Reading Insurance Junk in the Dead of the Night


i'm up at 5am reading and trying to understand shit like this:

"This limit is the most the insurer must pay for the sum of all damages under Coverage A—bodily injury and property damage and Coverage C—medical payments. Although a separate aggregate limit applies to products-completed operations claims and those claims for bodily injury and property damage that do not arise of out the products-completed operations hazard, the each occurrence limit does apply to all sums paid under Coverage A."

up at 5am because:
I napped from 4pm to midnight.
woke up temporarily in total darkness and thought i had a blackout again.
took a few minutes to realised i had to switch on the lights for the lights to be on.

reading junk because:

chinese bosses trying to renew their business insurance.
they took out their official insurance papers and asked if i understood it.
all they needed to know was the answer to one simple question:
'in the event a group of 4 pple get food poisoning, how much coverage does the policy give?'

i flipped through the pile of papers and all they had were terminologies, dollar signs and crap.
i couldn't even find the phone number of the insurance agent.

so anyway, they gave me the pile of papers and asked if i can call the agent and get the answer to the simple question.
Suspecting that talking to the agent (managed to google for his phone number) will give me more headaches than answers to the one simple question,

i decided to look for answers online.

tamade.
$#$%$(*(^*&%^$

like my law professor used to say
"why do they make legal statements so complicated? they try to cover everything and add in all the 'hereby' and 'thereafter' until no one understands what's going on anymore. i say keep it simple!"

they make it so blardy convulated.
i have 6 big terms to understand.
managed to get 2 of them down pat.
the other 4 is more kana sai because they're inter-related.
claiming for one affects the claim for another but sometimes can claim for two

shit stuff

doesn't help that i'm doing this at 5am, dazed and bleary
-------------------------------------

that's why a good agent is critical, i guess
to explain all these junk in laymen's terms and make them easier to understand
if i had the time to go through all these junk i'd be an agent myself
then again beware that some agents are just winging it

i've met a couple of agents
and they keep giving me the cheat sheet questionaires to do
i think i ask very tough questions
not because i'm trying to be ngiao
but because i'm genuinely interested to know what's happening so i can have some hand in the decision making process

the analogy i gave to one of the agents, so she doesn't think i'm undermining her role, was:

"it's like going to the doctor. ultimately he has the experience and theoretical expertise, so i'll listen to him. but i'll also want to read up and know abt my illness as much as i can, so i can have an idea of what he's basing his decision on, and ask questions if i have any.

you're the agent and so you're the expert here. i'm asking all these questions not because i want to be difficult, but because i don't know much abt this field and i want to know what's happening."

by asking questions, probing deeper and deeper into the issue
you can tell if the agent really knows his stuff or just anyhow hantam one
usually i'll feel quite bad cos i'm not trying to burst their ego or anything
and make the whole situation awkward
i just want to know, that's all

so the cheat sheet questionaire is great
for pple who want the agent to handle everything for them
just fill in the cheat sheet and they come up with a nice plan for you
you don't need to think, don't need to be stressed
i can see the appeal of that

but just as the doctor handles my health
the agent handles my money
so i want to have a more active role in it
everyone makes mistakes, even experts
and i hesitate to call every agent a financial expert
--------------------------------

Many of us in the juggling group have backgrounds in engineering or computer science and stuff
and some of them have dabbled at being insurance agents at one point or other
so i remember one of those times we were taking a juggling break and sitting around and one of them was trying to explain insurance policies to us
He was very analytical himself (which i think is probably why he found it hard to reach to the masses)
and we were all there crunching numbers and drawing pie charts and debating where the company gets its profits from

"why do you need to know how the company gets profits?"
"because it will not do business at a loss. so it's squeezing money from me somewhere, and rightfully so. if i know where, then i know how much. i don't mind paying for the service, but i want to know how much i'm paying."

so we kept calculating numbers
until Willy quipped from the background,
"and that's why they say, don't sell insurance to engineers. they ask too much and like to see numbers. For many pple, if you start explaining numbers in detail, they get switched off."


i'm looking for pple who can explain this junk in layman's terms but with details
i don't want a cheat sheet questionaire to blanket everything
haven't found one yet
someone should plug this shortage in the market

back to reading more junk.
i'm not annoyed i have to read this, i'm annoyed they make it so incomprehensible.

Warmth On A Cold Day

it wasn't that cold in the day
so i left the jacket home
and bounced around in my t-shit and pants
towards the night the temperature dropped to 8 degree celsius
freaking cold
strangers were asking where my jacket was
i either look like a poor shivering girl or a shivering dumbass

the restaurant was pretty crowded today
it was alright, thought i begun to feel the effect of work fatigue after a few hours

went shopping in the halloween shops again
ah the bliss
it's pretty weird how they celebrate the grotesque here
can't imagine my parents buying a life size skeleton home to hang on the front door

or dressing us kids up in realistic frankenstein suits and masks

all the feng shui gone in a flash

i had fun shopping though
so many things i wanted buy
had to constantly remind myself that i'm spending too much money buying things that are practically worthless
i came away with an afro wig, a cloak, skeleton gloves and M&Ms.
the afro wig is a gem
told Weips i bought a deluxe invisble mask last week

"you bought an invisible mask? is that a nice way of saying you didn't buy anything?"
"invisble mask means a mask to make me invisible. not a mask that is invisible! and hey, it's not any invisible mask. it's a DELUXE invisible mask."

stopped by the bookstore on the way to the grocery store.
spent hours reading a book on how a group of MIT students earned millions beating the casinos on blackjack, based on probability theories.
the book is an amazing read.

dropped by the chinese restaurant again to chit chat and have dinner before heading home.

-----------------------------

in 2 weeks time, i'd have spent a year in alabama.
the countdown will soon begin, if it hasn't already
i'm smelling the roses more
watching the trees with a bit more attention
(we have foliage here too)
trying to capture mentally as much as i can before it'll all soon be gone

the mundane will no longer exist
i will no longer drive in my dusty car with the cracked headlight mocking me
i will no longer stumble bleary eyed into the office and meeting rooms i now know
no more horrible american food in the cafeteria
no more working with this bunch of yoyos
no more chinese restaurant to hang around in on sundays
no grocery shopping
no halloween shopping
no time for myself

it was a similar feeling before leaving singapore
was busy meeting with almost everyone before i left and collecting photos and video clips to bring with me
it was nice meeting up knowing that it'd be a long time before we meet again
i can't take things for granted anymore

but at least i know i'll be back
a year or so really isn't that long
now it's not really the same
i'm not sure if i'll ever come back here
goodbye never felt so infinite

GB said i'll have to juggle for them on my farewell party
i bet my last day of work will be hard to handle
i hope the chinese bosses will be able to employ someone to help them on busy days
i hope the South never loses its charm

it's hard to say goodbye

I Love My Job

this is the first real free weekend i've had in a month
not that i worked through all of them
the first 2 weekends were spent in boston
but vacations are not restful
they're interesting, but you run around sightseeing so much you don't get much rest

woke up today suddenly feeling so free and lost
that's not a good sign

left the office at midnight yesterday
i thought the place was open 24 hours but i thought wrong
the main gate was shut and i had to wait for the guard to finish making his rounds and come back
i was probably the only one left there besides the janitors and the guard

i think i overdid it
will not stay so late again
even i was mildly embarassed shooting off emails to pple at midnight

didn't really mind staying late on friday since i can sleep in on sat
and boy did i keel over once i got home
near the end of the day it was clear all 4 of us were dazed
eyes bleary and staring into space
someone will say something and the other will go "what? can you say that again. slowly. i'm not thinking straight anymore"

we were trying to solve one of the problems bogging us the whole night
i harmlessly commented that the feedback was that machine has always been the worst one
AH suddenly brightened up.
"i know what's wrong! you have just solved it!"
"what did i say?"
"you just solved it and you didn't even know it! it's the yvo effect!"

4 of us went out for dinner before heading back to finish the work up
"3 glasses of tea and one cup of hot water. i brought my own tea," AH ordered.
the waitress gave him a weird look.
"i'm not joking!", AH said, "here's my can of tea. smell it. it's very good tea."

After dinner, AH drove and ran over the curb.
"AH, is there alcohol in your special tea? i think you're drunk!" we ribbed him.
"i don't need alcohol to be drunk."

can't say i didn't enjoy the midnight drive home yesterday
and seeing the place all dark and shut down for the first time
but when you're overzealous it's quite strange
like what's wrong with her?
so i should step back a bit
and be normal
----------------------------------

was telling F this is the best weather for juggling
but by the time i'm done with all these overtime the good weather will be gone

AH and i had a pretty heated debate yesterday
it was a clash of ideas and i knew what he was saying but i can't get him to see and consider what i was pointing out
it felt a lot like talking to my dad
i was already feeling tired from the long week and after that i was thinking what's the point.
it's too tiring trying to persuade everyone
"the customer is always right"
so we usually don't push so hard and just let it be until they work out the bugs themselves over time.
i'd hate to give up though
but i can't piss the customers off
so i guess i'll gently push perioducally without stepping over the line

the best part of the debate was that AH is a reasonable person, albeit a bit stubborn
and even though he was passionately defending his views
voice and face getting more pissed by the minute
when he saw i was backing off
he would encourage me by going "just say what you feel. don't be nice. if you feel you're right, tell me abt it. push for your point."

it was a logical battle
with emotions added in because we felt so strongly abt our own veiws
but ultimately it was a logical debate
he is not the kind who will blindly insist he is right no matter what
prove it to him that he is mistaken and he will accept it
same for me
that's what made it quite fun i think
both of us constantly trying to find ways and data to convince the other
--------------------------------------------

AH and i get along very well in a mentorly sort of way
he used to teach in college because he "likes interacting and teaching young pple"
and i'll lap up all the theories behind the product design eagerly
it's the miraculous creation of something from nothing

AH said last week he was in the hotel room late at night and tired from work
but once he saw my email to the team he hit the roof in rage
he shot back an email saying "i don't know who agrees with you, i CERTAINLY NOT!"
it's quite paisei but also quite funny if you know the cranky ways of AH
over here we were like "oh oh, he's gonna come in next week face all red with rage"

before he left AH said "if you want me to come here again, just shoot another email to the team saying i disagree and they'll send me in on the next available flight".

he showed me pictures of his visit to singapore

"the singapore office gave me a badge that says 'VIP'. they even displayed my name in the lobby saying singapore welcomes me. only in alabama, they treat me like dirt," AH smiled.

"yeah we try our best to do that", master archer guffawed, "next time we'll give you a burger king crown"

GB was telling us AH wore something that resembled the uniforms of the temporary workers in our company. She had to inform the supervisor that AH is our customer and not a temp worker so "don't scream at him to get off his butt and start working".

-------------------------------------

there're so many colorful personalities around.
there's "john in excited mode" spitting his words out at machine gun speed
there's AH who is very wise and quite funny but slightly cranky with age
there's CL who is the sharpest logical thinker i've seen by far. but he gets too passionate he comes across as obnoxious and rude.
there's "is it because i am a nice guy so no one listens to me" mike who is long winded but is a true blue ethical engineer
there's "i'm just a simple country boy" FJ
there's CC with all his strange quotes. "if he does that i may consider being friends with him"
"i don't want kids but when i date women with no kids i wonder what's wrong with them."


A line from my report:
"I am fortunate to be working with good teams on this project and it’s been challenging at times but mostly enriching and with good humor attached."

i love my job. for now.

Workaholism Alert

whoa....just got home at 11pm.
like F tells me, it's starting to feel like i'm working in singapore!

i'm gonna miss driving home
it relaxes me
to cruise in the wind, radio blasting
i'm gonna miss just working here
starting to feel like i'm part of the family

we had fun yesterday
just teasing each other
GB has very kindly passed around the "she said AH is cute" rumor
so everyone's been teasing me abt it
even my manager was like "oh AH is coming? that's yvo's fav customer isn't it"
and whenever we joke abt AH, they'd be like "better ask yvo's permission first"

i was telling master archer all the old men are gonna start giving me funny looks and their phone numbers
"psst, that's the girl who likes old men.."

we stayed late (again) last night to finish a group report
the whole group is in pretty deep shit
but we're all trying hard to shovel the shit off and get out of the hole
when the team is huge (4 companies involved) it takes a while for news to filter through
and it takes an emergency for everyone to sit up

anyway master archer and i created a spoof report and sent it to GB
it was really funny
it cracks me up just thinking abt it

W was with a customer yesterday and asked to borrow a pen
i whipped out the pen with the fur-ball
i thought it was pretty funny to whip out a pen with fur ball at the end
he just gave me a resigned look and reluctantly took the pen and jotted down points from the customer
all the while shooting me grudging looks while i laughed at the side

---------------------------------------

yesterday wasn't the best of days
master archer, in his usual myopic ways, decided to push his workload to some other party
it was an assignment that was very tedious
and usually i was the one who did it
i wasn't expecting it to get as huge as it got
and obviously the manual way wasn't the smartest way to go
my view is to be creative and think of an easier way, like make some program to lighten the work
or if i can fit in my schedule i'll do as much as i can
or we can pass the work to another team
but at the end of the day look at the options and choose the ones with the least disruption
master archer's solution is simple
push it to the other team. full stop.
it is obviously the option where he doesn't have to do anything.

when i first started i used to hang around in the other team a lot
and i saw how they worked
and their inconveniences. there were lot of procedures to follow that were tedious and inefficient.

i didn't want to just throw the burden at them and add on to the inefficiency
if there's no other way we'll do that but let's explore the options first
i got overruled.
---------------------

and that's why big companies get inefficient.
the more pple there are in the company the more personalities you get
and many just put themselves before the company
they do things to cover themselves without looking at the big picture

i know to the company i'm just a statistic and a body-in-a-chair
ultimately i'm working to add value to myself
to see and learn new things
both technical knowledge and management styles
it just feels more meaningful i guess, to see that i'm helping the hand that feeds me

dedication shows
i've never really doubted that
the best is to be dedicated and be outspoken so that pple know
(from a management bk: " if no one knows what you're doing, you're doing nothing")
but even without being outspoken, you can tell when pple are dedicated

master archer is not dedicated but he craps a lot so he can cover himself
i'm not sure if i'm the only one who can tell that he is the weak link
i can see how issues just go round and round without getting resolved with him in charge
because he keeps pushing responsibilites away

dedication earns respect
i respect GB and FJ
i would go the extra mile to get things done for them because i know they would do the same if they could
GB got onto the program even later than i did
(the program was often in deep shit so pple keep getting fired)
and like FJ pointed out, we never saw the previous leader stay around as late as she does
she is dynamic and funny too
so it's just a lot more fun
impt lessons in leadership

at the end of the day
if you know a lot or are willing to learn in order to know a lot
and you're proactive and dedicated in getting issues resolved
it shows
don't have to be superman, just do what you can

hell if you're gonna spend half your life working, might as well have fun and satisfaction doing it
---------------------------------------

the good news is i don't think i have to work this weekend
the bad news is tmrw will be another come-home-at-midnight day

Mission Accomplished!

Finished my report!
wasn't as painful as i thought
i think i was imagining the other long long one i had to write for another party
this one is relatively simple to write

so in one night i finished one report and 2 blog posts!
that's not bad at all!
waiting for my laundry so i'm back on blogoworld

writing the report on my progress for the past months put me back into the reflective mood
started recalling incidences here and the pple here
one day i'll write a tribute to alabama
how it all began, how it was so painful at first, and then..things just worked out

how i learnt to drive here
with the instructor who keeps slapping my shoulder
how i nearly drove us onto the grass patch
how i drove 80kmph and he told me only old ladies drive so slow
how upset i was at failing the first driving test

how i survived without a car
so my manager drove me to and fro work everyday
how grocery shopping could only take place on weekends
because the grocery shop is 30 min walk away and by the time i ended work on weekdays it was too dark to walk safely
so every trip to the grocery shop required planning
what i needed to buy for the week, whether i could afford it (was surviving on cash before they took weeks to clear the paperwork for my bank account), and how to carry it back

taking a 30 min stroll there was not a problem, even though it can get bitterly cold in winter
walking back with the milk and bread and stuff was often painful because they're so blardy heavy
thank god for my mp3 player

the hardest trip was the one with the toilet paper
24 roll pack i think
blardy heavy
and need to carry at an angle otherwise will drag on the floor

how every 3 months i try to do something drastic to keep me excited
first get the license
then get the car
then move to another apartment
then return to singapore
then go to boston
and soon, vegas
-----------------------------------

Have been working closely with master archer and GB in recent weeks
I like GB, she's handling a lot of pressure while still maintaining her composure and sanity
i'm not so impressed by master archer but he is actually very funny as a person
both of them are quite funny when they converse

"the situation with this product is, we are filling them with stuff and it...how shall i put it, goobs out from the side. Goobs. that's a non-technical term."

"i realise that. that's fine, that works for me."

------
Master archer told me how when AH was there last week (and i was at boston), he was swearing away in frustration at the problematic machines. AH has a foreign accent and master archer was imitating how he swore. it's damn funny.
---------
CC was telling me how when AH was there, he insisted that they do things a certain way. then the following week when another engineer came he said to do things the opposite way.

"you should have seen AH. he was going red in the face telling us to do it this way. and now this guy says don't do it this way. Gosh not only do their identical machines work different, even their engineers work different. i wish they'd all come the same."
-------------

GB told us how on the week i was on vacation at boston, master archer fell sick on one of the days and she needed some engineering work done in the project. so she went to our boss.

"so J said he could do it, and i'm like that's great. but in trying to upgrade the machine, he locked everyone out of the machine. W came to me and said 'G, you don't want to know what just happened' and i'm like 'yeah i really don't need anymore bad news!'"

-----------------------

sometimes we have to remind GB to breathe. like the time she was so pissed off when an urgent shipment got sent to another state up north.

"now why the hell would they ignore the address on the box and send it to where they like up north? so i told them they f**ked up and to get my package here immediately! and guess what? this morning i checked and they said it was on a truck! they're gonna drive it here! i'm like 'get my f**king package on the plane and get it here right now!

the girl i was talking to obviously didn't know what she was talking abt, so i asked to speak to someone higher up. and she said 'i'm as high as you can get'. i tell you i can just wring their necks off!!!"

(looks around to see the team staring at her)

"breathe GB, breathe." i reminded her.
"yeah i'm ok, just needed to rant. sorry honey, shouldn't have swore."
"hey no problem. next time you need to rant, just gather the team again. that's what we're here for" master archer said.
-----------------------------

time to sleep.
early morning meeting tmrw. again.

It doesn't Rain, It freakin pours!!!

stress stress stress!!!
usually when customers come by, we're quite stressed and work till late
but normally they'll only stay for a few days
so just pia for a few days and there'll be some space to breathe

now the customers are coming non stop
they're taking turns to come!
when one leaves one arrives!!
on the same day!!

and now they're staying through the weekends as well
i'm so not a morning person and every morning i wake up counting down to the weekends where i can sleep in
(waking up is the most horrible part..after that in the office i'd be fine)
it's distressing that i have nothing to count down to anymore

it's not that bad
i just need to rant
i'm mentally excited that the project is progressing
but if i'm a Sim in Sim City
i can see my energy bar getting lower each day

want the next kicker?

today received an email saying they need to process my report urgently.
so i need to write one now!!!!!

ARGHGGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGGHGHGH.

feel quite bad that l left the customer with master archer and left earlier
(earlier, not EARLY)
getting down to starting my report

it just doesn't drizzle no more...it pours.....

GB and master archer keep teasing me abt my morning state
when i'll stumble into the 7.30 am meetings bleary eyed and grumpy.
and i'm getting teased abt hanging around W so much
the word around is if you need to find me, just find W. and vice versa.

i told GB that the customer AH is very cute.
i meant cute in a cartoon way, since he's very amusing.
he has the demeanour of an absent minded professor (and he did used to be a professor).
in the middle of the conference call he'll suddenly shout "HELLO HELLOW??" cos his phone is faulty. so he can't hear anyone but we can all hear him shouting loud and clear.
He's very cute in a funny way.
anyway GB thought i meant cute in a hunky way
so when she finally got to meet him and her hunky impression went poof!, she stormed back to me and said "SO, you like OLD MEN don't you?"
and now they won't stop teasing me abt me and old men.

oh well
the hustle and bustle is quite fun actually
you get to be very comfy with the pple in the team cos we hang around together so much
i'm even getting comfy with the team members of the customer
it's cool
it's stressful when things need to be done urgently but it can be fun as well when we poke fun of each other

ok back to stress...
REPORT REPORT REPORT!!!!
#$#%$^%^&%^#%

Moments of Reflection

it was a better than normal day today
i'm excited again

went shopping just now and came back with a
"deluxe invisible mask"
it's so cool!
i love the halloween season
there're so many weird things on sale!

also saw some skeleton costumes and even a headless costume
but that's abt 60 bucks
kind of expensive for something you can't wear out all the time
but how do you tag a price to something as unique as that

i bought 4 marabou pens for 1 dollar
it's just a cheapo pen with a ball of fur at the end
i'm gonna use them at work
can imagine myself in a meeting with the customers and managers and jotting down notes with my pen and ball of fur waving abt in the air
it'd be such a blast
these are the kinds of "branded" pens i want to use

i told W abt wanting to join the clown club (haven't had the chance to call them yet)
He said i should paint my face and dress like a clown one day and take a photo
then send it to the customers with the caption
"this is the engineer working on your project"

the laughing-buddha letter-holder W gave me is sitting on my desk
it cracks me up everytime i look at it
i really like it
have been trying to find a laughing buddha statue for some time
to remind myself the beauty of simplicity and happiness
but most of the statues i found are those jade kinds
that look very gawdy
this one is very nice!
it's one of those things you can't help smiling when you look at it :)
-----------------------------------------

A Little Insight to My Mini Soul

During one of our many talks
jialu asked "weren't you searching for a religion at some point? what happened to that?"
and i remembered my religion searching adventure

i think it was at the age of 18
that i got my first where-do-i-go-from-here crisis
cos it was at the junction where you sort of have to decide what occupation to go into so you can take the appropriate college course

it was then that i read one amazing sentence from a book.

"when pple ask what i want to be when i grow up, i tell them, 'i want to be happy'."

that single sentence shifted my whole paradigm of thought
that is all i want to be!
happy!
who says you need to answer "what do you want to be when you grow up" with an occupation?

the follow-up question proved much harder to answer
"how do you be happy?"
to find out how meant i have to find the answer to something more fundamental
"what is happiness?"

i spent a couple of years looking for the answers to both questions
i don't think it's something one can ever answer fully or grasp
the more you grasp at it the more slippery it gets

the intenstiy of my search has died down
though my eyes are still open for any clues that can help
but what i've learnt during the years of my search still remains the guiding principles to the things i do

there were clues everywhere
on the internet, in self help books, in religions
many pple have many things to say abt happiness
and slowly it appears that the concepts are all the same, different authors just phrase them differently

things like doing what you love,
(some good books provide structured help for seraching within yourself what your interests and talents are. like anthony robbins' books.)
that materialism isn't everything
that helping others is important
keep away from pple with negative energy.
stuff like that

i checked out both christianity and buddhism
to find out what they were abt and whether they could answer my questions
buddhism has never failed to impress me with its philosophy
even in pri school i remember reading a buddhist FAQ book cos i was horribly bored
and i recall vividly this paragraph

"Q: what's the buddhist's view of other religions?
A: We believe that all religions are ultimately good, as long as their teachings are fundamentally good. It is like a cup on the table. the chinese call it "bei", in english it is called a "cup". in other languages they call it something else. but ultimately, we are talking abt the same thing."

a few month's ago i read an article in a magazine on spirituality
it featured a buddhist nun who spends her time consoling the terminally ill in hospitals
she had a patient whose last wish was to share a beef sandwich with her
the nun is a vegetarian and has not touched meat for years
but she fulfilled the patient's last wish

i think it's a very powerful story of selflessness
i've seen so many cases of pple who, for example, refused to touch joss sticks at funerals of their kin because it goes against their beliefs
pple forget that this is not their funeral, it is for the deceased
it's not important what my beliefs are, it is important what the deceased believes in and what i can do for him/her

i digressed
back to the search for happiness
the thing abt religions that i found out for my purposes
was that buddhism provides a more direct approach
it almost has a list of things you have to do in order to find happiness
cheem and almost unattainable things like "thou shalt not lie"
but at least there is a guide
there is a lot of emphasis on looking within yourself to understand yourself and to find peace
there is emphasis on being nice to others and selflessness
there is emphasis on simplicity. on forgiveness.
on the transient nature of things. nothing good or bad lasts forever. so be calm and watch the waves roll.
on concepts like how holding on to negative thoughts just harms yourself more than the other person.
on the Middle way.

on top of it all, it packages itself in a cheeky
"try it and see. if it works, stay. if not, then perhaps something else is more suitable for you"

the other influential line i read abt happiness is
"the secret to happiness is gratitude"
this is probably the closest thing i've got to an answer than i can ever get

and patch adams' book advocates being as weird as you can be
"try walking backwards today while flapping your arms and sqwarking. observe other pple's reactions."
----------------------------------

ironically during my 2nd crisis in final year of college
i got sucked into the "be financially independent" hype
that's the phrase of excitedly sharing with henry all the lessons from "rich dad poor dad"
that was also when i spent days at east coast reflecting and coming up with the infamous "sea god" plan

i still had the view that materialism isn't everything
the plan was to earn enough so that i can spend the rest of the days pursuing my dreams
i don't know what happened
but one day i suddenly thought
"what if i die before i get to the part of the plan where i pursue my dreams?"
so the sea god plan returned to the sea
and it struck me that even though robert kurosaki appears "not" to be working
he really is when he analyzes investment opportunities and the market
it so happens that he enjoys it and it's an activity with own time own target
so it looks like he's not working, but he is
he is fortunate to have a lucrative hobby
i find it a pain to read things on investments, so for me, it is hard work following his path of "no work"
------------------------------------

Revisiting the HOLE

from previous entry:
"hope i never see A hole again
never say never but i really mean NEVER
cross my heart bless my soul
there's a chance we still might
and the next time i'll be ready for him
bring it on"

was reading my previous posts
man, was i pissed and depressed or what!
i wonder if he changed or i changed
he really is much nicer now than our last meeting

spent the whole of sat working with him
i thought it was a good day too
we got a lot accomplished and pin-pointed the issues to be addressed
it's very satisfying

i guess this time, i am ready for him
just not in as agressive a manner as my tone suggests

if nothing went horribly wrong today
we'd have met our target
so the team effort is a success! :D

%$%%$@$^&&^&%#$#

it didn't go badly at all
there were lessons learnt
of which i'll jot down some other day
because
i have to work tmrw
which kind of sucks cos i depend on weekends to recharge

but well
gotta do what you gotta do
don't really mind really
in the spirit of the team
i want the project to work and i'm happy to work with pple who have the same aim

GB left us her personal cellphone number and house number and even her sister's house number in case she's there
obviously we're not gonna kachiao her for nothing
but small actions like these show dedication
and earns her respect
impt lesson in leadership

i think master archer and i complement each other quite well
i'm the analyst and he's the mouth
while i know what's happening but is too cautious,
he can charge on and talk like he knows what he's talking abt
so basically i clue him in on my opinions and he charge on with them

it's not a quality i really admire
but i think it's useful
i'm fairly pissed with myself that i'm too cautious
i saw where the weak points are
but like everything there's a percentage of uncertainty
i could be wrong
so all these while i've been standing at a corner waving a red flag and squeaking "something is wrong something is wrong" and no one really listened.
if i had charged on like master archer the project might have moved along faster.

of course if i charged on and find out i'm wrong then it'll look very stupid
but i'm thinking if i'm doing it in the interest of the project
then it's not really dumb
even if i'm proven wrong
at least we now know that is an option to rule out

so thats the next step for me
to combine what i know with how-to-tell-others-what-i-know

i don't really like the way master archer works
he's alright as a person but as a team player, he sucks
it's dangerous when someone talks like he knows what he's talking abt but really he's not sure
because if others take his advice then they can go way off tangent

he's proclaiming himself as my mentor
which cracks W up all the time
"here comes your mentor. There's your mentor. I don't have a mentor, but you have one."
------------------------------------

have also reinforced the idea not to assume others are more knowledgable
i may not know a lot
but i know what i'm doing
and what i'm seeing

i'm still a bit miffed abt my cautiousness
a lot of things we've "discovered" suddenly are things i've been squeaking abt to deaf ears
so it wasn't helpful to the project, me squeaking
but i'm pretty pleased too
i think my squeaks and red flag laid the foundation and hastened the "discovery" process
so half a pat on the back
-----------------------------------

the HOLE, and i will stop calling him that
he's really not that bad
he can have a very strong tone sometimes but i realised, now, that he is just very excitable and he speaks what he thinks.
but he is dedicated to the project and for that we have something in common,
we both want the project to work
and i'm always happy to work with pple with the same aim

i also found out he watched the blue men group 3 times :)

when i told jialu i dread this meeting
she said "But you're one year smarter! and kinder!"
heh.
nah.
i am one year more experienced though.
with the project, the work and the american style of working (they speak very convincingly).

to everything (turn turn turn)
you can turn back to the same spot
but not everything remains the same. :)
------------------------------------------------

THe Zen of Juggling

you know how when we look at those 3-D pictures
we have to look "beyond" the picture
and suddenly there comes a nirvana moment when the image pops out

i think i just found the motion equivalent of that visual effect
i found my motion nirvana

the weather is fantastic during fall/autumn
it's like having air-con outdoors, not too hot nor too cold
and there's no wind
it's perfect for juggling

so i usually go in the evenings to the tennis court
i'll be alone there
under the spotlights
plugged into my favourite sad songs
and i'll juggle
and i'll sing on top of my lungs

it's like those one hour walks i used to have
where i'll listen to music and sing and walk
ignoring the cars stuck by the traffic jam, and relishing the freedom of being alone
seen but not seen
now i listen to music and sing and juggle
ignoring the cars that drive by, relishing the freedom of being alone
seen but not seen

anyway back to motion nirvana
just as visually you look beyond the picture
now you concentrate beyond the motion
you feel the music, you sing the songs, you think abt other things
while just letting your hands do the juggling.
at some point the "nirvana" moment appears
when you suddenly see how pretty the pattern is
how miraculously the clubs land in the hands
and how flowy the whole thing is
it helps to have a sad song on
(also helps to be doing flowy tricks like underarm and backcrosses)

it really is a zen moment
it's like watching another juggler except i am the juggler
i am the audience and i am the juggler at the same time

i am one with the music, the motion, the pattern and the surroundings
i am one with peace.

Today is a Good Day, because Tomorrow is Going to Suck Big Time

Faithful long-time readers might remember a certain character which triggered a couple of posts full of expletives from me
(not Marge the Fudge, not Master Archer...it's the HOLE)
i hardly swear ("shit" is not swearing) and i'm not proud of those posts
but they captured very nicely the emotions i was going through at that time

well...
i will try my best not to post expletives over the next few days
oh i don't even want today to end

~~
To everything (turn turn turn)
There is a season (turn turn turn)
A time to be born, a time to die
A time to plant, a time to reap
A time to kill, a time to heal
A time to laugh, a time to weep
~~

the weather's turning cold again
it's excellent now but soon it'll get too cold
reminds me of how it was like when i first got here

and now i'm going through experiences i encountered when i first got here as well

i guess everything does turn turn turn
back to where it begun

so i'm a little saddened cos i'm reminded that my time here is ending
but just a little cos i have bigger things to worry abt now
HOLES
i remember posting something like "i'll be ready the next time"
i don't think i can ever be ready
oh well
i guess this is a test of my mental strength
if everyone has a purpose for living,
then i guess some pple are here to test the resolve of others

jialu's advice:
"get your buddhist transcendence.
to see THROUGH all this red-dust".

so i'll try walking around with that subtle buddha smile tmrw
and get to keep it
hoepfully
------------------------

W went on vacation and bought me a present
a buddha letter holder

"it's really just 2 laughing buddhas facing each other. so you put the letter in the middle and move the buddhas towards each other and the bellies will hold the letter in place"

there is a small angel statue on my desk for a while now
that was a present from someone else
W said i can use the buddhas to clamp the angel in the middle

i think all these buddhas and angels on my desk will do good for me tomorrow
i need to be reminded there is love in the world
------------------------------------------

just had a good juggling session outside
the weather is perfect
it's cool and not windy

hooked on to my favourite sad songs
it felt quite zen-ish
not concentrating on juggling made me juggle better
and not listening to the crashing sounds of my precious clubs helped too

it was pretty cool
calm, peace, zen...

need to accumulate all my buddha energy today
for a powerful release in one swift street-fighter style hand motion

need to spread the love

shit.
i feel like swearing already.

Boston Boston - The Highlights

now back in the safety of alabama
should be recuperating but i wanna capture the moments before i forget them
i would also probably add on to this post when memories of other events start flooding back

if i do go on to fulfil the thing-i-want-to-do-before-30,
this trip may have provided some of the most significant influences
some of the things i saw were simply amazing and inspirational
the 4 hour plane ride was hardly enough for me to gather my thoughts
(wished i had a pen to scribble it all down)

oh yeah.

Jialu may have a clue abt what i'm talking abt
though she may not understand it ("you're gonna have a what? why???")
i dun understand it myself
the obsession with this thing-i-want-to-do-before-30
but there is a compelling desire to do it
who knows where it'll lead to
in any case, it's just for the heck of it yes?
--------------------------------

Highlights:

1) the funniest flight attendant ever

my town is small
so flights out are also very small
and there is only one flight attendant in the flight

on my way to boston
the flight attendant was such a blast
before the flight started she had to go through the motion of reading the safety rules
it was a late flight and she was obviously tired of repeating herself the whole day

so she added in her own lines
and made the whole thing like a stand up comic routine

"ladies and gentlemen,
should the need arise, the oxygen mask will drop from the top compartment
now after you've finished kicking and screaming,
calmly take the mask and put it over your face.

pls secure your own mask before helping other pple
this includes young children
and more importantly
grown men behaving like young children
oh yeah we all know that one don't we"

"if you look above you, there is a button for the reading lights.
see the button next to it?
DON'T TOUCH IT"
(the button is for calling the attendant for help)

"ladies and gentlemen this flight is going to?
(someone shouted the destination)
that is correct sir
if you've said hawaii we'll have flown to hawaii, but it's too late now"

"M'am are you sure your seat is up?
there you go, this is up.
you look too comfortable that's why
no one is allowed to be comfortable during takeoff!"


on the flight back the attendant was normal
but this time the captain was the odd one

"ladies and gentlemen this is your captain speaking
ARE YOU RRRRRREADY TO FLY?
Please listen to your attendant she is really the boss around here
the weather is, well,
cloudy here cloudy there but above it's all sunny
if we're all set then LET'S GO"
---------------------------------------------------

2) Zig-zagging kayak

went kayaking with jialu and her lab mates
jialu and i shared a double kayak
there was an informal race
while everyone was charging forward in a straight line
jialu and i were busy charging across everyone in a diagonal line

after being left far behind
still zig-zagging uncontrollably across the river
we finally crashed against the bank
coming away with a few solid tree branches

"WE'RE GONNA CRASH!
TURN LEFT TURN LEFT TURN LEFT!!
ARGH TOO LATE!
TREE! TREE!
ARGH SHIT!!! DUCK!"

the other thing i came away with was
an awfully unevenly tanned face thanks to my spects
at first still look nice cos it's red so it's like blush
now the red is black.....
i need to sun-tan myself wearing a ski mask man....
-----------------------------------

3) trinity church - where art, spirituality and philosophy integrates

one of the most amazing interior design i've ever seen
it was like being inside a painting
it is grand, there was mystery, there was spirituality, there was presence
it is one huge arty doll house designed to engulf you
------------------------------------------------

4) The Blue Men Group

those little fellas jumping around in your tv set for the Intel advert
everywhere i saw the poster
"if you haven't seen the blue men group, you haven't seen boston"
i remembered those were the intel lads
but what were they abt?
i read the brochures, i researched online, i went to the theatre and read more reviews
and still i dunno what the hell the show was about besides "catching mushmallows with his mouth"

at some point i decided to just do it
they were intriguing enough
and boy was it worth every penny
all 5600 of it

i wasn't even sure i could make it
left dinner with jialu late
so literally dashed through the distance of 2 train stations
got there at 8pm sharp
and then found that i dropped the ticket while running

good thing the luck that deserted me found its way back
the box office which was supposed to close at 7 was still open
and i asked the lady inside if she remembered me and told her my story
she issued me a duplicate ticket but warned that if the real one shows up mine wouldnt be valid

the real one never turned up

what i saw at the blue men group will always be influential and amazing
(Jialu: "the blue men group is not a strip show right?")
can't write much cos one ingredient of their success is the element of surprise
so in the hope that someone reading this will one day have the fortune of watching it
i will not elaborate

all i'll say is
they showed me a whole new way of performing
how to speak without talking
how to be enigmatic but cheeky
during one of the acts
the audience was involved and everyone was playing like kids again
it was a natural reaction
and young and old, everyone was laughing and having a ball
doing something which is very wu liao and childish if you're not in the moment

it was a moment
a moment that made everyone kids again
ingenius.
--------------------------------

5) the Ig Nobel Prize presentation

the funniest science event ever.
by a long shot.

made funnier because everyone involved is a professor.

to keep the "i want to thank my mother and father" speeches short,
the organisers send an 8 year old girl onto the stage and scream
"i'm bored, please stop. i'm bored, please stop" until they stopped.

the MIT one which i went to was a short presentation by the winners followed by a Q&A session

one of the profs won a prize for doing research on Mr edward's exploding pants
he found that the chemicals fround in weed killers used in new zealand, when mixed with fabric,
was highly explosive
so someone asked "the weedkillers are present on the grass, and since sheep graze on the grass, have there been cases of exploding sheep?"

and then there was one who studied brain signals of locusts while they were watching scenes from star wars. and one who studied whether it was faster for humans to swim in syrup or water. the physics prize went to the prof studying droplets from tar, at a rate of one drop every 9 years.

what took the cake for me though
and jialu will vehemently disagree
was the jap prof who won the nutition prize for taking photographs of every single meal he took for the last 34 years.
so he came on to speak
in a very stern no nonsense manner
very unlike the friendly nature of all the other profs
but even though he was stern, the words he spoke were so funny
not sure whether intentional or not

anyway his topic was food right
but he spent most of his time talking abt clothes and housing
abt building a house utilizing cosmic power
cosmic, not solar power
so he's like quite obviously talking rubbish
when he finally got to his topic
all he said was
".....meals are also very important. In conclusion, to live long life, meals are important."

"if you want to know more, read my book.
my time is very precious, so there will be no questions and answer.
because
i have no time for your stupid questions"

and then he stormed off.

he was hilarious.
i gave him a (sincere) standing ovation
jialu thinks he's an embarassment.

so back in the dorm
i wondered whether this guy is for real
was it an act, or was he really so disagreeable
either way he was so deliciously funny
jialu told me to check it out online
i found his official website
and there he wrote stuff like he invented the floppy and he is ranked the 5 top scientists of all time alongside archimedes and newton etc

"jialu check this out!"
"wah lau what rubbish! this guy is a fraud man! can't stand him. what top 5 scientist alongside newton, obviously it's rubbish!"

now she stormed off
but i dug around a bit more
and found that he is FOR REAL
reading up independent sources like newspaper archives, it seems like he IS ranked alongside newton and them, he DID invent the floppy, and all the crap he talked abt cosmic power housing is TRUE.

this guy is a bomb man
i still dunno whether he was really stern or just cheekily stern
(no websites mentioned anything abt his personality)
i just found him excellently funny
and his achievements are so brilliant we think he's talking crap
that's accolades of the highest level i guess
------------------------------------------

6) MIT Musuem

the Arthur Gansen sculptures are magic.
pure magic. pure brilliance.
he is a mechanical enginner and artist combined.
he uses wheels and gears to make sculptures in motion.
genius.
------------------------------------------

7) Jialu

i guess the trip can't be complete without mentioning jialu. :)
it was nice sharing a suite with 3 french hunks.
("wah eh your suite mate next door is cute sia."
"which one? the one with the spects?"
"you mean there's more than one??"
"ya there're 3 of them in there!"
"wa mai tu liao what are you waiting for")

it was nice having our many talks abt everything from grad school to guys to guys to guys to guys
and sometimes religions..and moms...and housewife ambitions

"so what's your advice after all this talk?"
"my advice is...your situation is very complicated. ask wanyi."

"we need to articulate our words. speak e---ver---y word. we speak too quickly, the americans can't understand us"
"so just now when i warned you abt the cockroach, i should have gone cooooooccc--rrrr-oach?"
"ya, instead of just shouting KAZHUA!"

on sat we decided to cook instead of eat out
and i got prepared to learn cooking from jialu
it wasn't exactly a one pot synthesis that jialu made when wanyi was around
this one is a one wok synthesis of fried rice and everything

jialu also baked some pre-marinated chicken thighs in the oven

"do you smell something burning?"
"ya. where is it coming from?"
"dunno. (checks chicken). it's not the chicken. something is burning...."

(5 min later)

(opens oven to check chicken) "wah so much smoke!"
"is it normal?"
"dun know. shit i'm worried the water sprinkler will go off."
"won't la. i dun't think we have enough smoke. right?"
"someone set it off before"
"is it normal to have so much smoke?"
"dun know. but i know the chicken gives out a lot of oil, and the pan has holes at the bottom"
"close the door la, keep the smoke in."
"no...i'm trying to have a controlled release of smoke"

(5 min later)
"eh the oven is on fire!!"
"huh? where?"
"at the bottom."
"take the chicken out"

(both of us watching the fire in the oven)
"let it die out on it's own"
"what if it doesn't. should we splash water?"
"no la, not now. let's just wait for the oven to cool. then if the fire is still there we'll see how"
"maybe we should close the door to cut out the oxygen?"
"let's just see how. is there a fire extinguisher? i dun think there's anything for it to burn. unless it's burning though to the bottom"

(fire dies down on its own)
"phew!"
"Jialu i'm supposed to learn cooking from you and you just taught me how to set the oven on fire"

(this reminds me of the last JC outing before JC graduation where we all bundled together in sheng cheng's house. somehow it was decided that the girls shall do the cooking while the guys watch tv outside. the girls had a "what's that smell what's that smell?" adventure and went on to burn up 2 of sheng cheng's pots. his poor maid had to scrub charcoal bits off the pots we burned to absolute blackness.)
---------------------------------------

boston was a great trip.
thanks jialu for all your hospitality and kiwis
and for tolerating my late nights and my tough questions
forgive me for taking a dig at your paintings and your maximum entropy room and the oven- barbequed chicken :)

now for the semi-real world of Bama.

Slowly But Surely.....

i'm falling in love with Boston.

the 1st tree to say 'to hell with greens'

Went to my customer's company today for a visit. Goodness it looks lovely. Places like this make staff morale high. The surroundings are pretty, the cafeteria nice and cosy...

it looks like a nice conducive place. and why not, this is where ideas bloom and inventions created.

i think some sort of crisis is happening at the workplace (of which i'm blissfully unaware of until today since i'm on vacation). One of the engineers based in boston is flying to alabama on almost immediate notice, while i'm based in alabama and currently roaming abt in boston. :)

the company is situated pretty far from the city, so it's kind of quiet like Alabama. Basically then staying in boston gives you the best of both worlds. there is the buzz of the city, and there is the calm of the country less than an hour away.

it is a very nice place and there's something for everyone. Plenty of old buildings and architecture, there're theatres and musicals, there's shopping, there's chinatown, there're pubs and clubs, there're musuems, there're sea activities like kayaking and sailing....

Good deal. i may even open my own shop like this one:

Advertisement Slogan: Hi, I'm Tan. And you are not. So come to Campus Tan and be Tan like me

----------------------------------------------

went to the art musuem today. it's so huge it took me 3.5 hours to finish walking through the whole thing. I think if i actually read and pondered abt every exhibit, it will take me a month to finish.

so it got kind of boring after a while, and then i stumbled upon the abstract and installation/performance art section, which unfortunately is way too small.

anyways i got a bit more excited, and i started thinking. Hey if something makes you think, then that's art right? the pieces were talking to me!

so i was thinking "i can't believe this is called art", and then i tried to think of titles/captions for them:

1)

Circle.
(a.k.a "Be there. Don't be __.")

2)

qian4 qian2 huan2 qian2
(literal translation: "owe money return money")

3)

Artistic Expression of Jialu's Room

4)

a Man, a Lady, & an Ichi Ban

5)

This Is What I Call Art (Realism by Kahlo Yeah.)

This Is What I Call Art, too (Impressionism by Kahlo Yeah.)

-----------------------------------------

since i'm creating the captions, i may be creating art too don't you think?!

There was a bunch of students there as well, frantically running around completing their worksheets. it reminded me of the last time i was in the art musuem with the school, a compulsory outing by RJ.

I remember how Darren didn't go because there was hockey competition that day. The next day, our GP tutor started a discussion on our art musuem trip.

GP tutor (forgetting that darren did not go for the trip): So, which piece left a deep impression on you? Darren, would you like to contribute?

Darren: Well, i think the best exhibit was the giant balloon shoe outside the musuem. it is a very powerful image...invoked a lot of feelings.

GP tutor (nodding head in acceptance while wondering why some pple were giggling, and trying to ignore the giggles): ok...so Darren feels that the giant balloon shoe left the deepest impression, who else would like to add on what they think? what abt the paintings by Monet?

------------------------------

a nice quote from boston:

"it was in my heart to help a little because i was helped much"

Greetings From Boston

shall let the pictures do the talking.


1) A Man & His Dream

Took this photo today along the Boston North End waterfront. It turned out really good. Captured the effect that i wanted perfectly. Among all the junk photos I took, Jialu said this made her feel very calm. i'm very proud of it. :)

it's perfect! :) the greyish color, the shadow, his suit....ah the wonder....

2) Another Bad Sun-Tan

what happens when you go kayaking with glasses on.
Jialu's friend thought i put blusher on.....machiam with a ruler?

3) Entropy Always Finds a Maximum....

so why waste time cleaning up?
was gonna take snapshots of Jialu's room to upload, so she had no choice but to start cleaning up her room at 11.30pm, because i was ruining her reputation and housewife ambitions. couldn't get the photos i wanted then. the above is an old photo of her old room with the same messiness. (published with permisssion)

4) Nightmare

Before i embarked on my alabama trip, i was extremely terrified that i'll be staying in a place resembling this (with all due respect to the pple staying there). I imagined rappers and hip hoppers with bling blings hanging out on the streets in front of the main apartment door...

5) Now you see it, now you don't

Me, Mr John Harvard, and Mr Stick-My-Face in.

Let's see that again.

Me, Mr John Harvard, and ???

(i swear there's no photoshop involved. i'm not so free.)

6) Welcome to America

this is america, and so is this.

Having a good time in boston! it's like being in singapore with a bit more razzmatazz and zing!