And we come to...the NEXT PROJECT

(click for bigger picture)

that's gonna keep me busy for a while.
i'm not the organiser by the way.
it's a concert organised by these 2 young chaps starting out in the biz.
pple with passion.
how can we do without them.

anyway, one of them asked me to perform a 15 min show on stage for the event.
it's a paid gig yes.

I got some inspiration from my jog on deepavali.
i'm beginning to really like jogging.

I hope i can pull this one off.
If i can only do what i see in my head,
this one will be different and amazing.

it's a piece with a message.
a piece with multimedia, lights, and exploding liquid if i can have my way.

what i can see is so amazing,
but what i can do is so limited.
it's frustrating,
let's see what comes out of it.

--------------------------------

and as good ol poot puts it,
"you have stopped practising and moved on to performing. which is good cos it's very creative but you keep dropping!"

so yes, need to put in a bit of substance amidst the fluff.

pple are paying for this so i'd better do something decent.

---------------------------------

i actually managed to sell 8 singabolas the last week.
without even soliciting for sales.
pple just came and asked for them.

pretty cool.

------------------------------------

M.A.D now stands at number 5 i think.
the fifth being a balloon selling event for the Africa mission group.

6th and 7th will come these 2 weeks.
Will be conducting a balloon workshop for some sec sch kids and then packing them off to do traumatic ballooning for NUH kids.

traumatic because my ballooning sucks big time.
my mom thought my beautiful bugs bunny sculpture was a tortoise.

but again i got some inspiration from my jog.

wouldn't it be wonderful to create some kind of pay-it-forward event?
send armies of kids off to make balloons for somebody somewhere who needs comforting.

it'll be cool i think,
even though mom quipped that kids may cry when they see my balloons.

---------------------------------------------

We just met up with LM freshly back from NZ.
Started talking abt 5 year plans and guess what her plan is.

"There's a lady going horse riding from china to london over 4 years. i think i'll join her."
"....erm...how are you going to bring along all those hay for the horse?"
"oh there's a truck following behind."

"my dad wanted to buy me a horse"
"how much does a horse cost?"
"3 to a few million"
"3 like 3 dollars?"
"oh not 3, i said free"
"free?? like stray horse ah. wandering on the streets."

it's way too cool man.
imagine telling someone "i just spent 4 years riding a horse from china to london."

"what happened to our trip to south pole?"
"oh yeah i realised we need to fly from argentina. only scientists can fly from NZ"
"we can take a module and pretend to be scientists."
"the scientists must stay for the whole term at the south pole"
"oh."

"why would ANYONE go to the south pole?" clarice asked in horror.
"i want to plant the flag there. those cute little ones they give us for national day"
"get a sandwich flag!"

------------------------------------

my bro just came back from thailand and bought me a reindeer hair band, a moose hair band, an angel hair band and a jester hat.

it'll be so cool to wear the hair band to the office man.

even cooler if i can wear it riding a horse from china to london.

15 Years ON..(some 20)



Vera singing proudly:

"Together as a team
Fulfilling our dream
To achieve all in all
A standard for us all
We'll be proud to be.....we'll be proud to be.....
EH we'll be proud to be WHAT ah?"

"Cedar primary, cedar primary"

"Ya, that's after. we'll be proud to be what?"

"that's the part we mumble and then move on to cedar primary, cedar primary"

"Some kid upstairs is gonna throw eggs at us and show us how to sing it"

"the school song still the same meh?" jack suddenly asked, "don't they change it every 2 years?"

"it's a VERY good thing you're not a principal, where got school song change every 2 years wan!"

just for the record, the word is "loyal".

"we'll be proud, to be loyal,
as pupils of Cedar primary sch"
-------------------------------------------

15 years on and 12 of us are still in constant contact.
that's an amazing statistic.

we even have more contacts,
thanks to facebook and super kaypoh networking skills some of them have,
but those are the ulu ones we seldom meet.

this time round Jack managed to get Mrs Ban to come.
All these years and her address and number remained the same.

Her son thought Jack was a conman from China and refused to believe he was her student from 15 years back,
until Steph stepped in and used her HR powers to chat up with Mrs Ban.

As we waited for Mrs Ban to arrive,
I started asking Steph

"Does she sound old?"
"She sounds the same lor. how to sound old?"
"do you think she'll have white hair and walk really slow"

Amazingly Mrs ban looked almost exactly the same as she did 15 years ago.
wow.
all that spa must have worked wonders.

------------------------------------------------

it was a really nice catch up session.

some of them brought autograph books and we laughed at the silly "roses are red" rubbish poems we kept writing.

and then there were the

"好好学好华文" one liners that the teachers wrote in angie's book and some super cheem line in someone else's book. ("15 years and i still don't understand it")

there was even a "i hope you will talk to so and so before graduation" and "to err is human, to forgive divine" on some weird family feud thing.

"How did it start ah?"
"Her mom scolded me then my mom stepped in"
"but you threw the ball at her during PE that's why her mom scolded you right?"
"No lei don't think so."
"i think so lei"
"no la. oh by the way i'm not driving you home anymore"
"k i'd better shut up then"


"oh look old photo of Mrs Ban! we can blackmail her!"
"that's you behind lor"
"Is it? OMG i'm so ugly!"
"ya la dunno you stand behind kaypoh what then now you want to blackmail pple somemore"

-----------------------------------------------

and everytime we meet,
there will be THE question.

who pushed lao sa and scarred her lip.

"it's either JL or yvo"
"the scar looks good on you what" Jack quipped.
"MUST be JACK"
"no la, i was sitting behind you"
"CONFIRM JACK"

"lao da let me pray for you. dear Father pls release this burden that lao da has been carrying all these years..."

----------------------------------------------

it was really really cool.

after dinner at Jen's we went down to the airport for Popeye's (!).
But sensibly after taking up the biggest table we decided to couldn't eat anymore and went down to Macs.

"what's the difference between Macs Potong Pasir and Macs Airport?" i asked Linnet.
"it's more cosmopolitan here. More globalised you know. the milk less melamine"

And there we chatted till past midnight
from "the apple dippers are actually potatos"

to

"the chair is stuck to the ground! can't move! super uncomfortable!"
"then move the table la"
"oh"

to

"lao da you used your fingers to twirl your hair until so curly ah"
"no. i spent $120 to PERM it"

-------------------------------------------------

It's always fun somehow to meet up with old frens.
we're all different and yet still the same.

vera is still as loud as ever "wah sit beside her like got surround sound. buay tahan"
and the stories remain evergreen.

there's a warm glow in my heart i can't express.
we're all different, and yet still the same. :)

------------------

now time to get some work done.

The one with the Baptism

it was a beautiful one too.

well, like all things that usually happen to me, it was pretty funny.

i've always felt God has a sense of humour.

-------------------------------

So, the eve before the bap, i msn-ed A online.

"have you ever used a tampon"

"no. (pause) OMG dun tell me the da yi ma is here? on your BAPTISM?"

For the whole week i've been stressed abt it,

and i've been praying that it will either come early or better still, late, but just not on that day cos it's the worst possible timing.

(i did add "to Your will, not mine")

Amazingly when it really came,

i found it more amusing than stressful.

Thank God that i met shereen online.

And she's supposed to be on some online fasting thing,

so it's really God's will that we met.

she reassured me that it's fine and gave me the game plan for it.

She even offered to bring this and that for me and i just felt so grateful and comforted and reassured.

-----------------------------

met up with angie for breakfast and she had a field day ribbing me abt the da yi ma.

"it's like God is saying 'HA! it's your baptism. Now you have it! HA!""

~~

"Are you hungry? oh wait, no, cos you're bloated right"

~~

"Did you dream abt anything yesterday?"

"I dreamt i had a nose bleed"

"hahahahahahaa"

~~

"it would have been quite ridiculous to put on a tampon now, what if it comes floating out in the pool?"

"then you can get baptised together with miss tampon floating over there next to you"

~~

"I was thinking of just wearing many layers of undies"

"and float backside up in the pool?"

~~

"it's gonna storm soon man. oh can you imagine, if like, touch wood, kana hit by lightning in the pool, aren't you glad it's at a baptism and you got baptised already"

"and then in the hospital they wonder why i'm wearing so many pairs of undies"

"it's a modern day chastity belt!"

~~

shimei and angie sent me off to the doorsteps of the church.

As we hugged goodbye, we looked at each other and burst out laughing again.

"don't say it angie."

"you know what i'm thinking... :) "

"oh yeah yvonne?"

"yeah?"

"your bright green blouse goes really well with your bright pink bag and yellow slippers"

"shut up angie"

------------------------------------------------------------

after service WJ accompanied me to YWCA.

she shared some words with me..on ploughing forward and not looking back.

philippians something

one day i'm gonna nail these verses

we entered the ballroom early so i could rehearse the testimony.

it wasn't just a mic test,

i had to do the whole thing in front of no audience.

it's a bit like ge tai.

so it was really odd,

and WJ said i was just way too fierce.

haha.

the real testimony went well.

there's still something odd abt it,

it could be because i never quite felt like i'm qualified enough to make a speech on biblical stuff.

so it feels a bit off when you can't speak with full blown conviction.

i did pray abt it while rehearsing,

and i was prompted to "relax and just be sincere".

it was ok. i just saw myself on video and cringed, but it wasn't too bad i guess.

was fun to be able to speak and add juggling in too.

i've always wanted to combine these 3 things together,

and i did it on my baptism day! :)

----------------------------------

after that i was just rushing up and down,

with sisters and brothers helping with this and that.

the spirit of help in the group continues to amaze me.

i'll be like 'wait ah, let me find my comb',

and straightaway i'd hear a "i got comb you want?"

------------------------------------

As the group prayed for me before the baptism,

one leader said she saw an image while praying.

an image of a 毛虫。

it was a message of the 毛虫 struggling to become a butterfly.

struggles are good, because they make you stronger.

And after the prayer another leader said he saw the same 毛虫 image before she started.

i didn't see a 毛虫,

but i did see a moth a few weeks ago.

--------------------------

During the bap:

"hey you can swim from one end to this end then get baptised la. first time someone swim until baptise"

"in her state? that'll be fiery red trails following behind"

it went well in the end.

the dip was pretty quick possibly cos i was too heavy for them to hold me down too long.

the prayer was pretty long.

it was a message of always remaining in the spirit of joy and thanksgiving.

those two words kept coming up.

they said to let God guide the way, and to grow into a shepherd.

and also that "no eyes have seen and no ears have heard what God's plans are for us" (quoted very loosely),

but to continue in the spirit of joy and thanksgiving,

and let God guide the way.

---------------------------------------------------

DH and YH came along.

those two guys even very gung ho and sportingly went on stage and won all of us some cheese balls.

norman was there too, but in true navy stealth fashion he came and left with nary a trace.

Lao da came by as well. and she gave me a small present which almost made me burst out laughing aloud in the train on the way home.

this is the present from the group that i thought was chicken essence at first. cos it was as green and bulky and heavy as those chicken essence boxes.

.

it's a study bible. flipped a little yesterday, looks very interesting. should keep myself busy with it for a while.

And what better to accompany the thick encyclopedic study bible than with Lao da's very own study bible for me:




---------------------------------

i honestly thought it was very funny and i loved the surprise.

Like i've msg-ed her, i love giving weird presents to pple too, and it has backfired many times on me.

Alrightee, time to sleep.

the video clip of my testimony is online, if anyone's interested to see it.

--------------------------------------------

and in case anyone's wondering,

no, my baptism name is not penelope.

it's also not 毛虫。

*I have no intention of turning this into a gospel blog. But this is the main thing going on in my itchy backside life at the moment. After tmrw's baptism, there should be more other stuff to blog abt.

**I could never answer the question 'why are you going for baptism' clearly enough. I thought i didn't know myself. But maybe i just didn't know where to start explaining. So i needed to write this. Because i know that i know.

-----------------------------------------------------
An Ode to God

You have shown me
that living in You, is living in Love.

The love for others.
a form of self-lessness.

Help others,
because you've been helped much.

--

You have shown me
that we can make a difference.

A patient gently weeps as she watched us sing.
We sang the joy of the Lord,
we juggled balls of joy,
our voices were out of tune,
but our hearts were not.

i don't know her story,
perhaps she needed to know the joy of the Lord once again,
or perhaps her tears were for me,
for me to know,
we can make a difference.

--

You have shown me
what spiritual connection means.

Joy and peace,
those rare "zen" moments i accidentally stepped into before,
they can come from You.

--

You have shown me
what forgiveness means.

turn the other cheek.
and things can turn out well.

and even i marvel at what You can make me do,
when i recall the hurt i felt.

--

You have shown me
what reliance means.

when i called out,
and said "i'm sorry but i'm not strong enough for this."

You were there.
and told me,
A Father who canes a child feels more hurt than the pain of the child.

And You gave me nuggets of encouragement.

How did i get a pay rise on the day i firmly decided to resign?
How did i get the conviction to turn things round by actively joining people for lunch,
and my very first lunch friend, turned out to be a staunch christian?

--

You have shown me
what help means.

when i'm down and broken,
there was help.

and because i was helped,
i need to help.

--

You have shown me
there is a time for everything.

so wait,
because the time is not right.

wait,
when there's no peace in your heart.

wait,
because when it's time You will open the doors.

wait,
because sometimes when i rush i go off track and You may need years to bring me back on track.

--

You have shown me
that there is a purpose.

You have given us much,
what have we done with it?

One day it will all come together.

like the number '4",
the Holy trinity are at the upper ends of the number.

Like a sail they know where we're going.
we are the point at the bottom end.
and sometimes we get dragged through dirt,
but trust that the 3 points above the dirt,
know where we are going.

Sometimes the dirt path,
is the shortest way to the destination.
and so while we can sometimes grumble 'eh hello you know where we going?'.
trust that they know.

I cannot see the picture yet.
But You can.
and it will come together.

Follow, and surely there're many more things to come.

--

You have shown me
that if this self-less Love that i see touches me,
then what more the Love that comes from You?

And it is not the Love You have for us that blesses us,
it is the Love we have for You that will bless us.

--

You have shown me
what faith is.

Like a mother and a child learning to walk,
She is always there to cajole and encourage,
but the baby must walk.
he must take the first step.

and he will fall many times,
but he will always fall harmlessly on his butt.
and when he cries,
the mother will be there.

--

You have shown me
that imperfection is ok.

that You do not need us to be your showpiece,
You just want us to use what we have.

that there is no shame in being imperfect,
You will be with me,
and we will cut the old bondages away thread by thread.

--

You have shown me
there are some things i am not ready to understand yet.
but keep asking, keep seeking,
You will tell me, when the time is right.

--

You have shown me
what the sacrifice of Jesus really means.

it means a lot more,
than i have ever imagined.

--

You have shown me
that my pathway is of service.

and that will be my path to happiness.

--

So I will strive,
to be joyful and purposeful,
because a sad jester is not of no use in Your court.

and You say,
"See that what you've heard from the beginning remains in you." (1 John 2:24)

"for where your treasure is, there your heart will be also" (Matthew 6:21)

-------------------------------------------------------

Amen.

So much to say, so little to write

blurp.
that's all i have to say.

a frog.
a pond.
plop.

that's a zen story.

look, here is water. Why shouldn't I be baptised?

some things you just know.
and yet, you don't know.
and yet, you know you know.

blurp.
that's all i have to say.

Response to Comment

This is one of the hardest post i've ever had to write.

After 1 night of writing and re-writing, 2 days of deflated thinking and 2 back-to-back shepherding sessions, this is what i have at the moment.

I don't usually post responses to comments as a blog post. But this one is pretty good. Hope you don't mind YH.

--------------------------
YH's comment:


Just to warn you, what I'm about to say may sound like blasphemy.


What if you are beting on the wrong god? Then your 'crime' would turn from mere unbeliever to a much worse heretic. You may get punished much more severly by the right god.


And if god is omnisciences, then won't god see through your bet hedging, instead of true belief? Won't god punish you more heavily for lying instead of mere skeptism.


But I have nothing against religion. I think Jesus, the Reformation and the Age of Englightenment have tamed Christianity and made it better. I have issues with others though.
--------------------------


Firstly, it's not blasphemy at all.
Questions are good, in spite of the headaches they generate. :) and i hope to invite more of them. I will not know all the answers, but i want to know what i don't know and find out.


So here's what i think (which i dare not say it's guaranteed biblical since i'm still new and i have lots of things i don't know yet, but these are the concepts i have now):


1) Betting on/Believing in the wrong God, and condemning myself further since I take pple away from the "real" God.

I dare not say that other Gods are not real, but i do know my God is real.
and that's the key.

Believing in any other God is a bet you need to take, believing in Christ is not a bet.

C.S Lewis says, "You can accept what Christ has done without knowing what He did for us, but you cannot know what He did without first accepting Him."

"Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know" (Jermiah 33:3)

Ask Him, listen, and find out why we know He is real. :)

In any case, not believing in any God at all is not the solution. It's a bit like buying shares versus keeping money in a biscuit tin. In buying reasonable shares, you have a high chance of profit and an outside chance of loss. In the biscuit tin, you sure lose against inflation.

In not believing in anything at all, at best, there is no God at all and nothing happens. At worst, one of the Gods is right and bad things happen.

In believing at least something, at best you're right. At worst, it's the "wrong" God and bad things still happen and you get one extra slap on the butt for lack of wisdom (because you have evangelised out of the purest intentions for helping others, you cannot be judged for being evil and harming others intentionally.)

but anyway if i may re-iterate the key point again,
I do not know if other Gods are real. that's a study and bet you need to take.
I do know Christ is real, from what i've seen, felt, and heard.
And i invite you to see Him and judge for yourself.

2) And if god is omnisciences, then won't god see through your bet hedging, instead of true belief? Won't god punish you more heavily for lying instead of mere skeptism.

You are absolutely right.
It was getting a bit too clinical and pragmatic for my liking.

The whole point of raising the best case worst case thing is to convince our minds in the beginning that this is the path we want to walk.

"Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength." (Mark 12:30)

Heart, mind, soul and strength.

the heart and the mind is a constant struggle and i find that it's hard to keep both in the same rate of progress.
when you experience God your heart will be softened, but your mind very often throws tantrums ("Noah's Ark?? riggghht....)

And sometimes your mind can get comfortable with a theory but to accept it in your heart till it's in your bones is difficult.

So faith is not easy.
"just believe can already" is a gross flippant understatement.

As a pre-believer, there is no experience and no "heart" to speak of.
So work on the mind, and see that it's worth a shot.
And after giving it the first shot, with the blessings of God, the heart soul and strength thing will come in and act as anchors.

But you need the first shot to enter the cycle of conviction.

Even as a new believer, whenever my mind throws tantrums ("Rise from the dead? rigggghttt"),
amongst other things, i go back to this secular thinking and remind myself even in the logical, "lay my bets" sense, this is not a bad thing.

But obviously after you get touched by God, you're not supposed to remain a "hedger".
A christian by name only is hardly a true Child of God.

And yes, God knows it. ;P
--------------------------------------------------------

Wow thanks for your questions man.
like wasabi to a blocked nose, it really cleared up my thinking. :)

"Do not forget to entertain strangers, for by so doing some have entertained angels without knowing it" Hebrews (13:2)

that is not to say you're a stranger. :P