I just won the club evaluation contest.

it's not that big a deal,
but it'll sure be interesting competing against the winners of other clubs.

what's more amazing to me now,
was the inspiration behind my winning evaluation.

what happens during the contest is that we have a test speaker,
who gives a speech on anything he/she wants for 5-7min.
and all the contestants (6 in my case) write a 3 min evaluation on that speech.

We prepare our evaluations during the speech,
and we have 5 min after the speech to finish drafting our evals.
then we all go up one by one to deliver.

so USUALLY there's only stuff to write when the speaker begins.
what's amazing was that while i was enjoying and observing the earlier contest on humourous speeches,
a random idea just hit me.

"talk abt laksa."

so i took out a piece of paper and wrote - "laksa".

"talk abt si ham also"

and on my notes i wrote - "si ham -> fish flavoured chewing gum"

and at that point i knew that regardless of what the test speaker is gonna do,
i'm gonna evaluate him based on laksa and si ham.

And guessed what?
the test speaker talked abt family,
and mentioned nasi lemak and chicken rice in his speech.

so it seemed like laksa was an idea i got from his speech,
but i already had it way before and it tied in nicely to what he was talking abt.

it's just pretty amazing.
i say it's God's little joke with me again,
but if you'd rather take Elizabeth Gilbert's concept of creative Genies using you as an instrument of expression,
then yea that really felt like it was a Genie's whisper.

"laksa. talk abt laksa. You heard me, laksa."

-----------------------------------------------

I've been feeling close to God this week.
i asked shepherd to pray for spiritual wind for me and it probably worked.

Attended an 11 hour class on Jesus' teachings over 3 days.
Just prior to the class i had a sudden abrupt thought to do theology.
what can be more worthwhile than studying a holy book of wisdom?

the story of Judas was the one that caught me the most.
Jesus gave him chances time and time again,
like a parent who refuses to give up on an errant child,
but Judas didn't turn back to God.

Right till the end,
at the face of Judas' betrayal,
Jesus still called him a "Friend".

-----------------------------------------

i'm starting to get used to this feeling of intuition.
there are just times when i know things will happen.
it's not optimism or even faith,
it's just a very settled peaceful feeling of knowing.

Like in my job, and some other matters.
I know what God wants me to do.
Do this, and then this will happen.
I just know it.

i think it only happens in periods when i feel close to God.

of late i've been struggling with all the activities around me.
for a while i put everything, including God, on the backseat while i picked sth to concentrate on.
2 weeks later i gave up,
and now decide to concentrate on God and one other matter.

and the funny thing is,
when i concentrate on God,
all my other passions seem fired up again.

all very amazing.
amazing.
thank you.

Saturday Night Inspiration

I remember this video that they played in church during easter sunday last year. It must have done something because i accepted Christ an hour after that. :P
I could only find the korean subtitled version and below is the description to help understand what's going on. I only just realised this was actually a true story.

-----------------------
Video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6FhdvDgpzAg&feature=related

The father's name was John Griffith. He had lost all he had in the stock market crash. He moved to Mississippi where he took a job as bridge operator for a railroad trestle.

In 1937 he was involved in a horrible accident. One day his 8 year-old son, Greg, spent the day with his Dad at work. The boy poked around the office and asked dozens of questions - just like little boys do. The bridge was over a river and whenever a ship came John had to open the bridge to allow the ships to pass. The day the boy was there with his father a ship was coming so John opened up the drawbridge. After a moment or two he realized his son wasn't in the office and as he looked around, to his horror, John saw his son climbing around on the gears of the draw bridge. He hurried outside to rescue his son but just then he heard a fast approaching passenger train, the Memphis Express, filled with 400 people. He yelled to his son, but the noise of the now clearing ship and the oncoming train made it impossible for the boy to hear him.

All of a sudden John Griffith realized his horrible dilemma. If he took the time to rescue his son the train would crash killing all aboard, but if he closed the bridge, the boy would be crushed in the gears. John would sacrifice his son. He made the horrible decision, pulled the lever and closed the bridge. It is said, as the train went by John could see the faces of the passengers, some reading, some even waving, all of them oblivious to the sacrifice that had just been made for them.
---------------------------

In recent weeks I've been stuggling with certain concepts again. And yesterday God reminded me of how He had only one safety line and He used it on me (us) instead of his son. As He pulled me out of the stormy sea, we watched his son drown. Pure anguish. why would He choose to save me?

On a faraway boat i see great teachers teaching pple how to swim to a faraway land to safety. I don't know if they will succeed. I don't know if there is a land. But i see God throwing his safety line out while his son is drowning. And even though some opt not to take the line, God chose to keep the line out desperately hoping we will change our mind, and all the while the son is gasping for air and trashing the water. With every gasp, God yells in anguish for someone to grab the darn line so the death will not be in vain.

As we sat on the boat, I could have said He needn't have done that. I could have tried to swim. But He was staring sadly at the sea, where the son is gone now. Tell me what kind of person can say that without deserving one tight slap.

----------------------------

Captain Miller to Private James Ryan, for whom two men have died in the quest to save him in the war:
"James, earn this (chance to live)... earn it."


[Flash to last lines in the movie. When years later, James was standing at the graves of the 2 men who died for him.]

Old James Ryan: "Tell me I have led a good life."

Ryan's Wife: "What?"

Old James Ryan: "Tell me I'm a good man."

Ryan's Wife: "You *are*."

----------------------------------------

"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son..." John 3:16.

so that's what it means.
Take it. Earn it.

**end of inspiration**

BACKSIDE IN FOR THE FIRST TIME!

nothing lewd here,
on sat i drove my family out for dinner and back.
I've been here for 5 years and i can count on one hand the number of times i drove since i came back.

Once i hit the road, I knew why.
Cars were weaving in and out and barging their ways around.
It's baffling.
Why can't everyone just keep to their lanes and RELAX?

I can understand the odd car here and there overtaking now and then,
but weaving?
WHY?

--------------------

it probably wasn't wise to get used to driving with the full family in tow.
because everyone had an opinion,
and all opted to voice them.

"you gotta go faster when you overtake"
"you can't overtake so quickly! you need to ease in slowly."
"be careful to keep to your lane when you turn"
"there was no one on that lane you could have cut into that lane a little"

and then on more than one occasions,
amidst the panick,

"signal! go left now!"
"ok!" *wipers started sweeping*
"why are the wipers on?"
"i thought it was the left signal. how to turn it off?"

(15 min later)
"signal! go left now!"
"ok!" *wipers started sweeping*

----------------------------------------

it was fun parking backside in.
it was honestly the first time i tried it.

also pretty funny when 30 seconds after i swerved another turn,
dad quietly muttered,
"actually your turning is quite scary"

all summarised neatly when i've finally parked and done,
and bro went "look at mom's stressed face"

-----------------------------------------

We had emu meat and eel for dinner that evening.
the restaurant was pretty bad.
the only thing that was good was their appetisers,
everything else was bland.

emu tasted like bland beef.
beef tasted like bland beef.
and eel....EEL......EEEEEWWWWWWWWW.

I imagined it to be the eel that's on Jap sushi,
those are pretty good.
but it was nothing like Jap eel.

it was eel from Reptile Land.
if i ever had to imagine what eating a lizard would be like,
that was it.
it looked like a lizard, felt like a lizard, and tasted like a lizard.

....

it better not be a lizard.

-----------------------------------

I'm beginning to like shopping.
i suddenly sense some liberation.
like hell i can dress whatever i like.

i should look at it the way i look at costume shopping.
i love costume shopping.

time to dig angie out for some fashion makeover for me.

-------------------------------------

I've been reading on some INFJ stuff.
it fitted me so accurately i burst out laughing in recognition.
somehow i ended up on some INFJ mailing list,
and i don't even remember how i got there but i suddenly have emails from INFJs all over the world.

Some of the memorable quotes i caught:

"All the other types understand each others goals except the INFJ's. For the INFJ, the goal is to have a goal.."

"Most people struggle to get me, that can be frustrating at times, here I am thinking about something like existentialist dilemmas and there you have a gang of girls discussing the latest make up trends..."

"I've never found a job where I felt i belong, and then it dawned on me that maybe i belonged to nowhere"

"we're one of God's prototypes"

"The worst thing about the INFJ list is that work keeps getting in the way.""

-------------------------------------

"INFJ rocks have nice things under them."

Eat Pray Love, and Kiss My Ass

Oh gosh i just finished the entire book of Eat Pray Love in 2.5 days.
I feel like a book glutton.
(did i mention i finished ANOTHER book on the MRT ride home on Friday)

I was so hooked on the book, my mom thought i was reading the Bible.
"Will you stop reading the Bible?" my mom said in frustration, just as I was on the page reading abt Liz's bed romps with her brazilian boyfriend.

Not sure if borrowing the book is a gd idea.
I was gonna make myself so bored this weekend I'll jump into my passions with vengence when the weekend is over.
Like I'll memorise the book of Matthew if i had to, just to have something to do.

Eat Pray Love was good though.
I was on my bed, drifting between reading and napping this afternoon,
flicking off the pesky inner voice in my head dictating the things i need to be doing,
and thinking "This is good..."

I basically spent the weekend with Liz,
as she took me on her journey to Italy with all its erotic fountains, to India where she puts her white ass daily in meditation halls, and to Indonesia where she spends time with her Medicine Man who is anywhere between 62 and 102.

Something the Medicine Man (or was it the Guru in India) told her that caught me:

there are 3 levels of luck pple are borned with.

1) to be born a human is luck itself, as we have the ability to analyse
2) those among us who always have the urge to seek answers of divinity
3) those who manage to find the Guru that can guide them to the answers

--------------------------------------------------

In Italy, Liz's cute Italian friend asked her what her word is.
For example, Stockholm's word is CONFORM, New York's word is SUCCESS, and Rome's word is SEX.

Liz found out in India that her word is a Sanskrit word that stood for "being at the border".

I wonder what my word is.
now that i have my mission statement, perhaps it's time i find my word.

The last time i went on such a mission,
to find my word and pin it on my office desk,
i ended up with

"KISS MY ASS."

which isn't even a word, but three.

and i can only imagine the times the director came round the office with our USA customers, and pointing out my desk to them,

"Yes over there, you see, the sign that says "Kiss My ass", yes that's where the engineer working on your project is sitting. now let me take you to the other office"


----------------------------

pple who know me will know that KISS MY ASS is not my phrase (oh god pls say so).
but maybe, maybe it should be.
maybe it means i should kiss my own ass more, to be a little more gentle on myself, to love myself a bit more.

Kiss my Ass indeed.
I can't believe i have so much time i managed to think what Kiss My Ass can mean to me.

I'll keep a lookout for my word.
What's your word?

Eat Pray Love

Would you believe, i went to Jurong Library four times over several weeks, to look for a book.
and on the fourth time, realised that all these while i was looking at the wrong shelf?

To think that on all the previous occasions, I thought there was a book hijacker who was hiding the book in some secret hiding place only he could find.

Yesterday, for the fourth time, i saw that the book was available and as usual, i couldn't find it on the shelf. But this time i wasn't leaving until I dug it out. If i had to pump the toilet bowl to flush it out, I would.

Instinctively I went to look for the library staff, something that kept nigging at me for weeks but I'd rather let the book hijacker repent and return the book. But still, strangely, even when I stood a metre away from the library woman packing books on the shelf, I still didn't feel like asking. There's something about finding your own books that captures me. Maybe it's just pride.

"It's the damn library and every book is catalogued and every shelf is numbered and STILL, you can't find it?!"

So I returned to the shelf I've been scrutinizing for weeks,
and went to a trolley parked near it in case by some stroke of luck someone was browsing the book and returned it onto the trolley.

and then i saw it.

Welcome to the Philippines. 910.00 [TRA]

"Oh my holy frigging mother nature of Jurong, there's ANOTHER 910 series shelf?"

I found the shelf at the opposite corner of the library,
and there it was.
Not just one, but two books.
Sitting there for 4 weeks while the seeker was cursing a phantom book hijacker at the other corner of the library.

Eat, Pray, Love. By Elizabeth Gilbert.
One woman's search for everything across Italy, India and Indonesia.

--------------------------------------------------

I'm taking a break again.
The fire has burned out all the wood.
Time to grow trees and gather log.

So far i'm loving this period of time passing by oh so slowly.
where there's nothing to do and you just jolly well do what you want.
I can read, I can sleep, I can throw sheep at everyone.

I can even eat pure white lotus mooncakes.
------------------------------------------------------

Excerpt from Eat Pray Love:

"I bet Gandhi never ate lamb intestines in his life," I said.
"He could have"
"No, he couldn't have, Luca. Gandhi was a vegetarian."
"But vegetarians can eat this," Luca insisted. "Because intestines aren't even meat, Liz. They're just shit."

oh I love this book.

It's been a superb week!
it's the season of meeting up old friends again.
those periodic "seasons" that come on its own,
when everyone suddenly wants to meet up.

-------------------------------------
On mon we had a pri sch gathering.
we've been planning for one since chinese new year,
so it's a belated lo hei gathering.

i told jen i'll go dig them out for her birthday,
and miraculously everyone spontaneously agreed to come meet up.
the date was easy to set, the place to meet was a comedy of sms-es.

(i was the only one getting all these sms-es)

Me mass sms-ing them: hey folks choose-rice table or hanabi
(2 min later) Angie: Rice table is cool.
(4 min later) Vera: Rice table not nice. wat abt steamboat?
(6 min later) Irene: Anything but steamboat is ok.
(8 min later) Steph: Oei so where? if i call Faz must be halal ya?

In the end we all went to irene's house because she had a bad backache and couldn't leave the house.
And all these while, Jen, steph and I were speculating that she is pregnant.
lucky never buy red eggs.

Over pizza, beer and cake,
we shared and talked abt everything from facebook thumbs to angie's husband-whose-name-is-george-but-we-want-to-call-mike, to Jen's hunt for teachers (hey we all majored in O level humanities!) to Jack's "immoral" occupation (drink more beer, drink more, we understand).

Jen was happy i think.
and Irene is a really sweet friend and i was glad we could do it for her (go over her place).

--------------------------------------

Vince and Prav called me out of the blue as well.
they were my ex-colleagues and we shared the same cluster of desks at work.
it was nice catching up with them.

vince is a really sweet guy.
i'm so ashamed of how anal i was whenever the project was having problems and i would look so pissed.
we worked on the same project and he was always privy to my piss-ness.
but he was always so sweet and accomodating,
always patiently and coolly working things out,
always helping to carry my heavy juggling bag whenever we walked to the MRT station together.

what a nice guy,
my heart is melting.
i was such a bitch. keke.
we can't really communicate on the same level so nothing further can progress,
but he is a gentleman, very simple and very big hearted.

Prav was like a little brother to me.
i respected and liked him.
Well brought up guy with good principles and very family oriented.

a filipino, an indian and a chinese singaporean girl.
what an oddball combination. :)
------------------------------------------

SY msg-ed to ask why i've stopped juggling.
Darren, my fellow backsliding juggler, then suddenly called,
to say he's now BACK to juggling.

-----------------------------------------

Woke up yesterday frustrated.
I was tired and a part of me wanted an activity free saturday,
i just wanted to nua at home.

but i've already agreed to attend toastmasters as an evaluator,
so i dragged my feet out.

it was an ok meeting.
i gave my evaluation on a project one speaker who was a retired principal.
and my first line was
"it's a formidable task for me to be up here evaluating a principal, but i'll try."

after my evaluation, the emcee went "thanks for giving such a detailed evaluation on a P1 project"

she prob meant it as an off-handed remark
but i was slightly embarassed because usually P1s are just icebreakers and probably no need to be very technical.

Anyway after the session,
the language evaluator who was a guest from Tampines club came up to me.
"Hi i'm the VP of education from my club and I would love it if you can come by to evaluate for us in Tampines"

It was fantastic because I had just mentally marked him down as someone to call over to Toa Payoh to do language evaluation for us.

So we chit chatted and turns out he is a corporate trainer,
and i got some tips on how to break into the industry, if i wanted to.

And then another speaker came to join us.
he is the GM of an aeroplane engine company and his speech was abt bird accidents on planes.
Did you know that to test aeroplane engines, they shot birds into the engines to find out how many birds it can take before being damaged?

"Are the birds still alive?" i asked in horror.
"no la, of course they use dead birds," he laughed.

The Tampines guest was a huge airplane fan and the GM offered to get Aerospace tickets for him.

it's so warm,
to see all this unfold in front of me.
3 perfect strangers,
just talking,
genuinely interested in each other's lives,
and finding out we can all do something to help each other.

network is too superficial a term to describe this encounter.
it's connectedness.

-------------------------------------------

Went to have cell group at east coast after.
at some point we started play-acting the bible story we were studying, in hokkien.

"le si siang (who are you)," the man looked at Jesus and asked.
"ki lai kia (Get up and walk)" Jesus told him.

----------------------------------------

We then went for cycling, where dear old Poot joined us.
As usual Poot got lost in wilderness,
and i got a tandem bike to pick her up.

Tandem biking with Poot is twice as tiring as cycling alone.

we were screaming and shrieking half the time.

"eh why is the bike tilting?" i screamed from behind.
"it's not, i'm perfectly straight"
"I'm leaning towards left. keep looking forward pls!"
"what?" she turned to look at me sitting behind, causing the bike to swerve.
"ARGH!!! LOOK FORWARD!!!"
"Trust me, i'm in control. this is no control," lifts up one of her hands.
"AAAAAAAHHHH"

Shan was cycling behind us and told us she could see some cyclists going past us and smiling at us.
"I made sure i stayed far from you both. You looked like such a hazard!"

shepherd was also on a double bike with grace in front and they could hear us screaming.

"eh can we be like other pple and ride in serenity?"
"ya ok, i'm getting used to it. eh stop changing bike gears!"
"i'm not touching the gears. i think the bike is spoilt"
"how come everytime we do tandem the bikes spoil. i think it's us lei"

On the way back we switched and i took the front.
And poot started eating cheese balls behind.

"hey Henry's over there," WJ shouted over.
"where?" I turned.
"eh, eh, look forward look forward. don't zhong se qing you. concentrate!" poot got flustered.
"Heng li GE (brother henry)......."
"AAAAAAA...look forward!!" poot screamed.

-------------------------------------------

After cycling we got a car ride to parkway.
there were 4 girls squashed behind and poot chose this time to wiggle her phone out of her pocket.
because we were so squashed,
i was tickled and we were squirming and laughing uncontrollably behind.

and then Poot reached into MY pocket.
"eh how come my phone is sliding phone? oh shit i reached into YOUR pocket!"

We then had a 3 hour dinner at Sakae Sushi.
it was a splendid dinner.
again we shared and talked abt everything.
And again Poot made a mess of the table.

"i'm quite embarassed at the mess i'm making," Poot said as she wiped the fish roe balls that were all over the table because she dropped the roe sushi.
"maybe we can move down the counter. keep changing seats and let them clean up after us," I said, just before i accidentally pivoted my soft shell crab onto Poot's shorts.

it was super cool.
we talked abt how "technically," a certain person still has the gift of celibacy.
and how disrespectful lusty messages are.

"ooh gross. imagine he has one hand on the phone, and the other..er hmm"
"YUCKSSS!!"
"clean thoughts, clean thoughts," and we did a face wiping motion.

"you know pple from the other side of the counter don't know what we're talking abt and all they're seeing is our hands flailing in the air and our face wiping motions. they'll think we're crazy."
"just don't be so animated until we fall off the chair ok."

-----------------------------------------------------

it has been a crazy lot of fun week.
oh yes,
thanks to all who replied to my "kindness" sms.

shepherd asked if "you really just want us to humour you?"
and i told her no.
it's when you reply that you take time off to remember the kind things you've done and the kindness received,
and i hope everyone remembers how they felt then.

When i recalled the things i've done and received,
i was so touched i went to email the person who did the kind act for me to let him know i've never forgotten.

when you do something kind,
something changes in you.

We are all just temporary containers of God's love and greatness.
that's why christians thank God all the time, for everything.

From the book i'm reading now, "Random Acts of Kindness",
i've learnt:

Everything we have, we must give.
it's the only way to truly live.