MLM

a friend tricked me into attending an MLM talk a few days ago.

I asked him point blank "is this an MLM talk?", thinking that he may have been tricked into it.
"noooo...."
"sure ah. you have a good feeling about this?"
"ya."
"ok i'll go."

Turns out he was in MLM.

I even paid $5 for it.
shit.
so i couldn't even walk out to save my time cos i already dumped $5 in so might as well hear them out.

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I'm quite an open minded person i think
and i didn't mind it so much that it was an MLM talk,
than the fact that he denied it when i asked point-blank.

anyway i didn't really get mad, although i was quite disappointed with the lie.

didn't understand it too.
if he was in it and truly believed in the system,
then there's no reason to be ashamed of it.

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The whole MLM system was quite troubling.
something sounded so wrong about the system but i can't get a grip on what exactly is amiss.

Obviously i've read/heard abt MLM and pyramid before but i never knew exactly why pyramid is banned and what exactly is bad about the system.

but something about it just doesn't seem right.

All i could mutter that night about my misgivings was "it's so cult-ish!"
of which i receieved a puzzled and possibly offended "huh?" response from my friend.

He brought me to talk to the speaker to answer my questions:

"where is the money coming from?"
"the money that is saved from the middle man is distributed to the network" -(fair enough)

"what exactly are you selling? are you a retailer?"
"we are both retailers and franchise. it's like mcdonald's. i'd ask if you want a franchise of this biz, and if not, then would you like to buy the coke and fries" -(sounds ok but also amiss)

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"inspirational" talks like these make me nervous.
it's really like being in a cult.
to be in a room with people who are very high,
sometimes contrivingly so.
the speakers would go on and on abt the millions you can make,
the audience would nod and clap and shake hands and congratulate the big fish.

things that come to mind are recruitment talks for financial "advisors", MLM talks, and some churches (swap money with "salvation" and see the similarity in recruitment strategy)

if something is good, pple will buy for themselves.
no need to push and persuade.

I do appreciate my christian friends who invited me to their churches (out of their purest intentions i have no doubt) to open my mind to something new. but the important thing was they let me decide after that what i want. I have no patience for those orchard road salvation "pushers" whom i still remember told me buddhism was "silly".

Henry and I have had long discussions on religions. He was (still is, i think) a christian and he would list the reasons why he believed and i would list out why i thought it didn't work for me. It was very cordial and intellectual and we just agreed that each had our points of view.


anyway not to worry, i'm not into MLM.
My friend looked quite distressed (or offended?) with my doubts.
"i'm sorry i'm just very skeptical. Look i'm thinking of doing a masters in finance because i don't trust financial advisors!"

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it still bugs me that i can't grasp what is so amiss about MLM.
after discussing with my colleagues and surfing around, i think i've found my answer.

1) all the talks and seminars revolve around getting rich. they're not in the business of selling goods, they're in the business of selling dreams. And obviously dreams are intangible so they're really selling castles in the air. (a good analogy from a website says they are selling lottery tickets. some will win, most will lose)

2) distributors are not entreprenuers but players in a complex hierachy. MJ used to be in MLM and i asked him to open an online shop which will get him so many more buyers but he said it was against the rules. if you can't innovate, you're not an "entreprenuer". (then again franchising also has rules so hmmm)

3) you can't sell a franchise you don't own. McDonald's invented Macdonald's so they can sell the franchise. but Toa Payoh McDonald's, i'm sure, can't sell McDonald's franchise to Timbaktoo. It has to come from the head office.

4) it sounds like the company is making money from the network instead of from selling products. it's like a little bubble world where all the pawns in the network will buy from the company to gain points. Nothing wrong with that, except that the company can, and most likely will, sell their goods at a slightly higher price to take advantage.
(According to my friend, the catalogue of the company goods can be found online but the prices won't be shown until you log in as a member, which is $68. So if i'm just interested in buying soap, i need to pay $68 to find out how much the soap costs????)

all the talks and books and CDs cost money too. wonder how much they make from that.
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pumpkin time!

QuaterLife Crisis

I just cut my hair short and striped it red.
the last time i had short hair was in primary sch i think?

theoretically i didn't do a Britney.
I just wanted a trim but the hairdresser insisted i cut my hair short.
maybe she's the one with a more severe quarterlife crisis.
(she did just cut and colored her waist-long black hair into really short blonde hair)

she was so enthusiastic about playing with my hair, i gave in.

some of my colleagues thought it looked neater, while others weren't so enthusiastic.
it made me look fatter i think.
i agree with them all.
so i went back to get my red stripe.
and i'm really happy with my hair now.

I love the red stripe.
just one stripe, so it's not overpowering. but it's there, so i don't look so p6 anymore.

YC says i always mess with my hair whenever i get stressed.
"is it?"
"yeah! everytime after exams you'll get your hair done!"

(i met up with henry right after my haircut.
the first thing he asked, in all earnestest, was "how come you look like you came from Tibet?"
i could have boxed him)

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the other reason why i like my short hair is because it's a symbol of change.
i've become very disillusioned with a lot of things lately.
and now i'm trying to focus on other things.

it may be right, it may be wrong, i dunno.

i hate it that singapore has such a small room for "error".
once you start on a path, it's a lot harder to jump onto another path, compared to the US.

so every major decision has some sort of fatality feel to it.
if you get out, you can never get back again.

oh well.

i'm still not quite right yet.
maybe at the end of the "crisis" i'd look in the mirror and think "what the hell happened?"
For now i'm getting excited over my new toys,
the mascara and the eyeliner.
might as well go for the gothic look huh.

emo! emo!

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This is a good story:

I'm sitting is a quiet room at the Millcroft Inn, a peaceful little place hidden back among the pine trees about an hour out of Toronto. It's just past noon, late July, and I'm listening to the desperate sounds of a life-or-death struggle going on just a few feet away.

There's a small fly burning out the last of its short life's energies in a futile attempt to fly through the glass of the windowpane.

The whining wings tell the poignant story of the fly's strategy— try harder.
But it's not working.

The frenzied effort offers no hope for survival. Ironically, the struggle is part of the trap. It is impossible for the fly to try hard enough to succeed at breaking through the glass. Nevertheless, this little insect has staked its life on reaching its goal through raw effort and determination.

This fly is doomed. It will die there on the windowsill.

Across the room, ten steps away, the door is open. Ten seconds of flying time and this small creature could reach the outside world it seeks. With only a fraction of the effort now being wasted, it could be free of this self-imposed trap. The breakthrough possibility is there. It would be so easy.

Why doesn't the fly try another approach, something dramatically different? How did it get so locked in on the idea that this particular route, and determined effort, offers the most promise for success? What logic is there in continuing until death, to seek a breakthrough with "more of the same? "

No doubt this approach makes sense to the fly. Regrettably, it's an idea that will kill.

"Trying harder" isn't necessarily the solution to achieving more. It may not offer any real promise for getting what you want out of life. Sometimes, in fact, it's a big part of the problem. If you stake your hopes for a breakthrough on trying harder than ever, you may kill your chances for success.

— Price Pritchett, Ph.D.

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On a brighter note,
i stumbled upon "The Secret" book at Popular.

The Secret is simply:
Ask,Believe, Receive.

I love my red stripe of hair.

The AfterMath

I rebounded last week a lot stronger than i thought i could.
but i'm subdued today again.
met a recruitment agent yesterday who messed me up again.
so this will be a subdued post.
more pensive maybe.

the 2 books i borrowed from the lib "in 3 min" are pretty good books.
I suddenly realise there's a class of books i haven't been reading - career books.
I've read stuff on starting businesses and finding passions and all that jazz but the ideas are not so readily applicable because there is that big step to take - are you really ready to start a biz etc.

but career books....you can implement the ideas in there immediately because i'm right in the middle of the zoo.

so these are the gist of the ideas i've gotten so far, all which i agree with. (they're much better than the "the more you work, the more pple will make you work, so don't work so hard." or "no happiness can be found from work" kinds of advice i get sometimes)

1) Nothing gets you a new job faster than a great performance in the old one.

From Jack Welch the GE management guru. If you're thinking of leaving, don't quit in a huff. instead do even better at your current job, and send your feelers and signals out that you're thinking of moving. If you do a good job, someone will know.

2) Get on the boss' radar.

A strong performance is the foundation. but sometimes you need a few tricks to get noticed faster.

(i'm particularly guilty of not doing this well. i've been aiming for radars that are too small.)


3) Never be a victim.

Or rather, never have a victim's mindset. Don't blame everything else but yourself. Take control of the problem and do something about it.


From the book "The New Success Rules Of Women":

1) If you like music, work for Sony - find your passion

2) Keep your eye on the ball - know your career goals. If you don't ask, you don't get. And don't take "no" for an answer.

(again i'm guilty of this.)

3) Learn. All the time. - Each day in the school of life we will learn lessons. Like them or hate them, we have designed them as part of our curriculum. The lessons will be repeated in various forms until we've learnt them, and then we move to the next lesson. What you make of your life
is up to you.

4) Leadership is inspiring others to do their best work.

5) Be a mercenary for experience. - do different things, go to different places. you grow as you learn.


That's where i stopped at the moment.

the last line of the book i read:
"women are socialised to be nonconfrontational in approach and deferential in tone, which often leads to an impression of weakness."

This one completely resonates with me. Sometimes i empathize and try to help so much that it no longer is a strength. it has become a weakness.

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So i started last week rejuvenated from my new found enlightenment.
i almost wished i got my "happiness inflation correction" depressive episode sooner.

For one i started arriving to the office early.
(i planned to leave on time too since i needed time at home to send my "feelers" out but somehow that never works out)
And because i read on the bus, usually i'll get to the office feeling high from what i read.
I started working again with rejuvenated focus and enthusiasm,
and the "slacking" of the rest don't bother me anymore.

I wonder what my colleagues think.
one week i'm moody and angry-looking and the next i'm suddenly so enthusiastic.

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Perhaps it's like the renewed living enthusiasm of someone with 5 month's left to live.
you could go the other way and be depressed for 5 months,
or you could go skydiving and other things you've never done.

I have 5 months left to leave a legacy behind.

This "countdown" syndrome may actually make me better overall.
i could, for example, raise suggestions and points to the big bosses where i would otherwise be more afraid of getting into their wrong books.
I could take risks in getting onto the radar.

i plan to have a discussion with my boss' boss (whom i'm targetting as a career mentor, who is someone you can learn and seek advice from) on my prospects in the company.
never be a victim right, and you don't ask, you don't get.

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I think some of them already suspect i won't be around too long.
because i just give a wry smile when they ask and i never deny it.
but i won't put it on my lips and say i'll leave every 2 sentences i spurt.

i've had 3 pple i've worked with so far that i respect (they've all since left),
and like them, i plan to leave with esteem.

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So my feelers have already gotten me some leads.
but unfortunately the bond has become my biggest baggage.

The recruitment agent said she was "shocked" to see what i was getting,
and i could easily get a lot more outside.

I was never one to work just for money, but now i feel a bit exploited. and bonded.

i just did my sums and it won't really make financial sense for me to break the bond.

maybe i should channel some time and effort thinking of ways to earn back my exploitation/opportunity-costs money.

while continuing to send feelers out.

and while giving my all to build that leagacy where i am, and use it as the career lab to try out some of the ideas in the books.

that sounds like a good plan.

What the Hell Am I Doing In the Zoo

Got this in my email today.
How apt.

~~~~
Baby Camel to Mother Camel:

So my hump is to store water when we are in the desert, the legs are for walking through the desert and these eyelashes protect my eyes from the desert sand......

so....

what the hell are we doing in the ZOO?

Moral: Skills, knowledge, abilities, experiences are only useful if you are at the right place.
~~~

I had a horrible horrible week at work.
i don't think i've felt as sad this entire year as i've felt on thursday.

it was a combination of many factors that just boiled over.

And to think on tuesday i was still happily KTV-ing with weips and Lu.
Haha.
it makes me smile just recapping on tues night.

When weips is in her element, we're on the complete same frequency and magic happens.
So it was another wild night of singing and dancing.

At one point Lu was wearing her sunglasses singing standing on the couch (with her usual deadpan expression) and we were her wild backup dancers.

"can you imagine the waiter looking in? like wah this one bring sunglasses and backup dancers somemore. like how much did she pay them to come man?"

Weips and i also started singing songs by replacing "I" with "ee" so you'll hear chorus like "don't you know that ee loves you". And we also did some Supreme and mambo style dancing.

It was a blast.

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and then it all went downhill from there.

met up with MJ on wed night. likely for the last time before he moves to China. His work is not contract based so he could be in china from "2 weeks to forever". it's a bit sad when i think about it, cos MJ was the one i did all my whacky juggling ideas with.

He is a very mild person, but he'll come along with all the ideas i can think of. Like filming round Orchard, doing busking, attending japanese juggling conventions and staying in cheap hotels in sleazy areas in japan.

So now there's one less inspiration and one less kaki to play with.

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At work it proved to be a tough week.

A new project just got transferred over, and where usually there's only one equipment system per project, this one had 3.

which is fine, but NONE of them worked upon setup.

it was a crazy time.

i'd spend 1.5 days mulling over one equipment, get incredibly stressed and then incredibly happy that i've finally found the problem, and then i'll move on to the next equipment, power it up, and get exasperated because now this one doesn't work.

I was supposed to get everything running by next week. And even though it's not a hard deadline ("don't work means don't work what" is apparantly a reasonable and acceptable excuse), i can't bear not to meet the deadline.

So while i was intensely juggling the activities and progress of the 3 equipment to most efficiently meet the deadline, i kept stumbling upon my colleagues slacking off.

See there's a remote room somewhere in the corner of nowhere, where few pple walk in.
It so happened that some of the things i need are kept in this room, so i kept going there to get my stuff.

And everytime i walked in there'd be my colleagues there happily chatting away.
very free ah.

so that's their secret hideout.
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I don't even know where to begin voicing my frustrations.

We are all paid the same, even the bonuses are the same even though it's supposed to be a performance appraisal indicator. Perhaps it's the boss's way of taking the easy way out. if everyone is paid the same, then nobody is disgruntled right?

wrong. Only the losers don't get disgruntled.

The system is now sending me a message loud and clear:

"No need to work so hard. Work so hard for what? who gives a hoot? the more you know the more you do. Just say 'dunno' la!"

But i can't bring myself to act dumb or be dumb. i'm not wired that way. i'm not wired to be passive. i take pride in my efficiency, in my word, in meeting my commitment. I won't be happy.

And yet, i'm not happy working hard and giving my all. because the system is telling me there is no point.

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Where others will say "no, cannot do", i'd say "let me try to see if i can find something."

Where others will say "equipment not working. we wait for repair.", i say "i'll do everything i can to find the problem, and if it's really not working i'll find the spare and alternatives."

where others say "ya i'm waiting for this guy to do it. i can't do anything until he replies", i'd say "let us find a way to go round the problem. we can't just sit and wait"

I take responsibility. But it's all for naught.

Some newcomers to the team thought i was a senior, until i told them "sorry, no, i'm a nobody".

it's so much easier to say "i dunno". but i can't do it. and so the internal struggle rages on.

Do you let the system change you? and be as jaded as the pple i despise? Do you not let the system change you but go on being foolish, naive and frustrated?

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it's times like these where the leader comes in.

a good leader inspires. he nurtures. his vision becomes the vision of his team.

if i was the leader, passiveness is not an option.
if i was the leader, i'd hold regular meetings so everyone can learn from everyone else and we don't reinvent the wheel.
if i was the leader, the mantra would be to uphold commitment to schedule.
if i was the leader, i'd sent pple to learn new skills so the dept grows.

No one in the department does programming except me.
And everytime there's some software to be done, an external vendor is paid to do it. Each project is worth a few thousand dollars.

Imagine the savings if we did programming in house.

but to do programming, or even to learn it, you need pple with reasonable brains. you need to hire the right pple.

i am so incredibly frustrated. the values of the dept do not align with any of the values i hold.
my inspiration has been completely drained away.

the light has dimmed. the fire is wavering.

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i'm not a fan of the foreign talent policy.
i'm really not.

and i'm not xenophobic.

i'm worked with pple from other countries who are brilliant. and if you're brilliant, race and country are entirely transparent. i don't care where you come from, i respect you.

but have you wondered how many of these talents are really talented?

i'm the only singaporean in my dept, save for the boss.

and i'm sad.
i'm sad that i see my brilliant friends like jingli and jiahao leaving singapore, and these are the "talents" we get to replace them.

obviously my sample size is too small and skewed. but while i support getting foreign talents like CEOs and stuff, in the middle class i have a feeling the policy is being exploited to bring in cheap labour.

i'm angry at the sheer ease they can get PR status.
i'm angry at how they can become singapore citizens, and then use that to migrate to USA.

it cheapens my citizenship.
it cheapens what it means to be a singaporean.

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i was slightly more upbeat yesterday as all 3 equipment are finally working.
i went to 4 different departments and sent emails to 3 different companies in the US in the course of a week to seek advice from experienced pple and experts.
Never say never.

I dropped by the lib yesterday, to randomly dig out books to calibrate myself, and in 3 minutes walked out with 2 books. Jack Welch's "Winning", and some book on "success rules for women".

The Jack Welch book turned out to be a very good one. (haven't started on the other one).

In it he describes situations exactly like what i'm having and says that "most pple do the foolish thing - quit".

He also says "Nothing gets you a new job faster than a great performance in the last one."

So that sums it up. I cannot change and lower my standards. If i change, i lose. Period.

There must be light at the end of the tunnel.

Not A Bad Week

Had time to spend on my pet project.
the program is almost working, just a few bugs here and there.
it's quite annoying that the server doesn't respond consistently.

for example when i send a msg like "how are you?",
it's supposed to reply "fine"
but once in a while it replies with a "you suck"
and then my program panics and crashes.

not a big deal i think,
just need a bit more work to handle crazy replies.
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Have been getting more familiar with Labview too.
Labview is a completely graphical form of programming.

so for example to do "x = 3",
you draw a variable box called "x" and a constant box called "3" and then draw a line to connect them.

and for looping, you draw a big box and then put in whatever you want to loop inside the box.

Everyone i know who uses Labview says it's very difficult to pick up in the beginning because it's quite a big paradigm shift from regular word programming like C to graphical programming.

But they all say once you get the hang of it, it's a lot easier that word programming.
"Just drag icons and draw wires! No need to study the language!"

i think i'm at the stage where there's so much more to learn but it's no longer intimidating.
Just last week i learnt how to make my labview program close on its own.
And on friday a Labview expert came and shared other tricks of the trade.
He was happy to talk so long as i allowed him to gobble my lemon flavored Fisherman's friend.

it's actually quite fun.
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Spend most of last week recovering from my sore throat and cough.
it's tough work fighting viruses and i was tired most of the time.

i'm 95% fit now.
self medicated with leftover cold tablets and panandol and lemon flavored fisherman's friend.
Fisherman's friend works for cough and constipation. even when you don't really have constipation.

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Had a good juggling session on Friday as i was happy that my program worked and i was finally fit and energetic again from fisherman's friend.

There's a German juggler that will be based here for the next 3 years.
he's mostly a contact juggler but he's very keen on performing so may be more exciting things to come.
He'll be back in October after getting his work permit stuff ironed out and this time he'll be back with his girlfriend who is a professional club swinging performer.

wow!

hopefully their presence would give the juggling performing scene a big boost.

And then as luck would have it we have a juggler from France as well.
This one's an exchange student and will only be here till end of the year.
but he's a club juggler so we are able to share more tricks with each other.

he has already taught me one new multiplex trick which will keep me busy for another few weeks.

In our midst is also a primary school girl from china who is learning diabolo tricks from one of the experts.
On Friday she asked me if i knew the "female juggler who wears headphones and juggles well".
i told her i'm not sure who's she's talking about.

and then i put on my headphones and started juggling and she went "oh it's you! I had a feeling you'd come back!"

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MJ msn-ed me yesterday about a great youtube video called "elegant universe part 1".
i ended up hooked onto it and only just finished all 3 parts of the video series.
it's quite interesting, especially for the physics enthusiasts.

it's about coming up with the theory of everything, and then it talks about string theory, and the 11 dimensions that results from string theory and parallel universes.

very informative. i'd love to have watch something like this as part of physics lessons.
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it's been a good week.
let's see what next week brings.