**the following post was written while i was still recovering from nausea.**

Blardy Shit

just went to the rocket centre.
took a ride where the room spun so fast we're pinned to the walls at the force of dunno how many Gs. the floor then dropped off while the fats in my cheeks magnetized to the wall.

it was pretty fun, but it gave me nausea that i wasn't able to shake off for the rest of the day.
it didn't help that i was feeling weak with hunger too. and i chewed gum, which never fails to make me bloat with air (euphemism for fart-a-lot).

so i got out of that ride, and stumbled my way to a scarier ride. Given that i was still recovering from my spinning brain juice, i was quite prepared not to do any more rides. I was perfectly contented to just stand there and watch silly pple scream their ass off.

*pish!* the ride shot up to the moon.
no one screamed.
i was extremely surprised. maybe the ride wasn't as scary as my common sense warned me. besides most of the pple in the ride were children. if they can take it so can i.

without giving my cowardy side a chance to speak i headed straight in (there wasn't much of a queue). As i buckled up the 12 year old girl in the next seat turned to me:

"is this the first time you're riding this?"
"yaah"
"this is my 25th ride."
"is it scary?"
"the first time yes, but you'll get used to it. at the peak you'll lift off your seat, but it's not too bad. on the way down it's horrible, screaming should make you feel better."
"now i'm scared."
"it's really ok"

*pish!*

"holy fuck!"
(i would have screamed that, but my face was too scrunched up)

12 year old turned to me while we're somewhere in the clouds:

"you're not screaming."
"mmmfmfmfmfm" (hard to speak with lips and eyes shut tight)
"are you ok?????"
"it's slowing down....now i'm ok....woooh" when what i really meant was "girl you got balls of steel!"

as i unbuckled myself and stumbled out of the seat, dizziness mulitiplied and hands shaking, 12 year old and her friend was already in the line for the next ride.

"26th time!"
"you go girl!" i gave her a quivering thumbs up.

children.
when will they stop making adults look bad.

i stumbled back into the musuem and before i knew it i was in the line for the simulator ride.
it's one of those singaporean-get-your-money's-worth syndrom.
i wasn't gonna go back so i wanted to check out what's in the mysterious simulator.

before the ride even started i knew it wasn't the best idea.
it was a good thing the ride wasn't particularly rough so i didn't puke all over the little container 16 of us were sardined in.

i was so hungry and nauseas by then i had to grab something to eat.
what do you eat at the rocket centre?
astronaut ice cream.
Freeze-Dried Ready-to-Eat Neapolitan Ice Cream.
it tasted a bit like xiao man tou.
very expensive, xiao man tou.

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the rocket centre is the main attraction of this place
and i waited for 8 months for the perfect day to go.
winter is too cold, spring got too many school tours there etc etc
i was waiting for the perfect time where there will be no crowd and i can take my very own private tour

visiting engineers who went there said there's hardly any pple there
and locals have been telling me no one goes there except tourists and honestly how many tourists would actually come to this town?

so i decided today was the perfect day
it's summer hols so there will be no school trips. hopefully it's summer so it's too hot for most pple to venture out. and anyway i'm going home soon and at the rate i'm procastinating i may never visit the rocket centre.

i drove there and saw a packed parking lot.
blardy shit.
and then i connected with what's on the news these few days.
a hurricane is headed towards the south of US and there is manadatory evacuation.
so everyone from down under is moving up. all the hotel rooms in town are fully booked.

i waited 8 months for the perfect day.
and the perfect day turned out to be the day with hurricanes and busloads of tourists.

it's not just loser.
it's 3-D loser.

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it's not all that bad.
really.
i would have liked it to be quieter, but it really wasn't that crowded.
for one i was most afraid of the queues for the rides. but there was hardly a queue. maybe most pple did not venture in far enough to find the rides. or maybe it was too hot and they didn't want to venture outdoors. or maybe they were misled in thinking there was nothing there or just kiddy rides. or maybe they knew better than to sit in rides that give headaches so bad you get desperate enough to eat astronaut ice-cream.

as with anything that you anticipate 8 months for, the centre wasn't as exciting as i thought it would be. at first i was thinking "god how can anyone make something as fascinating as space so boring?" i think the Singapore Science Centre is more interesting.

but as it went on i grew more into it and it's really not that bad. and to be fair maybe i'm just not so interested in big machine and engine models.

i'm still totally absolutely in awe of space and the astro/cosmo/taiko/juggle?-nauts. and i feel somewhat sad abt those nauts who lost their lifes. they just seem so smart you know?quite wasted to have smart pple blast to pieces. (that's the nausea talking)

Do i recommend the rocket centre? yes. just don't get the membership pass, but it's worth a visit. and if you sit next to a 12 year old on her 278th ride, say hi for me.

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The Boom Gloom Moom Sherbang

i got very distracted this week
so didn't pia so hard at work
paced myself a bit more
it can get boring when there's nothing to do, or it can be relaxing

note that i didn't slack, i just didn't pia

i realised that one can (and i actually do suspect one) get by day to day without really doing much
if you find things to do, there is a lot you can do
it's just how much you want to do

AY said something interesting this week
he told me very solemnly that i need to assert myself more or i'll get walked over or pushed to the side
he was genuinely concerned which made it seem funnier, it's like one of those "my girlfriend's jealous of everyone i talk to but she's ok when i talk to you" comments you know? things that on hindsight you think "actually that sounds quite insulting ah"

anyway
i told AY he'd be surprise how well the soft approach works sometimes
he said "the soft approach will never get you far, like into management"

i found that interesting.

Firstly, where did the implicit assumption that i wanted to get into management come from? on a related note, notice how "far" as in progress is synonomous with "management" as in promotion.

2) if going into management requires something that is not in my personality, then perhaps management is not for me? and perhaps i need to be in a field where i am rewarded for progress not related to how high i go up the hierachy?

i find it uneasy how we so lazily and conveniently associate progress with promotion. in the bereaucratic sense, progress is rising up the hierachy. but as an individual, unless something up there interests you, then blindly following that path just leads you to boom gloom moom sherbang.

At 18 i panicked cos i didn't know what i wanted to do (and in singapore you don't actually get the opportunity or time to find out). After i graduated i panicked cos i didn't know what i wanted to do. Today i'm still quite unsure what i want to do. Maybe 30 years later i still dun know.
but one philosophy never fails me. "follow your interest-let it be your compass".

i forgot which book that came from. sekali it's from a rap song.
my interest is slowly taking more visibly solid shape, i think. Wonder where it will take me.

so this week has been a good week, work-wise.
i paced myself more, everything was kept in order, and i had the time and freedom to conduct my own experiments and solve team problems with the team. i love it when i can dig deep into problems and find some headway.

AY was telling me abt a fresh grad he was interviewing and "man, she has a mouth". she was telling him that she's out to prove herself and blah blah. (that's where he started plodding me to have more of a mouth.)

The curse of bereaucracy is that sometimes there are too many mouths and too little action. that's why there are delays, cos sometimes pple dun really know what's happening and they can get away with it.

too much action no mouth also cannot.
too many mouths too little action also cannot.
there must be a proportion in the organization.
but as a person if i have to choose one over the other, i'll take knowledge over mouth.

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i mentioned before that i aspire to have the diligent ways of RB, the analytical ways of RG, the networking skills of W and the heart and team spirit of CC. W's skills is probably my hardest one to attain. but i'm beginning to think CC's quality is the precious one, where in his own words, "it's all about keeping intact the integrity of the product". with the right mindset and attitude, everything else falls in place.

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Here's a lesson in counting chickens before they hatch.

yesterday i was with CC and FJ trying to solve a problem. FJ managed to get the program to work and we started a congratulatory party by praising each other. Both of them said stuff that meant more to me than they realised.

FJ (whom's a nice guy and very responsible. good person to work with) said that "you've really grown since you got here and this training has been good for you cos...you're good!"

i told CC how he stressed me out so much when i first got to know him. He kept saying "you're the engineer! you're supposed to know!" gosh i hated that line cos it made me feel so inadequate. Part of the painful process of learning the ropes.

he's much nicer now by the way.

anyway CC said "we've been working here years and years and suddenly comes a girl who just came out of school and she knows everything*!"

that surprised me since he was the one who kept going "you're the engineer! you're supposed to know!"

anyway, just writing those lines down cos, like i said, they meant more to me than i think FJ and CC realised. or maybe i'm just blowing my own trumpet on my own blog in a 3D loser way.

and then of course after all the hi fives, the program stopped working. We became solemn again. it was quite funny.

"i guess next time we should wait a bit longer before getting so happy"

*i dun know everything. I hope to and i'll try, but i dun.
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