End Of The Season

this is the last post from Ewong in Alabama.
"Ewong De Gu Shi 2: Ewong Goes to Alabama" has come to a close.

Stay tune for Ewong De Gu Shi 3: One Flies Over the Cuckoo's Nest
Good Morning, Good Day, and Good Night

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15 months is a short time to go through,
but it is long enough to shape my thoughts.

I have learnt so much from Huntsville.
It brought out the positivity in me.
It developed the adult in me.
It drew out the kid in me.

Over here i can be kind, i can be friendly, and i can be nice.
without being naive.

I have helped, and i have been helped.
I have laughed, and i have made others laugh.
I have learnt, and i have taught.

You can take me out of Huntsvile,
and eventually,
You'll take the Huntsville out of me.
But my memories are mine to keep.

This is for everyone i've met.
this is for the charming little folks of Huntsville, Alabama.

------------------------------------------------------------

A Tribute to Huntsville, Alabama
- The Big Town with Small Town Charm

This is to..
my unfounded fears of racism, rednecks and KKK. Huntsville is a lot more multi-ethnic than i imagined.

This is to..
my brother who told me to bring along a pepper spray and learn self defence. "Better still, get a gun!"

This is to..
the time i was torn over the decision. Will I like it? What if i don't like it? What is there's no turning back? What if i have to live in a place full of loafers on the streets?

This is to..
the internet. where there are nice pictures and lots of information abt life in huntsville. where it states that Huntsville is ranked one of the top 10 places in america to retire in.

This is to..
my boss in singapore, who assured me life is safe in Huntsville. He's been there for 8 years.

This is to..
Stephanie chui. whose contribution to my dilemma was "you're going there to be a corn farmer???". she did add that "i only know the pple in the South speak funny, i don't really know anything else besides that."

This is to..
all my friends in singapore, most of whom i met up with "for the last time" before leaving. it really is a great feeling being forcefully aware of the precious things you've been taking for granted.

This is to..
the HR over here, who informed me hours before i flew off that i'll be living in an apartment that busted my budget 3 times over. She needed another week to find another apartment.

This is to..
my first night in Huntsville. No apartment, no one to pick me up. I didn't know where i was going, and i didn't know how to get to wherever i was going.

This is to..
my parents, who came with me for a week to make sure i'm settled.

This is to..
Katy. the lady boss of the first chinese restaurant we ate at. she found out we had no car in a non-public-transport town, and offered to drive us around amidst her busy schedule. She also asked her friends in the company to look out for me, to make sure i'm safe.

This is to..
the initial days. There was a real sense of helplessness and loneliness.

This is to..
my list of things-to-do. Get my identity number, open a bank account, get my phone line, get internet, learn to drive, get my driving license, buy a car, find a cheaper apartment, move to the cheaper apartment, paperwork to return to singapore, go to boston, go to vegas...

This is to..
the days of living on cash before my bank account opened. those were days of frugality to make sure i didn't run out. the days of trying to cook, and more often than not, making a mess of the dish. chicken and brocoli in cream of mushroom ranks as the worst dish ever. EVER. (and i still have to eat it. for two days.)

Cornflakes with milk was my favourite dish then.

This is to..
the rare treats i gave myself - eating out. there was a chinese restaurant just across the road. the one that was soon to be my 2nd home for the next year.

This is to..
grocery shopping. the store was 20 minute walk away. could only shop on weekends cos it's too dark after work on weekdays to walk safely. saturday mornings was spent listing what i needed for the week, making sure i can afford it, and making sure i can carry it for 20 mintues.

This is to..
walking in the winter cold with my empty backpack. it was below 10 celsius, sometimes with strong winds. I'd be bundled up, singing to my mp3 songs, observing nature, the green of the trees, the houses that reflected the american dream.

This is to..
walking back in the winter cold with a full backpack and occupied hands. it was below 10 celsius, sometimes with strong winds. i'd be bundled up, singing breathlessly to my mp3 songs, trying to move my fingers numb from the cold and weight of groceries, wondering how to scratch my nose, and hoping the daylight doesn't fade away until i'm home.

This is to..
the most treacherous trip. the one with the 24 roll pack of toilet paper. had to carry that at an angle otherwise it would drag on the floor. 20 minutes of flexing biceps.

This is to..
the christmas present i bought myself after my bank account cleared and i'm "rich" - a bicycle.
no more walking to buy groceries, now just cycling! jubilance faded after i realised the road to the grocery store is a slight slope. you don't notice slopes until you have to huff and puff up one.

This is to..
balancing milk on one handle bar and bread on the next one. in the winter cold with icicles
hanging from the nose.

This is to..
cycling to work one fine day for the heck of it. the office was a 15 minute drive away, so i figured it was just "round the corner". Took me 1 hour of going up and down slopes to get there. Then i realise to get home is another hour! it was too tiring to continue but too cold to stop. what a ride that was. never did it again.

This is to..
coming home to find the water heater burst. the bathroom flooded and i was left without hot water in winter. *dismay*. called the maintainance guy and became friends with him.

This is to..
my driving instructor. of how he keeps slapping my shoulder to "look behind". of how he exclaimed "you scared me Miss Yvonne! (more slaps on shoulder)" when i nearly drove us onto the grass patch and when i turned onto the wrong lane.

This is to..
my first driving test which i ran pass a red light so failed immediately.

This is to..
Alexander, who so patiently drove me for miles and miles to look for a car. who never turned down a request for help. whom i turned to when my car engine belt burst and was in a loss. who brought me to the casino and various pubs. who taught me how to fish. who was a man of dignity and character.

This is to..
my first car.

This is to..
my first car accident.

This is to..
the lowest point of my stay here. Going through the trauma of the accident and coming home to the apartment with no electricity. sitting in the dark with an overwhelming sense of helplessness and not really knowing who to call.

This is to..
chasing cockroaches around the apartment.

This is to..
my grandmother.

This is to..
Jen, Xiwen and Jialu. whose calls were comforting and kept me in touch with what was happening at home.

This is to..
Tony and his wife, extremely friendly and hospitable. invited me to a thanksgiving party.

This is to..
Marcus. who showed me what "american culture" was. 2 gay bars, plenty of drinks, couple of smokes, and one very memorable event.

This is to..
the old architecture of downtown, the magnificent churches and libraries, and the nature of the lakes and ponds.

This is to..
juggling. never a bored moment.

This is to..
the malaysian couple. we shared a common love of spicy food and a natural affinity as south east asians. Introduced me to the great indian restaurant.

This is to..
Judy. whom promised my dad to take care of me and held herself up to it. whom roped me in for all her parties and drove me to the airport whenever i went away. whose father was a picture of health and dignified aging and whose husband was a model of lovingness and care.

This is to..
all my funky illnesses. shingles, hives, fainting spells, hand eczema, and long bouts of common cold. the power of self healing and positive thoughts. the concern my colleagues showed when i got hives (the rest of my funky illnesses were invisible to them) was very touching, to say the least. My boss went out during lunch to buy me pills!

This is to..
Jim. My supervisor, who drove me to and fro work everyday until i got my car. whom was a very friendly, nice and funny guy. who brought me grocery shopping with him intially and bought me stuff like the 5 kg washing machine liquid to get me started.

This is to..
learning how to use the dishwasher (where to put soap?), electric stove (where's the fire?), oven (stopped using after both attempts at baking buns went up in smoke) and coffee maker (mom and i tried to boil water with it and flooded the whole table).

This is to..
Wayne. My real mentor. showed me everything he knew, gave me any resources i needed at work. Introduced me to everyone around. taught me the processes. a funny character. always there to help. drove me to work and home when jim couldn't. cleared my dead cockroaches. bought my extra microwave and bicycle. changed my car wipers when i appealed for help. my buddy. always there to help. always.

This is to..
randy, gary, fred. family guys, nice guys, down to earth, humble, funny. Fred drove me home in his ancient truck once. most interesting ride i ever had.

This is to..
Pete. who gave me an angel for my first christmas here. really appreciated that.

This is to..
craig. who gave me so much stressed initially with his "you're the engineer! you're supposed to know!". a very quirky personality but i find him funny.

This is to..
Richard, showed me how to go the analytical route.

This is to..
the team i worked with so closely. ginger is a picture of energy and let's-get-things-done oomph. she sees me like a daughter, the little girl. i respect her as a leader, and would love to pick up her attributes to improve my leadership skills. mike, joey, ted....characters, all of them.

This is to..
Tina, my teacher. i don't think i'll ever meet anyone more patient than her. a role model for christianity.

This is to..
the trials and tribulations of the workplace. the intial stages of learning. the inital stages of not knowing what's going on and therefore being very low-esteemed. picking up the knowledge as time went by. proving my worth. earning respect. the late nights. the arguments. the time with the A-hole and how i'm actually on pretty good terms with him now.

This is to..
the damn parallel parking.

This is to..
reading about the tsunami and hurricanes.

This is to..
the tornado warnings. the sirens that blasted and made me panick. where do i run to?

This is to..
Yang and Lin. the chinese restaurant bosses whom are like my siblings. Lin has boyish cheekiness with the sturdy responsible character of a head of family. Yang is pretty and easy to talk with.

This is to..
spending every sunday at the restaurant to help them as a cashier. it was fun meeting all sorts of pple walking in and out.

This is to..
learning how to make dumplings, the big lobster dinner, playing chess and mahjong till 3am, eating steamboat till 3am, just talking...about life, about politics, about china, about singapore, about social escorts, about strip clubs, about everything...

This is to..
the Lis, who in recent weeks treated me like their daughter. Li Tai Tai is the fiestiest lady i've seen for her age, speaks her mind and talks loudly and is quite funny. Prof Li has witty quips of his own.

This is to..
Fluff. Funny sweet guy, looks like santa claus or a character out of snow white. brought me to his farm where he and his mom showered me with hospitality. drove his tractor, carried hay, fished in his pond, shot his rifles, played with his kitten. went back a 2nd time to shoot fireworks and roam around the neighbourhood he grew up in, a place with natural springs and forests everywhere.

This is to..
the nights of inspiration. the nights of reflection. of wondering what i want and who i am.

This is to..
the times i blogged to capture my moments here and to output my thoughts so i'm clearer on who i am.

This is to..
me. For daring to take the plunge.
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A hit and run accident.
a car gets hit by a truck, the truck speeds off.
behind him, another truck speeds off after the errant truck to force him back.
5 minutes later, both trucks return.
the culprit owns up to the female driver whose car he hit.
the good samaritan leaves after getting thanked.

a parking lot.
a mercedes driver forgot to put on the brakes.
the mercedes slowly rolls away with no driver in sight.
strangers around rush to stop the car, while a lady runs into the store to holler for the owner of the merc.

a young lady comes into town all alone.
fresh out of school, with no car and no family and friends around.
people extend their help and friendship, going out of their way to welcome her.
"it is in my heart to help, because i have been helped much"

this town works on the basis of trust, humor and compassion.
that is the story of Huntsville, Alabama.

"I'VE BEEN ALRIGHT"

be careful what you wish for.

now really looks like no choice liao. the options keep getting narrower until there really isn't an option. which was what i was half expecting anyway, just wanted to think through it so i can make a quick decision if i have to.

the concept of home has never been more analysed. :) it's easy to make a decision using logical thought, then suddenly when it comes to the crunch, the clarity becomes a total blur. the head says "what's the problem?" but the body/heart/spirit just doesn't have that sort of conviction. it's a bit annoying that i have vague future plans and i pysched up for it and then conditions change so i need a new plan and re-pysching.

i'm ok with how things turn out. i suspect i'm actually relieved i don't have to make a tough choice. it is probably the best way, what it is now; it's not the most efficient, but at least i'll be comfortable with myself.

-------------------------------------

I finished upgrading the last bits of the machine today.

i'm extremely satisfied. :) it's running beautifully now. and what a struggle it has been to get it to this stage. it was a piece of expensive crap a few months ago. And there were so many factors involved, everyone started blaming something different. The technical expert on the other team was convinced on a theory totally opposite of mine. So i went the scientific route - i presented data. Data don't lie (in the hands of the honourable). my line of defence was "i'll accept i'm wrong if you prove me wrong."

he was unbelievably pissed off. what a time that was. to argue, to say "you're wrong", to hear him say "you guys have to be more intelligent". it took conviction to stand up to an expert. boy, what a ride.

He was finally convinced and they finally went to fix the root of the problem. today the last bit of the fix was put in place and i'm expecting a totally reliable equipment now. I've always had respect for him (which made it more hurtful when he was in ballistic mood and hurled at everyone, particularly me the rebel with data), and now i've earned his respect.

i guess with less than a month left here,
i can say,
"i've been alright".
I leave with the machines, that i fought so hard for, in great condition .
I leave with the love and friendship of many, and i've conducted myself honorably.
Not perfect enough for enlightenment, but i think i've been a good ambassador.
The past year, i can say i've lived up to being a Buddhist, and an Engineer.
I've helped, and i've been helped.
--------------------------------------------------

i feel a sense of pity that i'm a square marshmallow squeezed into a round hole
i feel pity that i'll be taken away from things i like to do (analytical developmental work) and where i can contribute most
i feel bad that only 60% of me is used and i've allowed 40% go to waste. Like it is my fault. And it is, for allowing it to happen.

if there's a will, there's a way.
i'm afraid even my will will be taken away.
eventually.

-----------------------------------------------------

All things must come to an end.
it's annoying to get comfy and then jump out of the zone and re-adjust to life again.
the positive side is this is the closet thing to dying.
leaving indefinitely, almost forever.
the air smells different as i breathe in my last breaths of air, the grass look greener and the stars never looked prettier. Driving never felt so good, the mundane feels exceptional.
these sputs of awareness and gratitude probably makes the pain of moving worthwhile.

i've been alright.

Words...not mine.

one thing led to another and suddenly i stumbled upon these....

---------------------
From http://gweeb.pitas.com/novdec03.html:

anyway what i had intended to say was that i felt very proud when i read the beatrice chia interview on the papers today and that i aspire to be like her [minus the kinky part] and that i like mrs carmee lim cos she's quite old but still so feisty and that i think the current rgs girls are becoming deborahtan-ish and no offence to her but i think she's dull and so all the rg girls are becoming girl versions of ri guys and that even tho carmee lim sometimes implements wacky ideas that hold no purpose i say thats fine cos she's got the clout to attract sponsors so i dont mind all that fanfare afterall.. oh ya and that if i had a daughter i'd send her to rgs cos it's sucha fine school [really!] but i hope by then some of the more dynamic teachers like sandy leow or edna tan would have risen the ranks but if i had a boy i wouldnt send him to ri cos....
---------------------------------------------------
From
http://papayagirl1982.blogspot.com/2003_11_01_papayagirl1982_archive.html

now, i'm an rgs girl. that much is obvious to anyone who has ever met a bunch of rgs girls as a base for comparison. random strangers off the street go 'you went to Raffles, didn't you' moments after they hear me open my mouth for the first time. in fact, i couldn't imagine where else i would like to send my daughters [i must be a disappointment to my mother, who is a st. nicholas girl through and through, and would have liked her only daughter to have been one too!] than my own alma mater, because of the education she will receive and the kind of -you can make the world a better place- attitude that we seem to come out of secondary school with. Filiae Melioris Aevi indeed. perhaps it was all carmee's influence, who knows.

i object to Chua Mui Hoong's implication that an RGS education is all about getting good
grades. i certainly didn't come through with an impeccable report book, and i know lots of my friends didn't either. we spent countless hours in choir rehearsals and debate meetings; and almost as many hours lounging in a macs on orchard road eating fries and BBQ-sauce and blabbering about our favourite books --which had nothing to do with school AT ALL. in fact, we went to the library tons of times together - to get favourite fiction authors out of the library -- and i can't remember the last time i got a work-related book out of the rgs library. it was all about the terry pratchetts and the orson scott cards i couldn't bring myself to buy because i was a poor secondary school student then. =)

ooh, and who can forget sitting in the HD at the Mariott trying to decide what delicious
confection to try next?

i loved my time in RGS, and i really like the kind of person it has made me. and my best friends. of course, i'm biased -- i am a big fan of my own kind, i guess --birds of a feather flock together and all that jazz. but on the whole i think i prefer being an articulate -well most of the time-, semi-intelligent, competitive and argumentative person who nitpicks about the meanings of words rather than be imprecise. i guess i've been fortunate in going to various schools that have been able to pick out and shape the best bits of the academic, intellectual me, while giving me various people who have shaped the emotional, human me.

i guess that really is what i want to pass on to my daughter -if one day i have a daughter, who knows i might have all boys, the horror-: the entire experience of an education that has made the most of the raw material that was kind of just sitting there behind my eyes the entire time. but as a start i think i would like to send her off to rgs, assuming that it hasn't turned into a pressurecooker, academics-only focused school ...in which case i will pack her off to SCGS so that she can at least 'marry well', to quote Chua Mui Hoong!
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From
http://yitkaleidoscope.blogspot.com/2004_07_01_yitkaleidoscope_archive.html

The class of 2002 directory was lying innocently at the bottom of the pile when I finally took notice of it. I flipped it open and found this on the first page. "To produce leaders of distinction and dignity, committed to life-long learning, living meaningful lives and serving society." I'm sure all of us will strive to live up to the school's mission. The first time then principal, the very well-loved Mrs. Carmee Lim mentioned it to us I thought it sounded far-fetched, almost snobbish. But the portals of RGS really do magical things to you. I teared a little just now, the feeling of nostalgia hit me real bad. I realised all these while, I haven't moved on. I am still very much part of my alma mater.
---------------------------------------------
From
www.livejournal.com/~thelastvestiges/

That’s sad. I’ll miss RGS so much more than I care to admit. Will definitely go back and visit. The teachers who touched my life, the friendships I forged, the moments of class spirit when competition didn’t cloud our already inadequate visions… Definitely the teachers rank first. I’ve had some great teachers who have not only taught, but also inspired. Their concern is palpable, and I definitely respect a few for their professionalism and their impartiality. I’ll always remember the closeness of the student-teacher dynamic in RGS. I’ll miss them so much, but there shall be no dedications, because I’ve written and said all I want to say to them already, though I doubt that’s hardly ever going to be enough to express my immense gratitude and love for them. They’ll always have a special place in my heart, for being teachers and much more.
-------------------------------------

Thoughts so eloquently expressed and feelings so equally shared. I especially like

"because of the education she will receive and the kind of -you can make the world a better place- attitude that we seem to come out of secondary school with. Filiae Melioris Aevi indeed. perhaps it was all carmee's influence, who knows."

and

"The first time then principal, the very well-loved Mrs. Carmee Lim mentioned it to us I thought it sounded far-fetched, almost snobbish. But the portals of RGS really do magical things to you. I teared a little just now, the feeling of nostalgia hit me real bad. I realised all these while, I haven't moved on. I am still very much part of my alma mater. "

i have moved on by the way..especially now that the school is under a different management and a different philosophy, i imagine. but i'm still very much nostalgic and thankful for what i had then and it's great to know and read about others out there.

it may all very well have been the carmee lim effect. maybe the school personnified her vision, passion and enthusiasm. she has plenty to be proud of, influencing the thoughts of so many and leaving her legacy behind.

i've been really moody the last couple of days. i almost wish there is no choice. and maybe there isn't. my head says one thing and my heart says i'm an idiot. master archer pissed me off BIG time. pple can be unbelievably blind. They should start teaching "Human Relations" in school and that's all you'll ever need an A for.

i really don't know what i want....not now, not ever.

*RESPECT*

I just found good coffee!
yay!
tastes just like Nescafe's chilled coffee...this one's from Starbucks.

my dry hands may actually be symptoms of hand eczema
damn it, whenever winter comes round i get all sort of weird stuff
last year i fainted twice, got something that looks like shingles, and hives.
this year i got a 2 week long flu (twice!)
and now hand eczema.
sigh.
i'm not even a sickly person okay...hardly fall ill in sg.

played chinese chess and mahjong till 3am on friday.
was so sleepy i played like a drunk.
i reached the chinese bosses' apartment 10 minutes after they went home.
chinese boss was walking around with a sword in hand.

"why are you walking around with a toy sword?"
"what toy sword? this is real! the light was on when we got home so i'm checking all the rooms for intruders."

it's amusing how impulsive his action was (checking rooms ready for kill)
but also kind of heroic
like a warrior protecting his family
---------------------------------

went juggling yesterday
came back with cracked nails, bleeding fingers and a bruised lip
battle weary

------------------------------------

One of the projects at work had a major screw up
i'm not involved in that project but it was the same teams members i work with
Casually asked GB what happened there, after explaining a little bit she ended off firmly with

"i take responsibility for it. i'm the program manager and the buck stops with me."

*r-e-s-p-e-c-t*
i don't know details of the screw up and whose fault is it but regardless, i respect the way she took it squarely on her shoulders and not point it to everyone, which would have been easy to do.

her response was also a total contrast to my arch nemesis, whom i wouldn't be surprise if he was the root of the whole screw up given his usual bullshit-more-than-action ways. He was going around pointing fingers at everyone and saying he pretty much did what he was supposed to do so of course not his fault.

As a fellow team member, i know something for sure.
respect must be earned, especially when you're in a leadership position.
once you get the respect, pple will listen and go that extra mile for you

------------------------------

i think i've learnt a lot of team dynamics in the past year
there were a lot of technical stuff i picked up too but team dynamics is eye-opening

i saw how the pple who make the final decisions sometimes have no idea what the whole picture is
information gets lost or misconstrued along the way
and in the end the decision made is an illogical one
so it's up to us pions at the bottom to make sure the head knows what the backside is doing.

the teams are huge and it can be troublesome (to me at least) to let everyone know what's happening.
but it has to be done so everyone is on the same page
don't assume they know what you know.
assume that everyone assumes things.

there are some pple who are trying their best to keep the project afloat
they do things in the interest of the project
but the project gets easily sabotaged by other pple who bullshit their way through

the team and scope is huge, so i have to trust what you say.
when you bullshit, and i take your word, in the end the issue does not get solved and we go one big round doing something un-necessary.

in the end more and more problems will crop up until it becomes a massive mess.

the silver lining,
is that bullshit does not hold water for long.
dig deeper and you'll see this does not make sense.

the golden lining,
is that once i know you're a bullshitter, i stop listening to you.
i want proof that you're not crapping
it makes things slightly slower, but still better than going in circles.
that's why it's important to earn trust and don't break it, then things can move much faster.

the true role of a leader or manager is to surround yourself with pple who do real work.
if someone is sian-ing, you have to catch it before the project completely drowns.
do not get blinded by flattery and fluff.

good management is also keeping team morale high, and as far as possible retaining the pple who are worthy.

it's pretty interesting to observe all these....

Chicken Soup For My Soul

Choice....

is a scary thing.

it's terrifying.

it's a good thing, but it's scary.

because suddenly you're forced to make a decision,
to think through what you want, where you're going
you can't just let the days go by anymore,
cos now there's a junction.
left or right. or straight.
choose your own adventure.

maybe like the movie "sliding doors"
you go different routes but end up in the same place anyway
but then the same place don't mean you're the same person.
"you" consist of your experiences.
a different experience makes a different you.
but it's still comforting to know that you end up in the same place.

on the other hand, what if life is like the book series "choose your own adventure",
make the right choice and you can be the hero
the wrong one and you see "The ENd"
unlike the book, you can't turn back the pages in real life

then again, perhaps choice is an illusion
you already know what you're gonna choose
you just don't know it yet.

Uncertainty....

is exciting.
when you don't know what can happen, it means anything can happen.
anything, and everything.

it's an especially nice situation when any of the uncertain outcomes are acceptable
or maybe it's just how you look at things.
everything has a bright side.
focus on that and everything is acceptable.

BUT
don't settle for less
reach for the vision
you already know what you want to be
don't settle
--------------------------------------------

embrace the uncertainties that come by
some are surprises, some are shocks
most screw your long term plans up, but so what
a rigid long term plan is meant to be broken

but you need to have vision
to guide you in choices
what else would you base your decisions on

if i base it on money,
i don't know where that will lead me.
i haven't read one book that says that's the way to go to happiness,
and i won't use the one life i have to experiment.

-------------------------------------

you are morally obligated to find and pursue your interest.
because if everyone does what they are interested and hence best in,
the world is a much better place.
the only way you can contribute to the world your full potential,
is to do what you're meant to do,
utilize your gift.

gift don't mean genius
gift means interest
you're interested in music but you're not world class
so what
rejoice in teaching music
that's your gift, from the world, back to the world

pursue your interest
and hard work is not hard at all
hard work will be rewarded.
no bullshit. just hard honest responsible work.
it pays.
believe that.
--------------------------------

think short term.
think in terms of a few years.
have a 5 year plan. 3 years. 2 years.
what if you're gone after those years.
what if you're banished.
what if you vanished.
what do you want to get done.
no bullcrap like busting the account or robbing the bank.
simple stuff.
and do it.

--------------------------------

contentment is not the opposite of ambition.
contentment is to be happy with what you have,
but it's not about losing the desire to improve oneself.

contentment is saying "hey i'd like to get there if i have time, but if not, that's alright."

-------------------------------

From Million Dollar Baby which is an extraordinary show and the twist caught me completely off guard:
(quoted from memory)

"I killed her"
"No, you took her in, and you gave her a shot at her dream. People die everyday, Frankie, washing dishes, mopping floors. But how many get to be champions, and hear the crowd chant their names, and live their dreams. i bet on her last breath, she's thinking 'i've been alright'. and if i were you, i'd say the same to myself."
-----------------------------------------

the next few weeks will be exciting ones.

More Brain Games

Have been playing chinese chess a lot lately
what a thrill when you play with someone around your own level, or a bit higher
it's like if you play with a top notch expert, not fun cos sure lose
if play with beginner not fun cos not challenging

at the same level, that's the best
we can both anticipate each other's tactics and think of ways to crack it
Just had a particularly good game where we were both on the verge of winning
the difference between us was one step
what a thrill
so exciting, one wrong move and it's the end
(the score now is 1-1, and one draw)
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Had a bet with W that for every day i go without makeup, i'll give him a dollar
i just decided one day that i need to have a bit of color on my cheeks and stop looking like i just came from Elm Street
he looked at me like "ok whatever..."

it's working so far
been spending that extra 10 minutes painting myself
(and being late for work some days)
even when i'm keeling over from sleepiness
i think of that dollar and just suka brushed myself
it's not the money...it's the bet.

need to make it a habit
and gradually add on to my currently light makeup
so i'm on my way to looking like a full fledge mamasan soon.
yeeha!
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Saw Tony Robbins on Larry King the other day
promoting his new book on relationships
his brief advice before they cut him off for the freakin advertisement is
you have to first know what you want, then you have to figure out how to attract them
it's a more inward approach of changing yourself than an outward thing
i think that is applicable to everything
know what you want and then mould yourself into the shape that fits the hole
and the opportunities will seek you like bees to honey and flies to trash
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playing chinese chess reminded me of the primary school days
that's where i picked the game up
it's mainly a boy kind of thing
our class had 7 boys
and they infected almost the whole class

there was nothing to do after the exam period
so everyone started playing chess
we had some sort of informal tournament with some kind of ranking system
and when an expert plays with a non-expert that he doesn't like
you get stuff like the expert doesn't go for the quick kill
he slowly eats up every piece then uses his knights to slowly trap the opponent's king while he and the on-looking crowd sing "xiao3 xiao3 bing1"
it's pretty funny

Judy was amazed when i told her that's how i learnt to play chess
"so the children there play chess when there'e nothing to do? no wonder singapore does not have delinquents!"

chinese lady boss did not know how to play chess but she knew gai4 qi2, or "covered chess"
which is a game based on abt 60% luck and 40% technique
so anyway we started playing that and we did a scissors paper stone to see who starts

or at least i thought it's scissors paper stone
apparantly she's never heard of that
they have their own system somewhat like that but no scissors, paper or stone
it's thumb, first finger and pinkie.

so the first time we did it, i showed the scissors and she gave the first finger
and we're both like what the hell is that??!
that's pretty funny.

which got me thinking back to the dear old primary school days again
the girls played skipping and hopskotch a lot
and they have to scissors paper stone to see who starts
(i say "they" because i hang around the gang to make a lot of noise but i don't really skip nor hop)

and then somehow scissors paper stone became a game theory in itself
someone developed some kind of theory on how you can almost always win in a game of 5 rounds
and we'd go around playing the 5 rounds so fast there wasn't even enough time to say "scissors, paper, stone"
it'll be something like "stonestone stone stonestone. i win"

those were fun days.

hopskotch, skipping (teddy bear teddy bear turn around. teddy bear teddy bear touch the ground. teddy bear teddy bear on one leg....), zero point (where the likes of irene cynthia and shiyun did jumps even pole vaulters will be proud of), zi gu ba, the all time favourtie recess period game - "one leg", who ate the cookie from the cookie jar, marbles, Dog and Bone, burying dead birds in the sand pit, climbing fences with cynthia soh and getting smacked in the butt by Mrs Quek walking by......

when i went back at 18 to do relief teaching
the kids weren't playing any of these games anymore
in fact i don't even see anyone really playing anything
During one of the PE periods i introduced them to "One Leg"
even i joined in
one big humptey Dumptey hopping on one leg trying to catch squealing 9 year olds
not sure if it's a smart thing cos it's near the end of the day and parents were standing nearby watching me hop
some of them were smiling so i guess it's ok
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one chinese chess game
so many memories

Happy Nerd

Have been spending my time juggling and programming.
what a happy nerd i am.

finally managed to get the 633.
realised i have been trying to do 6333 all these while
that is an invalid siteswap so of course i kept fumbling
my notebook is full of numbers that makes no sense unless you speak jugglenese
441, 531, 615150....

had to skip juggling 2 days this week
got too caught up trying to get my programe to work
that's another addiction

it's fun to have a real life problem and try to find a solution where there's no "right" answer
it's even more fun that no one really asked me to work on it..i just wanted to do it.
the problem is a real issue alright
and master archer as usual talked more than try to do anything
he really is a master at pushing responsibilities away
pointing fingers at every party except try to do anything

anyway we had a meeting with our managers
the managers listened to us because we had more involvement in the project
master archer spoke the loudest so in the end the consensus was to push the problem to the other company, in true master archer fashion

which of course works for me too cos if it's someone else's problem then it's less work for me
but it does look like it's something we should solve
and since i have the time i might as well dig into it instead of let the voice of master archer drag everyone around in circles

besides the fact that i have fun tackling these sort of challenges
i think that's what an engineer should be
someone who solves problems
i may not be able to solve it myself but at least TRY for goodness sake
and pull the resources together
an engineer by name is not always an engineer

anyway
i now know more abt Excel than i ever have
what a powerful program
and i only got into it almost by accident, when a customer showed me how he did his spreadsheet
the things you see when you open your eyes
beginning to pick up basic batch file scripting because of this problem
the internet is an unbelievably useful learning tool
(i'm happy now cos i just found and sort of tested the finishing touches to my program)

if only everyone's first inclination when facing an issue is to tackle it instead of push it away,
the world will be so much more efficient
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Nice Juggling Quotes from various sources which sums up how i feel:

"Juggling allows me to be in a different world and forget my troubles," he says. "It's something you can do by yourself. ..."

After leaving the stressful everyday environment I work, I get home,walk to the park and have a go at my favorite past-time. I can juggle for hours, achieving a zen-like indifference to the world around me and all the stresses I left behind for the day. The worst thing that can happen is my 5 ball pattern collapses in on itself, no worries there is always tomorrow, and the next day...

When i feel like i'm in a comfortable and rhythmic flow. When my body and my props become just a landscape, I feel like the time seems like "paused" and i'm in the silent peace.

There are those moments or runs that feel like a timeless eternity - its one of the most beautiful and sublime feelings there are - and I sometimes get into it when my juggling is supreme. It is truly a juggling induced higher state of consciousness.

For me it is the sense of "flow." I feel taken to a higher state when I get into the trance of the pattern. When you master a new pattern it starts getting slower and slower until only your mind remains in eternal, beautiful......

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i just bought the Weezer and Sugarland CDs
not sure if Sugarland is a hit in singapore since they're a country band
their first two hit songs are about dreams so i'll support them
Weezer got me thinking hard cos i've only heard one song from David Letterman (a kickass one too)
but you can't go wrong with Weezer
and so far i think i'm right

my car is officially up for sale
and instead of bargaining the price down
pple are fighting for it and pushing the price up!
that works for me......

A GOOD DAY

consists of:

1) waking up at noon
2) juggling the afternoon away (3pm to 6.30pm)
3) eating indian buffet for dinner - haven't eaten my favourite curry dish for 3 months. didn't know i missed it until i tasted the curry...mmmmm......


New Year's Day consists of:

1) Juggling


Irony consists of:

1) wearing a 2nd hand office coat for the entire year, where the pocket is half torn and the sleeve has holes. With one month left to go, boss gives me 3 brand new coats.

2) for one year i hunted up and down for a juggling club in my town, to no avail. With one month left to go, the magic club spots me juggling and invites me to their magic-and-a-bit-of-juggling club.

3) i only bought a pass for 10 visits to the nearby college sports hall. For one year i rationed my visits. With one month left to go i realised i have 5 visits left so i need to use it up quick. And magic man offers me 3 more free visits.


( [4,4], [4,4]), (4,0)

that's juggling language. numbers and brackets are used to describe patterns. I love that one best, cos it looks so cheem. well come to think of it, this one's even better:

(6x, 4x) (2x, 4x) (4x, 6x) (4x, 2x)

haven't tried juggling that yet. bet it's gonna be as hellish as it looks.