Do You Believe in Angels

i just might,
after tonight.

it has been a truly weird past 6 hours.

first up, i found out something that was devastating.
it really was.
the light and hope that i've been carrying the past few days to keep my spirits up got snuffed out.
no more plan, no more backup plan, no more light, no more hope.

the anger and frustration was indescribable.
was gonna blog right there and then and it would have been filled with F words,
mainly directed to myself.

i decided to juggle first instead.
i needed to calm down, to take my mind off things, or just to do something.
wasn't really juggling in the end,
more like sorting my thoughts while my arms and eyes followed the clubs.

i was down, out of hope
i was prepared to keel, it was too hard to fight
it's all abt the money, to hell with what i want
passion and dreams suck, engineering sucks
if i have to grow up, then that's what i'll do
if i have to be a bitch, then that's what i'll be
i lose, you win.

Like a Father reprimanding an errant child,
as if The One was trying to knock senses into me,
one of my clubs landed squarely on my eye.
Ouch.

Not that that made me any less angry and frustrated.
i came home all prepared to vent it out by blogging
in my mind i could only think of F words

while waiting for the website to load,
the phone rings.
"yo where are you? come down to the restaurant lei, we'll wait for you for dinner."

i was still extremely upset, but thought some human contact might do good.
and it did.
we had dinner, chit chatted a bit with the restaurant bosses as well.
i told him of my problem, and though there really wasn't a solution, it feels better talking abt it.
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i feel better now.
dunno if the feelings are just merely being temporarily buried.
if so, they'd resurface at some point anyhow.
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doesn't it look like
there's an angel standing beside me
watching how upset i was
and swinging a club at me (the one that hit me in the eye) to stop me from cursing and swearing at everything
and then arranging the phone call to pick me out of the gloom

it also looks like i'm reading too much into things
oh well, it makes a nice story

on tv right now is a pastor giving a motivational speech on
"how to stop putting the blame on others for our own bad bahavior"

"i met a guy who said ' you can't blame me for being so negative, look at what i've been through'. I say enough, we should start being responsible for ourselves, and stop pointing fingers at the environment or anything else"

the angel probably picked that channel.
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it does pay to be nice i guess
and i'm not saying that just because the club hit my eye

be nice without expecting any favours back
and more often than not
the favours will return when you least expect it
and sometimes,
they make all the difference.

it's the law of the karma.
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