Appendix A

i was watching ice age just now,
and somehow this line jumped out at me.

(mammoth almost dies by trying to save tiger. tiger asks why mammoth risked his life.)

"That's what herds do. We look out for each other."

-------------------------------------

After writing the entry below,
which made me sad again,
i realised how far i was from my original goal.

i joined engineering because i was intrigued by medical engineering.
artificial heart valves and all.....it was fascinating.
then i realised i had zero interest in mechanical engineering,
so i went into electronics.

I did as many medical engineering classes i could do,
and after i graduated i searched stubbornly for medical engineering jobs.

my first job was at least slightly related.
we were manufacturing medical equipment for other companies.
it was a bit off my goal cos i wanted to be part of the design, and not just make them.

i remember telling weips that it was like i wanted to be in the hospitality industry and i was the taxi driver.
it's related, but not that related.

weips was like "or you could be the traffic light bulb changer! everytime a taxi drives past it's your fleeting moment of relevance!"

i'm so far off my goal now i'm not even the traffic light bulb changer.
it's like i want to be in hospitality and i work in the mortuary.

i remember being frustrated because i loved writing my programs so much but it's not really part of my job scope.
it was something extra that i did because i wanted to.
i felt i should find something where writing programs IS part of my job scope and i get appreciated for it.

and then i find a job that's completely hardware and have zero software elements in it.
i can't even write programs as extra work cos none of the work calls for it.

oh my god,
WHAT am i DOING?