it's easy for me to feel sad and loserish these days. all i need to do is try to ride the unicycle.

i have to learn the uni i have to learn the uni. it's the basics of a performer. there's a demand and almost zero supply.

it isn't that dangerous, and scores of pple have learnt it. somehow this fact has gone from motivation to depression.

Just figured out a new way to learn this evening. unicycled holding two poles. one is my trusty mop pole (yet another use for it!) and the other is a bamboo pole. it probably looks very dumb, me "cycling" but really just "walking" around with the poles. I hope this helps to build my confidence and soon i'll be able to fly. maybe. *wish wish*

pole balancing is going well. need more practice but not so frustrating anymore.

unicycling is just so damn scary. shit.

weiping and i may be signing up for an acting course. It might well turn out to be a waste of money just like shorthand, jap, kickboxing and hip hop (for me). that's our main apprehension.

"remember how we absolutely dragged ourselves down to finish up our kickboxing classes? I bet next time we'll be saying 'remember how we dragged ourselves to finish acting'"

"ya man, somemore for acting we can't really just go through the motions. We'll be acting with sian faces!"

not sure whether it'll be useful too. what if the only thing we learn is how to be still like a rock and sway like a tree?

"what if the teacher specialises in tragedy? By the 5th week we'll be depressed and suicidal!"
"worse, what is she specialises in ROMANCE?"

at $300 it doesn't come cheap. especially when i'm unemployed. blardy hell.

taking charge of my accounts now. took my bank book from my dad so he can't put pocket money in anymore. it makes me feel less guilty. not that it makes me less guilty. think it makes me more mature too. now there's a limit to how much i can spend, and by hook or by crook i need to generate some money. As Rich Dad says, "dun say you can't afford it. ask how you can afford it".

i'm actually pretty excited abt the acting class. (hope the enthusiasm stays for 7 weeks). not broke yet but the finances issue is starting to be worrying. the uncertainty of job finding annoys me. i need a job i think. and yet i can think of so many things much more fun than finding a "proper" job. bet after, whenever, i find a "proper" job i'll be able to think of many things more fun than working.

dun mean fun like frivolous fun. Fun like deep setting satisfaction and rewarding. Life is trying to tell me something, but yvonne's too chicken to listen. just ask the unicycle.

So many things to do. some proper. some not. guess which one i'm more excited about.

football's ending. then i can screw my sleep cycle back. then i can think straight. and do the right thing.

I dun think i'm good enough. that's a problem. I'm not a gd performer, i'm not a gd engineer. oh oh i sound depress. confidence crisis. time to scoot.