right before you.

And you see all the ugly things you've done.
and you feel the shame, the guilt, the embarassment, the horror of what you've done.
and you feel so sorry you've done all that.

And then in part II you get to see all the love you've given.
the poor you've helped, the pple you've helped, the strangers you've helped,
everything you've done to put a smile on the face of God and heaven's angels.

And then God says,
you know what, everything in Part I, the ugly stuff, have been nailed on the cross.
All is forgiven, and all is forgotten.

And all that's left of you are the good parts.
only the love, only the care, only the best parts of you remain.

And that's heaven.
where only the best parts of everyone, and God, remain.

And what abt those who persist in sinning while on earth?

I don't think God will take the whip out and give a thunderous roar in anger.
i think it's worse than that.
i think He will be greatly saddened.

I think He might say,
in a gentle and sad tone,
that after taking away all the ugly stuff,
there just isn't enough good stuff left of you to be in heaven.

would you even enjoy being in heaven given that you've been rejecting the way of life of heaven for almost all of your life?
would you even enjoy being in a place of selflessness, a place of love, a place where everyone is connected,
given that on earth these weren't the things you pursued?

I think He will be sad,
that all the opportunities, and all the time, has been wasted.
that despite all his gentle nudging, you didn't turn.

that you could have been a character in his story of love,
but we chose to become God and turn the story into a mess.

I can only imagine the sadness in His eyes,
as he looks as us and ask,
"what have you done?"

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The Revolution

We've always considered Jesus God, and son of God and all the terminology.
Here's one that's not used so often: master.

Jesus was the master of living life.
He was the teacher of what life is abt.

Among his lessons were mercy and compassion for all, the ways of non-violence, being selfless and being in a community.

Christians aren't pple who have merely "said the sinner's prayer",
they are pple who are commited to following the ways of the Teacher.

The book goes on to suggest that God created the world in a pretty non-definite way.
At every step we were free to choose,
it's a "choose you own adventure" kind of thing.
and every step you take kind of changes the world into a certain direction.

The world was created to be good.
but then we decided to be God and made a mess.
and as this world continue to evolve,
we either make decisions that puts a smile on the author's face or makes more mess out of the mess we're already in.

Christians are a community of pple committed to taking the world back to God's original intentions,
creating a heaven on earth.
a community where pple are connected and there's love and care,
with God as the source of our strength.
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I think i now know why the overheard conversation with
"I don't believe in God. I believe in myself" bugged me.

It wasn't so much the words than the pride in which it was said in.

And as i chatted with some cambodian teammates a few days after that,
i recall the christians i met in a village church the last time we were there.

they had such a hunger and simple love for God,
you could tell from how they sang and their attitudes.
and it's a pity there was no one to feed their hunger for more knowledge on the bible.

the contrast is so clear now.
God created Man in his image and we have such an amazing ability to create.
all our poems, our plays, our art, our technology, our cloning...our buildings.

But the smarter Man thinks he is,
the more he tries to play God.

And none more apparant than in the city.
the entire city is the epitome of a man made creation.
Cars..buildings...lights..technology...everything.

In the city, it is where you hear what i hear.
"I don't need God."

In the city,
it is where pple are most disconnected to each other.

In the city,
it is where the pple with the most empty hearts are.

Back in the village,
pple depend on God.
they have fields that depend on weather,
they have wells that depend on rain.

But in the village,
pple are connected with a kampung spirit.

And in the village,
for all that we city dwellers snob at their backwardness,
they are the ones who know more abt happiness than we will ever know.

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And so this is the story we find ourselves in....

Area Contest 2010

the funniest thing that's happening for the humorous speech contest this year for me,
is that i keep winning the contests while i'm feeling down.

it's like one of those side jokes thing between me and God.

it's been an interesting contest so far.
the humorous contest is one i've never had any expectations on,
in fact it's the one i feel is the most difficult and nervewrecking one (if pple don't laugh, the flop is so obvious),
and i wouldn't even have competed if not for EB's last minute call to get me to make up numbers.

The advanced club is new and so there are only 20 members now,
most of whom are veterans and help as judges in other clubs, so they can't compete.
So it's just down to the few of us,
and since i'm now working on the Humourous Speech manual,
i thought i'd just do it as a project.

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i still don't think my speech is that funny.
i've seen some speeches from last year's contest and some were downright hilarious,
mine can't stand up to those standards at all,
so i'm quite embarassed that i'm still progressing in the contest.

Drafting the speech for the club contest took some time,
especially when i'm not in funny mood,
although writing the speech did lighten up my mood somewhat.

after winning the club contest,
i left the speech aside and finally dug the draft out two days before the area contest.

i then sat through several kumar youtube videos trying to find inspiration,
many dirty (but funny!) jokes later which i can't use,
i was still stuck with my original script.

was gonna spend the night before rehearsing my speech,
but ended up playing bejewel on facebook till i fell asleep.
(to be fair, I wasn't feeling well so i was REALLY not up to rehearsing a funny speech)

So on the morning of the contest,
i couldn't procrastinate anymore and finally got down to rehearsing.

and i actually got bored rehearsing, haha.
i still remember rehearsing halfway and suddenly going "I'm Bored!"
i mean, how many times can you listen to a funny line and still think it's funny?

so it's back to playing bejewel until i'm not bored anymore.
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Division contest is happening next month.
the best news i've heard so far is that the Basic club won their area contest as well,
so i'll be meeting Peter in the Division contest.

i think it's fabulous,
that the club now has two reps at division level.

and somemore it's Peter,
the humble and funny one (and the club president),
who keeps calling me "boss" because he "is my biggest fan".

i'm happy for the club. :)

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some church ushers came by to watch,
courtesy of Reenz's jio-ing skills.
From as far as Simei to clementi,
they made their way down,
in time for the nasi bryani tea break.

Some of them are interested in joining too,
we're like machiam toastmasters evangelists,
so far two of my church friends have already signed up and another 2 more on the way.
(and DH too! my jugglng fren...)

Colin says we should start a toastmasters club for Hope ushers.
"Ushers do public speaking for what? then we stop everyone at the door and make them listen to us talk before letting them in...everybody jam at the door" we told him.

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Before my turn on stage came,
i prayed that the delivery of speech will go smoothly, that the audience will enjoy the speech, that I will enjoy the speech, and God himself will too.

those were the only things that matter,
and my prayer remains the same for the next contest. ;)

(i've always thought that God has a sense of humour by the way)

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One word on the evaluation contest (which..erm..i also won).
My, the test speaker was fabulous.
Masterclass, seriously.

His delivery was great,
sounded like a radio deejay on news channel 9.38,
and the speech was crafted geniusly.

After the contest someone told me the test speaker is a veteran,
and does training sessions for toastmasters.

Evaluators are in trouble whenever the test speaker is awesomely good (or bad),
because there is nothing bad (or good) to say abt the speech,
and evaluation has to have both to be balanced.

And that's where the mentors' advice start ringing.

"Every speech, no matter how professional the speaker is, will have its weaknesses. Surely, they'll be there. Look for it." CT the master evaluator himself once told us.

And the technique i used for the evaluation yesterday,
came from none other than Kris herself.

"Where did you get the AAA concept from?" EB asked me after the contest.
"oh, Kris was the one who taught me that. She read it from a book but i forgot the title of the book" i replied.
"Kris!", EB exclaimed in surprise, "wow not only is she a master storyteller, she knows evaluation as well! and it came in handy for you this time!"

the reason why i love this club,
and i've always shared this with any new member who's willing to listen,
is that this is a humble community club,
yet with many experienced toastmasters,
both in contests and leadership positions.

and the best part is that everyone is willing to share and teach what they know.
that is the spirit of the club.
i've benefitted from this nurturing environment,
and if they find me worthy i'd be honored to be one of the nurturers.

(oh dear, no wonder Peter added in his president's speech to all members that "you can ask your mentors any questions. but be careful with SK and Yvo. If you ask them one line they will reply you one page")

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this wraps the story of the area contest.
Division contest akan datang.

This Too Shall Pass

it's low tide at the moment.

a few years back i decided that i'll actually enjoy these periods of feeling down.
thanks to PMS these periods (pun not really intended) are quite predictable,
but once in a while i look at the calendar and realise shit i am feeling down, can't blame those hormones anymore.

it's interesting to observe myself being down.
when i was still very much into juggling i used to have great creative ideas during these moments,
i've poems and really cool stuff jotted down in my little juggling show note book,
i still find them pretty cool,
even though i don't have the raw depressing energy of that moment anymore.

those moments are captured in there, somewhere.
and some of it is still lingering.

all sorts of things i'm insecure abt or never really addressed, start surfacing,
so i can see what bugs me at the core of things.

So feeling down is good.
it's the moment the tides go down and we see the rocks that were always there but never surfaced.

i've finally gotten tired of reading the New T again and again and the old T is beckoning.

Today i overheard someone declare rather loudly, and proudly,
"i don't believe in God. I believe in depending on myself."

somehow that made me feel rather sad.
and it's not the hormones.

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this too shall pass.

and amidst this period of feeling down,
i still. have. the . humourous. speech. contest. on this week.

sigh.

The Nazi Steamboat
**Lu, if you're still reading my blog, i left a little postscript for you at the end of this entry before you get too pissed! :)

When you have the likes of steph, vera and angie together,
all blessed with loud characters and backed with steamboat expertise gathered through years of eating steamboat,
what you get is a Nazi steamboat experience.

"should we put soy sauce in the stock?" lao da bravely voiced out.
"WHO PUTS SOY SAUCE IN STEAMBOAT STOCK?" came a chorus of retort.

"let's dump all the raw food in," the Nazi leaders commanded.
"but..but..don't pple usually only cook what they want to eat" lao da protested again.
"NO, WAH YOU NEVER EAT STEAMBOAT ONE RIGHT" came a chorus of retort.

"psst," i whispered to lao da, "just eat quietly. we're with the nazis"

The only time we stopped hearing the loud nazi voices was when the KFC chicken got delivered and everyone got occupied eating chicken.

"so THAT'S how we silence them! KFC Chicken!"

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the story of another fun primary school gathering.
irene graciously opened her home to us.
we were supposed to be there at 6pm and then at 3, steph rings us up to go for beer at 5pm.

"BEER?? what time is it?" Jen asked.
"ya la, 5pm. what's wrong?"

so some of us gathered at Harry's at 5pm for beer.

"is it even open..." i asked as we tried to find where Harry's is.
"yes, i checked online, otherwise i wouldn't dare call all of you out" angie the one who-shaved-her-head-for-children's-cancer-foundation replied.

we decided to ignore irene's request to buy vegetables so we don't have to bring them into Harry's.
"even though i already agreed to buy," vera declared somewhat without remorse.

irene's baby boy is super super cute.
like seriously one of the cutest babies i've seen.
and such a happy boy too.

He was asleep before we came by,
and with the Nazi leaders around it wasn't long before he woke up from the noise.

We were so noisy,
that everytime someone called,
they thought we were at some busy street at the Central market.

Even the KFC guy over the phone asked Jen if we were having a big party.

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"psst, what's irene's hubby's name?" we whispered to each other.
"oh yea, ask her," jen says pointing to me, "she wrote the wrong name on the wedding ang bao."
"ya i wrote the groom father's name," i confessed sheepishly.
"WHAT" angie guffawed.
"and lagi best, lao da couldn't make it and asked me to help her drop the ang bao. So hers has the wrong name too"

lao da just looked at me and shook her head slowly.

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After dinner we cleaned up the place as steph washed the dishes and the baby used Jack's thigh as the Osim gallop equipment.

"The baby's really happy. and Jack's not even doing anything!"
"The baby has never sat on a thigh with so much meat before"
"Good let him tire himself out," Irene said, "then he'll sleep through the night"

"The dishes are finally done," Steph walked out of the kitchen.
"K now mop the floor" ZC and lao da told her.

"Eh ZC, Lao da, stay there i'll take a pic of both of you"
"you're gonna get him in trouble with his girlfriend"
"Let's put the baby in the centre and complete the picture!"

it was fun.

We made lao da teach us how to play saboteur,
and then promptly decided we needed a brainless game,
and played indian poker and the number guessing game,
with wine/beer drinking forfeits.

i slept like a baby yesterday. :)

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Told Jen abt the Plans going on as ZC drove us home.

"You are only just THINKING abt it right?"
"haha, well...not really just thinking."

"Just now ZC was telling us abt his sister right...if you don't do things when you're young, then when do you do it?"
"well..that's Japan lor...different country" Jen replied.
"And it's only for a year." ZC added.

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Met up with Mosey to catch up on Fri.
He has some grand plans that he "only shares with close friends" so i can't reveal them.

"OH no..why am i not talking abt balloons anymore..." he repeatedly said through the night, somewhat embarassed abt his new venture.

"No, hey. i think what you're doing is great. you're getting ME excited abt it."
"really?"
"yeah! next time i ask you for tips on this! one day you can combine your ballooning skills with this, and you'll get yourself a little niche."
"i'm glad i talked to you about this."

"you look like you're having a lot of fun."
"i am having a lot of fun"
"then that's the most important thing. gosh i'm excited for you!"

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**Lu! haha, yes yes am aware that very long never meet you girls liao. Promise to do so soon! the problem is everytime you all jio it sounds like some mega party then when i see your FB pics i realise it's a cosy gathering.

;)