TIRED.....

I think I used up my happiness quotient for the month.
or maybe i'm just really tired.

Had to stand up today while doing technical readings so i don't fall asleep.

"If i suddenly topple over," I told my colleague, "Don't panic. I didn't faint, I just fell asleep that's all"
"So if you crack your head and bleed all over and facility personnel comes to find out what's the safety risk, we tell them you just fell asleep that's all?"

"ya"

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Or maybe the whole week started gloomily because the first thing i read on Mon is on death.
Borrowed a book on Paul (the apostle, not the Pope!) that was due on Mon,
so I was speed reading, on the way to work, through the last chapter before returning the book.
And the last thing it talked abt was how Paul got beheaded.

what a way to start the work week.

It caught me this week,
the similarities of all these saints/apostles/heros and Jesus in the face of death.

Forgiveness. Jesus, Stephen (who got stoned) and Paul. They all asked God for forgiveness for those who killed/abandoned them.

Closeness to God. Paul asked for his parchments, Mother Teresa asked for some holy box thing (i forgot what it's called but it was a symbol of God) that gave her so much comfort the doctors had to hurriedly tell the Sisters to "bring the box" whenever Mother Teresa was critically ill.

"What box?" the sisters asked.
"I don't know," the docs replied, "the one where Mother can stare for hours and be completely serene and calm in its presence."

and this week i finished a book on the letters of a priest or Brother or something. Dun really know who but his letters reflect a deeply spiritual being. Again such a deep attachment to God, and he died too at the end of the book, with the last words of his letter being "I hope from His mercy the favour to see Him within a few days."

Complete Humility. Paul, Mother Teresa and the Brother Priest person. A very profound sense of humility, of nothingness, and so ironic that it's because of their "nothingness" that they can do more than what most pple can do.

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The first time I fasted in the office was for Bangkok.
the 2nd time is this week.

"Who's going abroad this time?" my colleague asked immediately after i told them i'm skipping lunch with them.
"haha, nobody's going abroad...."
"Oh pls don't tell me you're fasting to decide on which phone to buy! samsung vs motorola!"
"noooooo......"

This week the projects have been raining in.
It doesn't rain, it pours.
We've been attending so many project meetings we've gone from anxious to resigned.

"when is this one? september again? like the other 3 projects?" we'd ask with blank faces.

"SISTER! FAST FOR ME!" my colleague suddenly grabbed me today.
"I eat for you la, you fast for yourself. I eat, you fast. I pray, you pay."

Everytime we hear of a project or hiccup now someone will inevitably go "SISTER! FAST FOR US!"

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met up with the cambodia team yesterday.
looking through photos of the trip brought back fond memories.

it really is a different sort of experience,
i highly recommend it.
you don't come back quite the same.