Revelation

I just realised something very exciting the other night.

I've been reading a book that changed my perspective on some things,
and i sensed a eureka moment.

the kind where you stare at a 3D pic and suddenly the 3D effect appears and you wonder why you haven't been able to see it all this while.

Look at the cube below.
is the blue surface of the cube closest or farthest from you?
You can actually stare a bit more and your brain will "switch" back and forth.

I realised there is a great divide between very faithful Christians and non-believers.

One sees the blue surface closest, one sees it furthest,
and both can't understand what the other is talking abt.

i re-read some of my emails to my caregroup "elders",
(i tend to periodically bombard them with ambiguous religious questions that disturbed me,to find out how they recounciled with these issues),
and i could suddenly see things on "their side".

it took me a while to recall what i was thinking when i drafted the email,
to change my perspective and see things on the "other side".

Cube switching!
that's what it's all abt!

no wonder it's always like chicken and duck talking when you have a christian and non-believer together.

"why do you believe that Christianity is the only way"
"because the bible says so"
"i read sutras"
"that is not the way to heaven"
"why not?"
"because the bible says so"

I'm a completely immature Christian at the moment,
I've come to see that i have no foundation at all in my faith,
it's something i need to work on.

so at my level now,
i have uncontrolled switching,
sometimes i see it, but most times i'm on the other side and have sceptical thoughts.

I think the best level to be at is to have controlled switching.
to see both sides at will.
To not switch at all is to fail to see the validity of the other side,
and if you can't comprehend the gap, you can't bridge the gap.

I want to have the faith of mature christians,
but i don't want to lose the ability to understand things from the skeptic's side.
i know God won't give up on me as long as I don't give up,

the journey is the mission. the mission is the journey.

the following poem i received sums it up nicely:

-------------------------------------------------------

There is a great divide;
With smart people on either side.
Some folks say there is a God,
Others believe it’s just a facade.


Then there are those who just don’t care;
They only use the name of God to swear.
This all creates so much confusion.
Could God really be just a delusion?


Some are certain that He is real.
Others say that’s not what they feel.
Their faith they will strongly defend;
The other side they can’t comprehend.


One side claims we exist due to happenstance.
The other says “impossible, there is no chance.”
This has caused folks to debate and fight.
Because both sides believe they are right.


These opposing beliefs often collide,
And neither one can prove their side.
We believe in what we choose;
And we reject opposing views.


It is based on what we discern and perceive,
Often stemming from what we look to believe.
It is faith and what that’s actually about,
Is trusting even when there is doubt.


Be it your parent, child, sister or brother;
We must all respect the faith of another.
We can resolve this peacefully;
All we must do is agree to disagree.


We are free here to make that choice.
And have the liberty to express our voice.
No matter on which side you belong,
To insult the other is so wrong.


Why harass another and become irate?
Why act hostile or express any hate?
Don’t try to silence the truth others perceive;
Or stop them from expressing what they believe.


Tolerance is what this country is about.
We must be civil and strive to live that out.
Don’t put down someone’s point of view.
When you don’t believe their faith is true.


The majority believe in God, so they say;
And they have the right to worship and pray.
As for me, I definitely believe in God.
If you don’t, I do not think you are odd.


I choose faith in God and trust in His Word.
Don’t ridicule me if you find that absurd.
It would be small-minded for you to say I’m a dope.
If you don’t understand my source of strength and hope.


If you find it foolish, I can only hope and pray,
That God will reveal truth and help you find your way.
The love of God is what I intentionally choose.
I know with my faith I have nothing to lose.


If I’m wrong, I’d rather be on this side of the debate.
Than on the other to find I was wrong too late.
But I’m not ashamed, so please understand,
When my faith is mocked, I will take a stand.


Your choice affects the way you think.
Your beliefs and outlook are likely in sync.
I believe only God can reveal the truth to you,
To show you which is foolish and which is true.


I have looked at both sides before drawing my conclusion;
I am confident God is not a delusion.
Research both sides to see which makes sense to you.
Ask God to show you which is foolish and which is true.

It is the biggest decision you could ever make.
So carefully choose which side you’ll take.


- - - written by Arlene Spanos

Management 101

I tried the emcee role for toastmasters last week,
for the first time.

the preparations for it weren't as stressful as doing a speech,
but it was a lot more tiring and stressful on the actual night.

If you're a speaker you can basically relax after your speech slot,
but the emcee has to be on the ball the whole night.

And all my speakers came late,
so i was scrambling around in between speakers to find out their speech titles and how to introduce them.

I would end up somewhere in the far end of the room and someone on stage would suddenly go "back to the emcee" and you would hear me go "oh shit" and then see me running to the stage.

Can't say it wasn't fun.

-------------------------------------------------

It has been an interesting work week.

The management suddenly decided to standardise working hours and my tech happened to be one of those affected and he had to change his working hours.

I wasn't expecting any drama to come out of it so i was surprised when he went "no".

And then unfolded all the drama, as i ping ponged back and forth between him and the management.

I understood where the management was coming from, rules are rules, and traffic jam is not really a valid reason because it's something we all have to deal with.

But he couldn't see it, and though i empathised with his difficulty, I could only do so much.

It was an interesting episode to go through though.
For one thing, i think the office really does have a kind culture.
We could have just forced him to fall into place,
but honestly we did hear him out and try to work things out.

My manager was also trying to help,
and he himself was shuttling to the HOD to see if anything could be done.

so the drama became the watercooler topic of the week.
my tech is notorious for his ill temper so everyone was just finding excuses to walk past us to watch the drama.
haha.
i thought it was pretty funny.

we had multiple hour long talks,
and no he wasn't really that agressive,
i think i'm used to his tone already.

the last talk was a good one,
as he poured out all his grievances to me.
he was carrying all these burdens on him,
and every unhappy event at work was a knot in his heart.

i'm not even sure how i can help him un-tie those knots because they are all events of the past, most of which i'm not even involved in.

he's a character,
as one of my colleagues quipped,
"manage him, and you can manage anybody"

---------------------------------------------

it was a heartwarming week at work.
my colleagues threw me a birthday lunch,
and it was just an amazing turnaround when i recall the dark days when i just started.

the one i had most difficulty with in the beginning was now almost like my buddy at work.
we dubbed ourselves the charlie's angels.

and during our heart to heart talk, my tech also let me in, amidst his tough demeanour, that he knows i've been "enduring him", and how others have been saying he is lucky to have me as boss.

"and i know you don't gossip much like them, you just listen only"

kekkekeke.

when i first started in the job, LJ gave me this verse to encourage me:

(1 Peter 3:16) "..keeping a clear conscience, so that those who speak maliciously against your good behavior in Christ may be ashamed of their slander."

character is more important than reputation, because the former is who you are, and the latter is just what others think of you. it has never failed me thus far my belief that if you just stick to who you are, pple will see it eventually.

--------------------------------------------

Vincent my ex-colleague actually remembered my bday and smsed me on it.
he's really really sweet.

we used to work really closely on the same project,
and that's a surefire way of seeing all my ugly sides.

i am quite ashamed of some of my behaviour back then.
I can get too focussed on work,
and i was also grappling with issues at that time.

thank God he was extremely patient.
and even then i can remember at least two times when i stretched him to his limit,
and he had to shrug it off aloud "*sigh* Never mind, it's ok la"

he's a good guy,
a great gentleman who kept carrying my heavy juggling bag as we walked to the mrt.

i can't believe how anal i was!
oh dear.

--------------------------------

Some shit happened last week,
one of our projects had a flaw that was caught by the big boss himself.
so everyone below kadang kabut.

as we tried to explain to the managers that we had done our due dilligence,
sometimes we do it a bit too fervently and indirectly imply that the blame was on something else.

As i jogged that evening,
it came to my mind a simple line "Don't point fingers".

And i suddenly thought of all the pple i respected the most at work through the years.

i remember GB, the HSV project manager.
She is one tough woman,
she listens to what you have to say, and has the charisma and ability to get things done.
but step on her toes and she will bite your head off.

But that one time when some big shit happened and she declared,
"i'm the project manager. The blame stops at me."

that was the wow moment that caught me.
especially when the engineers under her were still bickering on who was in the wrong.

I remember RM, also a lady project manager.
she was the epitome of calmness,
she worked crazy hours because ours was a crazy project and she was overall in charge,
but never once did i see her lose her cool.

her hair would go crazy on some mornings,
but she would still be as calm and logical as ever.

RESPECT.

even now i enjoy working under the current project manager and my dept manager.
they have superb analytical abilities,
they can grasp what you have to say very quickly,
and then gauge the risk factor and make the decision firmly.

it's very fun working with them,
because you know they understand the problem,
sometimes they wow you with their ideas,
and mostly you trust they're making the best decision at that point of time.

The best trait abt the PM is also that he doesn't waste time on blame when shit happens.
He'd channel the team's focus on how to solve the problem.
-------------------------------------------------

The other day i was discussing with a colleague on RF technology.

"You understand what i'm saying??" she suddenly looked relieved.
"yea."
"You really understand??"
"yea why?"
"You know how hard i've been trying to explain to my boss? He just doesn't get it, and he got angry with me somemore! you really understand what i'm saying?"
"hahaha...yes i really understand. you sound so relieved that someone finally knows what you're saying."

"exactly! you really understand what i'm saying? OMG finally!"

--------------------------------------------

Working life has been interesting so far.
Not only am i learning new technology,
i've also learnt a lot on management styles by observing the best at work.

cool. :)

Birthday Week!

First a video treat.
If bass was king in Red Hot Chilli Peppers the Conehead song "soul to squeeze",
then i finally found a song where the drums made all the difference.

it has a very catchy drum beat,
the youtube vid is not available, so i'll just put a juggling video with that song in.
(and what great juggling too!)



"wait, they don't love you like i love you"
Maps by Yeah yeah yeahs
---------------------------------------------

it has been a whole week of eating and meeting.
Until i'm quite scared of eating liao. :P

Birthdays were never a big deal for me,
that's why i can never remember anyone's birth dates.

But it was fun this year.

Went with shepherd on wed to this World music cafe thing in chinatown.
interesting concept.
it was a very chilled out place with sofas everywhere and you can play any instruments you want there.
Reminded me of the bali lane cafes but those are more edgy and scary and "underground",
with tatoo-ed pple and looks like a place to smoke opium (but lots of cammaraderie spirit in the air even among strangers).

the music cafe is a lot "cleaner",
i just wished it had more instruments besides a piano and african drums.
If they have real drums i'll be there banging all day.

--------------------------------
And then on thurs I had inline skating class.

My legs were literally shaking and it's very embarassing.

"Don't be so scared, i can see your legs are shaking", the instructor said.
"it's not fear, they're shaking out of stress. i'm not doing something right, there's a lot of strain"
"oh i know why, you're using 内功to stop your skates from moving."
"yeah that could be it."
"Just let them move. Skates are supposed to move you know"

One lesson of inline skating gave me more muscle aches than the whole week of jogging combined.

After the lesson Irene arranged an impromtu dinner.
Irene's really really sweet.
they actually waited till 9pm for me to arrive to start dinner,
and you could see she was pooped from work but she still arranged to meet up.

Ever since she gave us a front table for her wedding dinner,
i've found her amazing.

--------------------------------------------

On Friday i popped by a christian pub at the singapore flyer.
it's very quiet because no one really goes to the flyer,
but it's an interesting place.

the theme of the place is love the world,
and the band plays poppish christian songs together with other normal pop songs.

so it's a "clean" decent pub.

now i have a place to drown my sorrows if i ever need one.

shereen brought along 3 other friends,
two of which also have birthdays in Feb.

We got bored and started playing Truth Or Dare,
and you would think since this is the first time i'm meeting them they would ask very safe questions,
but nooooo....haha.....
let's just say after their first question, i'd rather do Dares. No more Truths.

----------------------------------------

On sat it was a family lunch.
together with 195 other pple from my dad's company.

it was a company event lunch,
and my dad felt quite bad that my birthday meal was a company meal.

he offered to make another one,
but i was scared of eating out so much anyway.

mom was a lot more direct.
"sorry la, your birthday always so close to chinese new year, so must always make do with new year meals and leftover cakes"

and you wonder why birthdays don't mean much to me. :P

in the evening I met up with Poot.

"eh we go chomp chomp right?"
"yeah"
"no need to wear very nice right?"
"no need, 你有穿就好"

so i really went super sloppily.
it was quite funny.

"WHAT ARE YOU WEARING?"
"WHAT?"
"WAH LAU" she laughed.
"you also wear berms ma"
"i wore this to parent-teachers meeting lor"
"oh."
"Just because you're one year older doesn't mean you can anyhow wear girl. And you're carrying a handbag somemore"
"hahahaha....i used it when i went for lunch. and i didn't have time to unpack so i just grabbed it. it doesn't match i know..haha"

On hindsight it was really funny,
even mom was completely disapproving.

I told Poot that my dressing is a compliment to our friendship, because it shows i'm completely comfortable wearing anything in her presence.

And i did too. She was ribbing me all the way "don't stand so close to me, i dun know you" but it was more funny than embarassing.

it reminded me of the time i gave a christmas present to henry.
i couldn't find scotchtape in the house so i used bright yellow duct tape to wrap the present.
henry looked at the wrapping,
chuckled, and went "this is the result of familiarity".

--------------------------------------------

so today wraps up the end of the birthday cel.
The CG had lunch at Waraku,
where they played more Truth or Dare! (without the Dare)

they gave me a small poster with some of my favourite weird photos on it,
i like it. :D

--------------------------------------------

I had a good birthday week.
it clashed with PMS so i've been feeling restless,
but the week was pretty uplifting.

it was nice to meet up with pple around me,
and feel the love in the air.

thanks for all your birthday wishes!

Dilbert's World

yay! i was wondering when anyone would do a TV series on engineers.
we have had great series' on doctors (grey's anatomy) and lawyers (The Practice, Ally McBeal) and policemen (CSI) and teachers (Boston Public).....

And now we have Dilbert's World!
unfortunately it had to be one done by Mediacorp,
so naturally it comes with a lot of cheesiness.

I caught the first episode today,
and every single actor in it has a role as an engineer.

Even the lead actress' dad's ambition was to be an engineer,
and his two daughters and son are all engineers.

And then they walk on the road and bump into more engineers.

it's every non-engineer's worst nightmare,
EVERYONE in the world is an engineer!

Even during commercial break we see Tay Ping Hui's face going,
everyone asks "why", if you ask "why not", you may have what it takes to be an engineer.

i guess so.
my last memorable "why not" moment was the decision to put chicken backsides on my software program for the operators to click on.
I wonder if the programs are still in use.
i suspect so.

i also suspect no one there knows how to remove the chicken backside pictures.
Will be interesting to see how VIPs react to them when they do line inspections.

but hey,
they're cute.
and the operators enjoyed it.
i once stayed so late i met the 3rd shift operators and they went "so you are the one who put these there"

Well back to the show,
every 20 minutes one disaster will appear.
I've had my share of disasters with the projects,
but nothing like poisonous gas leaks.

And nothing like pushing a colleague into falling down and ramming his head onto the ground, during a poisonous gas leak no less, and then running away.

what a rotten day that would be.

--------------------------------------------

Drama is drama,
and none of the US series' really reflect real docs and lawyer' work,
but still,
at least they're belivably entertaining.

better than nothing i guess.

they could have showed things like using chicken backside programs to print, making portable cows talk, "shit hits the fan" and rotten bananas.
because that's what real engineers do.

what abt rotten bananas?

my colleague just asked me today:
"what's rotten banana in chinese?"
"what"
"Lan jiao"