The One with the Duck, the Train and the Bible

wah, this just happened hours ago so must write now.
it's pretty amazing.

So today is one of those days i feel like punching everyone.
From the word "Go" at work, it's been chaos.
I spent the entire day attending meetings and jotting down the things i had to do rather than doing anything productive.

that's not a big deal,
last week was pretty stressful too and i was not unhappy.

Today was really bad because i hate it when pple push work around.
i try to help when i can,
but suddenly those things became my "ball".
I get really peeved when pple push things away without even trying.

And then to add to that,
my techs were getting experiments done and they weren't too familiar with the setup.
now i have not been to the setup training either so i couldn't help much,
and i left it to another person who had been to the training for them to figure things out,
while i ran around my meetings.

when i finally had time to get the person to show me the setup,
i saw something that was done wrong and so i had to ask my tech to re-do.

Apprantly i wasn't the only one who saw the wrong setup,
others saw it too and they obviously thought i was the ONE who got it wrong.
And my tech does not have the best temper in the world and i know he was super pissed he had to re-do.

now it's super 冤枉 lor.
in the first place, i didn't get it wrong, i just didn't have time to verify the setup because i was attending meetings of balls that aren't even mine.
in the 2nd place, i have not had a single training on this so i relied on what the person who did the training said, and he can be quite blur.

there's no one really to be blamed,
all very circumstantial,
but it just looks like my fault.
and i'm really can't be bothered to defend anything.

i get peeved too when i see pple talking their way out of things.
don't sound so sure of things you aren't sure of.
and i saw how some pple talked down to other pple and that pisses me off too,
even though it made me wonder if i'll gain more respect that way.

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so anyway i was pissed for most of the day with all these things going on and chaos everywhere,
and when i left the office i was hopping mad.

Mad at no one, mad at everyone.
i almost wanted to tell the two girls walking in front of me to shut up and stop singing.

for a split second in mid-day,
after i snapped at my colleague to "take a queue number" when she kept bugging me to do something,
i did hear a voice in me go
"Let your gentleness be evident to all. the Lord is near." (twice)

but that was abt it.

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so i was really angry walking to the train from the office.
and in my head i was all ready to blog with super huge fonts of "duck with a capital F" everywhere,
and how the world is shit and i'll play this game too.

I needed to blast angry music in my ears and amazingly the angriest piece of mp3 i have in my phone is a christian song!
but that one is pretty heavy metal,
i used to get quite amused that a christian group can sound like Nirvana.

the next angriest song i have is britney spears(!), and i finally settled on kelly clarkson.
(i really need more angry music in my playlist man.)

All i wanted was to go home and sulk,
and the last thing i wanted was to pick up a present for my church friend.
But i had to, otherwise i wouldn't have time,
and that made it more frustrating.

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And so i walked into this christian music school to get my present,
and it could be the soothing music they were playing,
because i walked out feeling a lot calmer.

and in the train station i decided to take another way home instead of the usual way,
and this other way did not require me to change trains,
so i got to sit for a while longer.

suddenly i had this prompting in my head,
"Read the bible. God wants to speak to you."

and i remember thinking,
"shit, i don't want to read the bible now. i'm not in the mood."

"read the bible."

So i took it out, and wondered where to start reading from, and i really didn't want to read any book in particular, and i got the prompting again to just read where the bookmark was (I haven't changed the bookmark for sometime and didn't even know what page it marked),

Turned out the bookmark was at Philippians.

and i really wasn't in the mood to read, so i just read the lines i highlighted before.

this was the first line that jumped at me,
"whatever happens, conduct yourself in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ.

hmmm.

i closed my eyes for a while and remembered i snapped at my colleague in the morning,
and maybe i should apologize.

but that's just really weird.
then i read again, and this came out
"Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me - put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you."

wah no choice,
i knew i had to sms my colleague to apologize to her.
which i did.
and of which she replied "got meh? LOL"

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so anyway by the time i got home,
i've completely forgotten all my anger.
that's very amazing considering how angry i was just an hour before.

the music was back to the normal soothing ones and no longer blasting,
and i'm so glad i didn't just come sulking home and ruining everybody's day.

the highlighted lines when read together made a beautiful paragraph. and each of them was applicable to me at this point in some ways.

Here they are (all from Philippians):

"I always pray with joy because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Jesus Christ.

...that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best....

...in every way, Christ is preached.

...whatever happens, conduct yourselves in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ.

...stand firm in one spirit, ...for the faith....without being frightened...those who oppose you.....

.....believe on him....suffer for him....

encouragement...comfort...fellowship..tenderness....compassion..then make my joy complete by being like minded, having the same love, being in one spirit and purpose.

Each of you should not only look to your own interest, but also to the interests of others.

...for it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose.

Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, to press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Jesus Christ.

And if on some point you think differently, that too God will make clear to you.

Only let us live up to what we have already attained.

Rejoice in the Lord always. Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near.

thanksgiving...peace of God....guard your hearts and minds......

Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me - put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.

...secret of being content.....

I can do everything through him who gives me strength."
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Amen amen amen!