HMM..MUSINGS....

Topic for this week.
Dealing with a demanding customer - can handle
Dealing with a lot of work - can handle
Cannabalizing each other within the team --- i don't understand it.

at a logical level, i am baffled
at the emotional level, i am saddened and disappointed.

well no one has actually put me in a spot yet,
or if they have then i guess i haven't noticed.
but i've seem teammates put fellow teammates in a spot. why?

united we stand, divided we fall.
but i guess not everyone sees it that way.
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i chaired a meeting today, under strange circumstances.
Was on leave today and so my colleague stood in for me.
but it was a night meeting and i happened to be free so i joined in.
msg-ed my colleague to let him know i'll be in the meeting but i'll just listen.

sekali the chairperson of the meeting had problems calling in.
we had to keep the meeting moving so unwittingly i took over the chairperson role since i was the most outspoken.

kind of funny cos i didn't have the minutes/agenda with me since i was on leave,
i don't think they noticed.
you just sort of guess what Action Item XX is by listening to the discussion.

-------------------------
so another team-mate bites the dust.
can't blame her,
you get punched externally and arrowed internally, it's tough.

sometimes you forget who you become.
someone i know has such a different persona at work and outside work.
I guess you get moulded by the environment you're in.

Mom says it's politics.
it's common, and "you're new so you don't know".

what about "i know but i have no interest nor necessity to engage it"

i don't think it's common human behaviour
in Alabama, life was simpler and sure there were some politics here and there but pple were definitely more civil.

That is the legacy of HSV.
There can be love and trust and genorosity even among strangers.

so i don't agree mom.
being mean is not an inevitable part of working life.
-----------------------------------

and then there is the legacy of GB.
the wonderwoman of HSV.
the leader who held the team together over there on this project.

i learnt quite a lot just observing her.
how she conducts meetings, talks to customers, organizes her work.
her tone, her posture, her subtle "i'm nice if you're nice but mess with me and i'll give you hell"

there's a definite difference between american and local culture for meetings.
Theirs is all about communication and expression.
The locals don't talk that much, and when we don't the americans assume we don't know what we're doing. so kana tekan like hell.

"that GB is very good ah"
"yeah, so you know what we should do. listen to how she speaks, learn the style, and then use it. speak with confidence and assertiveness, offer to find out what you don't know, and overall just sound like you know what you're doing and everything's under control."
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united we stand.
if only everyone looks out for and helps each other,
everything will fall into place.
demanding customer and overloaded work? Bah.

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Good Weekend!

keeling over from fatigue
but since it's been a near perfect weekend so far
i should blog!

Stayed at work till 10.30 yesterday
successfully converted yet another program from Unix to Windows environment.
yay!

came home, got a good sleep,
and woke up to an excellent brunch.
parents went to bendemeer market where the food is simply heavenly and ta-pao-ed home.
slurp.
suggested to mom that she should do this every sat.
not only did she decline, she began a lecture on the merits of losing weight.

Went for juggling after,
where for the first time in weeks,
my finger webs did not painfully crack from juggling.
yipee!
the secret to juggling is moisturizer!
i would slap on tons of moisturizer after every 5 rounds,
bet pple thought i'm some sort of tai tai

without struggling with painful fingers,
it was a great juggling session!
one of the inspired ones where everything goes.
5 clubs felt different,
think i've reached a milestone where it's beginning to feel natural.
still long way to go,
but that "click" in the brain and the change in perception sure made my day!

came home to a pretty good dinner,
thanks to the bendemeer market.

good food good juggling good rest good day of work = perfect day!

-------------------------------

meetings with my project teammates at work are acutally quite fun
it's morbid humor that stems from resignation that we're all in constant deep shit

part of my sea god plan is to keep morale high at work
i think it helps
in fact i look so happy the others think i'm very free and have nothing to do

passion. drive. legacy.

it's a fantastic weekend!
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Emptiness

as abruptly as it began,
it is now over.

the light that came has to leave,
that is the nature of things.

i will miss the quirkiness and friendliness of the Tokidoki Jido
i will remain floored by their originality and creativity

goodbye my friends
i hope to see you again someday

finally i see,
the light that you speak of so assuredly.
the comfort of light peeking out from a door left ajar,
the comfort of your world you so kindly let me peek into.
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Here's an email to a friend overseas,
who asked what the hell i was up to these days.

~~
the japanese group does experimental theatre, which means nobody quite understands what they're doing. After watching them 4 times (2 full rehearsals and 2 performances), it's starting to grow on me though. it really is a nice piece of work and extremely original.

i was one of about 30 volunteer performers. and over one week they taught us dance and some quirky voice performance thing. during the performance we're "planted" in the audience and during our parts we'll rush out to do our thing.

it was really nice jetting from work to the esplanade for rehearsals. it's like being in 2 worlds you know? there's science and technology at work, and then suddenly at night it's dance and making weird sounds. the jap group was really nice and i was comfy with the other volunteers cos we're all a little weird and loud,...memories memories...sigh...

now looking around to see what other things i can stick my butt into. but although mentally i enjoyed this balancing act, physically it's a huge strain cos i hardly get any sleep and there's no time to do things i could have done better.

it's a strange feeling. to be tired but still so fresh and excited mentally.
~~

--------------------------

I think i finally understood what Lightology is about.
of course maybe i have misinterpreted it, but that's art isn't it. interpret it the way you want.

The director says his inspiration for this work is from his brother,
who was a painter and professor and one day had a nervous breakdown.
he couldn't paint anymore, and he wouldn't speak to anyone, till this day.

The director crafted this work hoping his brother will recover one day,
with the light and positive energy generated from this work.

then it all begins to make sense.

Lightology actually contains a lot of morbid and dark elements.
it doesn't shock, in fact they're beautifully done in the form of dance and imagery.

there're a couple of scenes of a couple fighting but in dance forms.
energetic, sharp and yet smoothly done.

there's the use of aluminium foils to create very sharp painful sounds,
which were used to create sounds of thunder and bullet shots too i felt.

there's a protaganist,
who laments about "mei mei jumping off the 7th floor and breaking her leg."
"she is such a pain, mei mei"

bits and pieces of one liners that stuck with me among the monologue.
"i wake up in the morning and wonder who i am."
"i am sick"
"mei mei and i discussed about going on a diving trip, where we will dive so deep no light can reach us. Stupid, mei mei."
"why do you have to jump off from above my laboratory. now i can't paint anymore. i am put in a difficult position, in the professor's conference"

all these combined with video images and a haunting soloist in the background...
marvellous.

there're original compositions not unlike a rock concert...
titled "your Brain is 30W" and a "100 flashlights"

there's a short skit for comic effect i guess. (and it was pretty funny).

there's an interview with a blind man describing his sculptures and how he sees light.
and the beautiful use of UV light to make little moving strips glow.

Excellent use of drumming as well,
and the unforgetable scene of 3 pple behind the screen struggling against something.
reflections of internal struggle?
or does it represent the struggle against conformity?
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i need to find something to nourish my soul.
i need pple to inspire me.

there is much beauty out there.
if we would just open our eyes to it.

~~
my art is not a commodity.
things that do not sell are not commodities.
i sell the art of being an artist.
An artist is all about courage.
~~

i'm gonna suffer from post-Toki syndrome soon.

the mind is willing but the flesh is weak.
so many things to do,
and so little time.
so many things to do,
and so little energy.

will get some time to rest and regroup,
but for now,
the very last show for Toki.
the last day of collaboration.

~~
yes, i am the aviator.
i fly among the stars in the sky.
i fly among the stars in the ground.

i am the creator, i am the destroyer.
see?
i am looking for the light.
no, i am the light.
and i can bring this light to the world.
~~

Thank You for The Light

~~
With light, comes hope.

Dance and music merge with visual arts and projection for this multi-media exploration on the conflict between despair and hope.

Tokidoki-Jido, one of the pioneers of Performance Theatre in Japan, blurs the lines of artistic ownership between creator and audience by involving local volunteer performers in Lightology.
~~

our 3 day workshop aka boot camp just ended yesterday.
we've all been "trained", this week will be real rehearsals.

The collaboration between Jido and the volunteers make no logical sense.
From jido's point of view, they're making lives harder for themselves by including volunteers, and having to train everyone from scratch everytime they hold a performance.
From the volunteer's point of view, you wonder why anyone would want to spend up to 9 hours a day rehearsing for free and no apparant reward.

but what a ride it has been.
my energy level is going lower by the day,
but mentally it's so refreshing,
like i'm living in another world.

felt so weird to go back to work today after 2 days and 3 nights spent at the rehearsal studio.
like i'm there but not really there.

-------------------------------------------

Ask me what Ligthology is about
and i'll say 'i dun know'.
I didn't know before,
and i still don't know!
haha!
but that's the exact reason why i was attracted to the show.

the power of serendipity.
i remember walking past the poster while walking to the esplanade food court with MJ and KL,
the title "Lightology" caught my eye and after reading the poster description,
(i made the guys walk the long way back so i can read the poster!)
i knew immediately i wanted to catch the show no matter what.

one thing led to another and suddenly I'M in the show!

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the group of volunteers are mostly made of young (mostly poly age) pple.
and most have backgrounds in dance or drama or some other performance thing.
in short, we're all young voyeurs.

so there's raw energy,
and there's pure enthusiasm to do anything, especially quirky things.

some of the things that jido made us to,
like make weird noises,
can only come alive with a crowd that is willing and not shy.

initally we were all self conscious and apprehensive,
but after a while it's all hell break loose.
and what a beautiful choir we made out of noise.

yesterday we did our final exercises on it,
and when i think of how we began and how far we've come,
it's just pure genius
the synergy between jido and a group of young pple willing to take on anything.

----------------------------------------

Jido impressed me with their creativity and quirkiness.
some of their ideas are original and they're not afraid to just do it.
and they get it done well too.

the director is a 58 year old guy with pure white hair.
but he catches inspiration so quick,
it's inspiring just to watch him.

the noise excercise thing he made us do borders on split second imagination from each of us.
it's like i make u a random hand gesture and u make the first sound u think of.
in fact, don't even think, just make a sound, the more original the better.

so there's so much creative energy in the air,
i make a gesture thinking of one sound and u make one totally random and out of my expectation.
so it keeps the mind active and excited cos there's so much randomness.

it's magic.

yesterday one of the girls in my group started tap-dancing.
i burst out laughing uncontrollably watching her dance cos none of us expected her to move (we were making noises, not moves..), much less do some cheem cheem tap dance.
it was so funny.

been some time since i laughed so whole-heartedly on impulse.
(no wait, i just did that at KTV with weips last week)

and i think it is this raw energy and creativity that the director loves abt the volunteering segments.
Probably every volunteer session gives him something exciting and new he has not seen before.

the director himself plucks magic from the air.
you can see him thinking for 2 sec abt how to string all the things together,
and then "ta-ta-ta-tatatata" he'll know exactly what he wants the sequence to be.

-----------------------------------

I'm gonna juggle during the pre-show!
yee-ha!

haha.

see the Jido guys saw me juggle so much,
(before rehearsal, i juggle at the underpass and they bump into me while walking from the hotel.
during break, i juggle.
after rehearsal, i juggle at the underpass and they bump into me while walking back to the hotel)

they opened up the pre-show segment to anyone who wants to perform!

so at first the director asked who wants to perform (besides the juggler)
and only one hand shot up, a professional lady dancer.
as usual, everyone was shy abt performing solo and someone asked for time to think abt it.

"ok", the director said," let's do this. After rehearsal, those who want to perform, stay and leave your name"

so, so far they only have 2 items for a 20 minute slot.

after the rehearsal, suddenly more and more pple came to sign up.

it really was a pleasant surprise cos the typical reaction is pple are shy to perform.

but what can i say, we're all voyeurs.

even more inspiring and surprising is how they merge talents so easily.

one chinese sitar player tag-teamed with an indian and they're performing together.
a pair of sweet pretty eurasian twins are going to sing.
a guy and a girl who only just got to know each other are gonna sing a duet.
2 dancers also came together to collaborate.
there's lindy hop.

(there're also lots of drama pple and 2 magicians but they're not performing. also at least one film-maker, 2 photographers and an architect-turned-magazine-columnist.)

it's amazing how diverse and talented the group is.
very gung ho.

during breaks,
there might be a group formed somewhere trying to learn indian dance,
or i might be holding a 3 ball workshop,
or someone will be teaching dance.

it's a bubble world!

---------------------------------------------

"Lightology is a multi-disciplinary work that attempts, in unusual ways, to transform human despair and sorrow into hope and pleasure. "

even though the show defies categorization,
(it's dance, multimedia, special effects, a rock concert, drama, experimental...)
the philosophy and core of the lightology project is clear.

"we want to harness all the happiness of the pple present to help pple out there who are in despair."

it's a little like Zen/buddhism,
where you mediatate and concentrate on generating positive energy and then dedicate it to anyone out there who is suffering.

and i think all the events, no matter how weird they are, revolve around that theme.
of happiness and light overcoming darkness and despair.

isn't it so wow?
------------------------------------------

we keep bumping into the perplexed cast of West Side Story backstage.
they'd stare at the never-ending line of young boys and girls and inevitably blurt out good-naturedly "who ARE these people?"

i'm not a fan of the show, but man, the cast is gorgeous.

anyway,
the other perk of volunteering is being able to walk backstage.
"it looks just like a hospital...corridors and doors everywhere."
"yah hor, now that you mentioned it."

the view from the rehearsal studio is breath-taking.
i look forward to checking out the theatre studio.

so this is what it feels like to be a performer.
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thank you for the magic Tokidoki Jido.

Moving At The Speed Of Light

it's 2am and i'm blogging instead of sleeping.
i just know i'm gonna regret this and kick myself in the morning.

well now's a good time to blog as ever.
never seem to be free to feed my online journal.

This week and the next two weeks will be days of late nights.
days of late nights...that sounds pretty good.

the last 3 days have been devoted to late night work.
was debugging a program and i hate leaving without solving the problem at hand,
it feels like i wasted the whole night.
so i'll stay until i solve it.

optimism helps a lot.
on monday at 6pm, i told myself "this time it'll work!"
at 11pm, i was still "this time it'll work!"
even the auntie ("i not auntie, call me da-jie") using the next machine was like
"go home la...tmrw then do la..."
"no no..can one. this time can one."
"eh? fail again."
"shit."

i managed to debug the program in the end,
making me a physically tired but very satisfied engineer.

MJ says this only happens to jugglers.
Persistence and determination and optimism...the curse of juggling.
that's why if i'm in HR, i'll happily hire serious jugglers for the company.
---------------------------
Just went to watch Kumar today!
finally fulfilled part of the Boom Boom ambitions,
which is really just to go catch kumar before he retires.
Boom boom closed so i never got to see how it's like,
but who cares, kumar is the bomb!

he was really funny and totally polished,
great stuff, well worth the wait.
there was a live band before he came on,
and their last song was dedicated to Kumar.
i have no idea what song it is, but the chorus is
"kumar, kumar, who the fuck is kumar"

and the band got the crowd chanting that.
it was funny.

and then kumar came on and dissed them back in true diva fashion by saying they all look like taxi drivers and they should change the band name to "Comfort".

haha, classic, cos they really look like taxi drivers.
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MJ did a fantastic routine for the "open mic".
i loved the music he used, it just all came together, the lights, his skills, the music, and it really was very pretty.
even though i already knew what contact juggling was i was still mesmerized at the first part of his routine.

two thumbs up.

he didn't win in the end, which is just as well cos the first prize is a phallic trophy that is shaped to look exactly like a male body part.

Not something you want to carry onto the bus i'd say.

"that could have been your 5th club, MJ"
"we'll come back for the next few sessions. we just need to win 3 times and we can juggle them"
------------------------------
went with weips, MJ and siyong to ktv last thursday.
it was a blast as usual.

weips and i did a duet where she screamed into the mic (to drown out a woman next door) and i did the timid version. The effect was hilarious, i could hardly stop laughing.

one of the KTV videos showed a Britney lookalike model getting tatooed. somehow the video got
more and more raunchy and 4 of us just sat there watching until weips stated the obvious, "we're watching porn!"
"Britney.....!!....."

we finally coaxed MJ into singing and found that he has a low deep voice.
"4 of us can form a capella! we have high, low, and...."
"i'm Dido."
"and Dido."
"i only have 2 modes. Dido, and not Dido."

so we went about choosing low, slow songs for MJ (moon river would have been perfect!),
but somehow he ended up with songs like Macarena and eneniem. (wrong spelling i know)
"oh my god he sounds just like Eneniemm!"
"he's an eneniem and we just made him sing Macarena!"
"poor thing all he wants is a slow song and we give him rap!"
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my life now is fast forwarded x 4 compared to life last year.
besides more work, thankfully it's also because there're more social commitments and the juggleress in me also demands attention, so more things to do.

it's quite scary when life moves so fast,
it's easy to forget where you're heading.
sunday gone and then sunday here again,
where did all the time go...
it's pretty neat though.

the next two weeks will be jam packed with rehearsals,
it looks daunting but i'm sure it'd be fun.
---------------------------------------------
3 buzzwords.
passion. drive. legacy.
ji qing. dong li. and , erm, lei ke xi.