End of an Era

i resigned last week.

everytime i go through transitions I start to get reflective.
Every major change is the dawn of a new era.

The last three years were amazing in terms of personal change.
I got a new job.
I became a Toastmaster.
I became a Christian.

All in the same year, within months of each other.

I'm almost a completely different person from the one 3 years ago.

it is with a rather heavy heart that i tendered my resignation.
that's what happens when you leave when things are ok.
All the good things are very apparant when things are ok.

(which was why i resolved never to quit, or kill myself for that matter, when things are tough. Leave for pull factors, not push factors)

The episode with Permanent PMS still makes me smile.
He is still the only one in my entire working career I've not managed to soften up;
my perserverance only seemed to make him worse.

My intuition then was that I can't leave the company until i resolve things with him
(there were so many times I didn't want to try anymore, trust me, just pack and go.)
After much prayers for a resolution,
God removed him!
He resigned sometime last year, for greener pastures.

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I appreciate the humane culture of the company.
Things are crappy sometimes but one thing i cannot complain is that pple are generally quite considerate to each other and what we can do.
it's not a culture of "do it or die".

My manager stands for special mention.
He is a christian too and what a good testimony he has been.
very energetic, very extroverted, and very considerate.

He saved me a lot of money in the beginning by waiting out my bond even though I was prepared to pay it off,
and even now he offered to explore giving me no-pay leave instead of a resignation.

When he heard about Cambodia, he knew there was no way to counter offer.

"If you're going for another job, we can still talk it through. but cambodia! How to discuss?"

For all the perks of the job though,
I always knew it wasn't the right fit.

And so marks the end of this era.
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I got re-acquainted with my old neglected buddies, those bright orange juggling clubs yesterday.
Figured it'll be the last activity i did before i turned 30.

It was a good session,
even managed a few decent cycles of 5 clubs.

A few passers-by gave me a smile as they walked by,
one old indian uncle stopped and asked how long i've been juggling.

I listened to a track from WJF years ago,
and remembered the days at Las Vegas.
where all we did was eat sleep and juggle.

These clubs should be coming with me to Cambodia.
I'll fit them in together with Sok Son's rice cooker.

Alan gave me a buzz to discuss about busking.
I told him I'm quitting and should be free in March.

"Are you sure? that's what you've been telling me for the last two years!"
"haha, this time i'm sure."

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The worst thing to have on my birthday is an extended CNY family gathering.
i'm beginning to really dread family gatherings now since cambodia started.

Thank God i wasn't at the same table most of the time so i was pretty sheltered from the storm,
mom only told me what happened after we got home.
(and of course she brought back the storm)

i'm not looking for intense support,
but intense discouragement really puzzles me.

"puzzle" is a very mild term i'm using.

Whenever I hear crazy ideas from pple,
i genuinely listen to what they are saying.
And even if i wouldn't do what they want to do,
I'd still wish them all the best.
Go for it. Do what you believe in.

I don't understand why and where these judgemental attitudes are coming from.
and what shit has it got anything to do with them anyway?

oh i can so feel myself flaring up.
there are so many counter judgemental things I wanted to raise up,
but then the term "be gracious" reins me in.

In the house two toddlers were fighting over a toy,
and the adults were coaxing them "to share".
the irony of the situation.
oh the irony.
if that's what we're teaching our children then why won't we just apply it to our adult lives!
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If there's a silver lining,
I do get very encouraging feedback from some pple,
usually the more religious (not necessarily christian) ones.

and i'm beginning to understand first hand that everything worth doing, and everything that goes against the common flow, comes with its share of criticism.

patch got kicked out of med school.

even mother teresa was maligned when she started confiding closely with her presiding priest during her early days where God gave her very clear visions and burdens and the other sisters thought they were having an affair and transferred her out of her beloved monastery.

so..
shit happens.

it's important to be an encourager.
cynicism kills more dreams than cancer kills pple right.

My colleague just reminded me that day that i have a knack of going to all the dangerous places.
when thailand was rioting you wanted to go.
then now cambodia!
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This blog has been around since 2004!
I just went through all my "birthday" posts through the years.
Almost all were non-events. :)

That suits me fine.

I should end this post on a happier note.

My family was doing lo hei at home last week,
and we knew we were supposed to say those chinese phrases but no one knew the words.

"Maybe the maid knows" my bro added helpfully.
"ok i'm going to pour the stuff now" dad said
"Wait! we must shout the chinese verses" i stopped him
"but nobody knows the verse then shout what?".
"ok, peanut...hua sheng...hua..hua...er..hua..."
"hua hua xing nian kuai le!" dad shouted and poured the nuts.

next was the pepper.

"hu jiao fen right..so jiao...er..jiao....jiao...hua...kai..hua...."
"We should go to a restaurant and shout all these really loudly," bro added.
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My room is full of things i can't do.
one unicycle, one rola bola, and now two guitars.

Bro was helping me tune the guitar I borrowed from Pok.

"it's spoilt. You can't tune this string. See, the sound doesn't change when i turn the knob."
"Never mind la, we ignore that string."
"ya, then you might as well ignore all the strings"

So i borrowed his guitar, one that he continuously reminded me not to break.
"how am i gonna break it? do a heavy metal move and smash it against the wall??"
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it's all cool.

if it's worth doing, you'll prob get criticised for it.

i'm ready to be 30.